I read a book recently that talked about the power of affirmations. It was so bold as to say "DROWN YOURSELF IN AFFIRMATIONS" .. the author talks about training your brain to think differently. She says "Figure out what affirmations you need to hear the most and repeat them all day long in your head, in the car, while you're walking down the street.." Anyway, you get the idea.
So I'm reading this book and trying to figure out what I need to hear most at a time when there is all sorts of chaos in our lives -- school is out, work hours are shortened, our summer childcare situation is so confusing and convoluted that my head wants to explode.
I'm having a conversation with a really good friend and she says "I'm just going to keep doing what I know is right because I know in my heart I am a good person" .. when I read what she typed in that text message - I thought to myself .. I need to print that up and tape it to the bathroom wall .. so it is the first thing I see in the morning. I shared my plan with my friend -- she mentioned that we have a mutual friend who might cross-stitch it for me. Much less rednecky than my taped piece of printer paper to the wall idea!
I ask my cross-stitching friend if I could pay her to make my vision come to life. She agrees to do it. I tell her my colors and she comes up with a design and I love it. We agreed that she could get to it whenever because she has other projects in process to finish first.
Fast forward a couple of months.....
The last few weeks have been particularly hectic at work and at home, add in that Paul's start time has been pushed back and he is routinely home after 8pm. This last week has been really trying ... like I'm ready for bed at 8:30 and making my way there closer to 11.
A few mornings ago, I made my way to the work kitchen to heat up some breakfast and glanced at the mailboxes on my way by. I could see that something was in mine and I think I sighed out loud. You know the sigh that says "what now???"
When I finally made my way to check it ... I was so pleasantly surprised. There it was, my affirmation. Exactly the way I envisioned it - in the colors I asked for, complete with a beautiful blue frame. I couldn't thank her right away, because she was away from her desk.
When I finally caught up with her. I told her how it was perfect - exactly the way I pictured it in my head and I asked her what I owed her.
"Nothing." She said.
I argued "I didn't want this to cost you anything"
"It cost me nothing to make"
"but your time" I said ...
"You do nice things for people all the time. I wanted to do something for you" She replied.
I am filled with gratitude for her friendship and kindness. That beautiful project will eventually make its way to the place I planned for it to hang .. but for now it sits on my desk at work, where I glance it several times a day. #kindnesscounts
I think September 11, 2001 is the JFK assassination of my lifetime. I remember where I was, what people said, what I thought, what I was afraid of and how the nation reacted. My parents talk about that November day with that same clarity.
I wrote about that day a long time ago here on Romanskiville in a post called That Day Changed Me ...
In September 2001, I was in the middle of a messy divorce and had moved home to my parents basement. While I was happy to have the support of my family, there's something humbling about living in your parents basement at 29.
A few weeks after the attack, the company I worked for won the disaster recovery contract for a company that had been housed in the World Financial Center across from the World Trade Center. I packed my bags and headed for a hotel in Stamford, CT to work with another 10 or so employees. Our task was to build new offices and set up the technology for the displaced employees.
The work was physically demanding - unpacking big monitors and computers and lugging them to their new desks. The days were long, sometimes 14-16 hours - building machine after machine. It was a perfect time for me to be away and super busy - my legal issues were easy to ignore and living in a basement in someone else's house meant I had little responsibility.
The work filled me with purpose, something I desperately needed. We worked with a team of employees from the other company. One told us how he ran down the street with his briefcase on his head to protect himself from the falling debris. One day someone brought the team leader from the other company an envelope of some personal effects from her desk. When the WTC collapsed it blew out 4 floors in the World Financial Center and only a handful of people were ever allowed back inside. When she slid the picture frame from the envelope, it was a picture of her kids. The glass was cracked and pieces of glass clinked around. A single tear rolled down her cheek. So many were gone, so many spared because they were late, at a class, or in a meeting somewhere else. Talk about perspective.
We worked for about 3 weeks before the first wave of employees arrived to their new location. Some talked about the 3+ hours to get to Stamford. Some had traveled from New Jersey to Grand Central and, finally, on to Stamford. The site lead for our team had gotten us all red, long sleeve t-shirts to wear that first day in order to make the "the IT Guys" easy to identify.
"Your computer won't turn on? Find someone in a red shirt" "Can't login? find someone in a red shirt." Simple, but effective.
An elevator of us IT guys were heading back to work from lunch that day ... the elevator doors opened and there were employees waiting to board.
"Hey, it's the red shirt people." a voice announced.
One said "Thank you" and then one clapped and then they all clapped and someone whistled. The IT guys didn't know what to do, we awkwardly slapped a few high fives as we exited, assured them it was nothing, and went on our way.
I've been in IT a long time - no one ever cheered for me before that day and no one has since.
That moment was such a reality check for me ... something that seemed so routine and maybe insignificant was really a big deal to people who had been through so much. I think many were relieved to be back to work, to be able to start to get back into a routine.
A few month later, the people who worked that project received some letters of thanks from division presidents and this little Lucite apple. "For your courage and commitment" was etched in it.
I didn't feel like I had been very courageous or that I had done anything special. At the time, I didn't realize how life changing that experience was.
I still have that apple. It reminds me of the people that I worked with on that project. It reminds me of the gratitude of the employees who were so happy to have a place to do their work. That silly little piece of plastic reminds me of a time when I found strength and courage when I thought I had none.
It reminds me of the worst of times and how they can show you the glimmer of the best of people and times.
