"répondez, s'il vous plaît"

RSVP .... 

What does that really mean? According to my research, it comes from the French phrase "répondez, s'il vous plaît" ... translation [Respond, please]

Generally there is date that you should respond by - you know let the person who issued the invitation know if you'll be there or not. 

I struggle with this, well just with the getting people to let me know if they are coming. I have no problem letting people know if we're attending or sending our regrets.

Here are some myths about RSVPing I believe exist ...

Myth 1: When I call to say "Yes" or "No" I will get sucked into a long phone conversation and I don't have time for that

I spend a large majority of my day talking to people - in person AND on the phone. When I get home, I'm not in the mood for a long conversation either. 

Call when you know we aren't home and talk to the machine - she hangs up after 60 seconds so that is your maximum commitment. Email or text work too. 

Myth 2: If I say "No" they will make me feel guilty or bad for not attending.

Maybe that happens other places, but not here in Romanskiville, we offer guilt-free and no excuse required RSVPs. We're completely satisfied with "We're not coming to xyz."  If you don't want to come, a simple no is great. There really is no need to say "I just don't know if I want to come" ... really .. no need for that level of transparency

I want to know how much I'm going to need to buy ... how many plates, favors, pizza and drinks. Now some of that stuff keeps and can be used at other events but not always with the food. If I'm cooking - how much of an effort am I undertaking? If I'm outsourcing food, how much am I ordering? How many cupcakes or what size cake do I need? Who wants to host the party where there isn't enough to eat (we've been to parties like that). I also don't want to order 10 pizzas when 5 would have been plenty. It is a matter of efficiency.

Myth 3: They know we're coming

Actually if you didn't tell us "yes", we don't assume! You've heard that old adage "When you assume, you make an ......." Yeah, that ..... 

From the middle of August to now, we've had a handful of events - chasing RSVPs every. single. time.  One of those events is Brooke's birthday -- where you have to invite the WHOLE class if you send invites through school. Twenty-five invitations went out ... I've heard from TWO parents ... TWO. I'm still waiting for a handful of non school invitees too - not counting the peeps who are vacationing or travelling the USA. 

The actual "reply by" date on the invitation is tomorrow so I'm holding out hope for a flurry of text notifications or emails. We'll see.

I should mention that our niece excels at RSVPs, I am certain that she opens the email/envelope, decides if it is of interest, checks her calendar and responds right then. If there was an Olympic event for RSVPs, she would win the gold. 

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Tonight was the first Board of Ed meeting in Norwich. Want to make any wagers on if I was in attendance?

If you had money on "yes, you were there" .. ding ding ding WINNER!

I spoke during public comment in May - pretty eloquently - imploring the BOE to take a long, hard look at the way they budget AND spend their money. Then I went back in June and, you guessed it, spoke again.

In July, I met with the Superintendent and in August with her and the Chairperson of the BOE. 

I'm serious and I'm not going away. I'm passionate about this and will not be deterred.

Last week, I tossed around the idea of speaking at tonight's meeting. I could share with them what I said at Moriarty Back to School night. I could tell them how I issued a challenge to the families to attend ONE more event than they did the previous year and to volunteer one more time. Then I should challenge them, the BOE, to talk to one more parent than they did last year, one more teacher, attend one more event, or return ONE freaking email from an interested, engaged parent. 

After writing Highs and Lows, I thought I could share that with them. Tell them that the highs and lows that are getting shared around my table all relate to their time at school. They love music, technology, gym, and writing. The lows are things like "when we were done with our science experiment" or "when I had to leave school for the day - I LOVE school" I would tell them that I do not think I have a unique experience, that my kids are representative of many our students. That our staff is doing really AMAZING work and it shows in our students. 

So after thoughtful deliberation, I decided not to speak at all .. I figured who wants to get the reputation for being "that mother" who is always complaining. 

Tonight I attended the meeting, I listened, I took notes. There are things I heard that make me shake my head .. I heard things that literally wanted to send me running from the room, hands in the air, screaming. There were things I heard that made me believe - there is much work to do. 

I got in my car to head home and thought .. I should have. I could have. If I could do it again, I would ..... 

I'm not dwelling on the the shoulda, coulda, woulda ... it might be different next time. 

Highs and Lows

Before I met Paul and while he was going through his divorce he was adopted by some friends from the neighborhood. They invited him to dinner, to family game night - they were really good to him during a difficult time. One of their family "traditions" was to go around the dinner table and share their "highs and lows" - what was the best thing that happened today? what was your low? I can remember Paul smiling when he shared the experience with me. I tried this in the old house - I'm not sure how old the girls were - but they were too little. Their high was often their low too. Sometimes when you said "what was the best thing that happened to you today? you got "can I have more melon?"

Last night I decided to give it another whirl, I mean we have big girls now. 

SUCCESS! Tonight, after rain chased us from the Soccer field, we warmed up with soup and grilled cheese. Kristen was done first. 

"May I be excused?"

"No, you have to stay at the table and talk to your sister and I" I said.

She sighs - annoyed - then Brooke remembers highs and lows. 

"We have to do highs and lows Kristen. What was your high?"

"Art - we started our fish habitats" Kristen shares with a big smile. Brooke and I share. Then we share lows. Tonight they each had a "low LOW" .... they both said "having to leave school at the end of the day"
[I hope you read this Mrs. Pellerin]

I love the conversation it generates. I love that it gives me an opportunity to help them hone their critical thinking skills. What about that made you so happy? Why was that your low? Why is leaving school at the end of the day your low? We are engaging in conversation and they are enjoying it.

I'm committed to making these little moments more regular. To creating these experiences that, I hope, help shape them into kind and thoughtful tiny humans. 

"There's never enough time for what matters, but there is always time for what matters most" 

Yes, there absolutely is.