Madge Moment

Earlier tonight I was doing the dishes. The dish detergent that was the most inexpensive last week was Palmolive .. you know that original, bright green one that Madge used to exclaim "You're soaking in it" in those commercials in the late 70's and early 80's. 

When I poured it into the sink and got a big whiff of that I was instantly transported back to my grandparents house .. that big ol Victorian on Church Street in downtown Mystic.  That was "their" detergent .. 

For a minute while the sink continued to fill with water, I could see an image of my grandparents in my head and hear their voices as if I had seen them only yesterday. They have both been gone for a long time but they are never really out of my mind .. April 18th was my Poppie's birthday and my love of the NY Yankees was inherited from him.  He wore a beautiful garnet signet ring. He drank tea, all day long and the minute he stopped smoking, he started snacking.  There was always candy and nuts in that house. I know that if he had the opportunity to met Paul, he would have instantly accepted him .. even if he is a Red Sox fan. 

It's funny isn't it - how the smell of Palmolive brought all that back. I'm grateful for the memories and that the "original" was the cheapest thing last week. 

It's a lot like getting a divorce

I'm finding that getting laid off is a lot like getting divorced .. especially when you are laid off from a place that you were in a relationship with longer than both your husbands combined.  You have to admit that made you smile. 

As I promised in my last post, this morning I got up at the usual time.  I got the girls ready for school and made sure Paul was set for his day. We had the usual arguments about coats and shoes and I kissed each of them on their way out the door. 

Then I sat down at my computer, already noticing that there was a lot more room with only one on my desk now. I checked my email, spent a few minutes on Facebook, played a few rounds of Bejeweled.  After a good 30- 40 minutes of avoidance, I got down too it.  

Item #1 - complete the transfer of service for my cell phone from a corporate account to personal account.  That was almost as irritating as it was trying to split the cellphone bill into 2 bills when I divorced my first husband.  The woman answered, I told her "I was laid off and needed to complete the transfer to a personal account". I told her that I had a confirmation number - did she need it? No, not yet.  She asked if I was able to provide her the account number. Um, no .. I haven't paid for this phone ever ... I have NEVER even seen a bill.  I DO have that confirmation of transfer number .. no, that won't help.  SERIOUSLY???? For a minute I thought about giving up and just getting a new phone number.  Twenty-four minutes later .. I had a new "personal" account for my cell phone. I guess it could have been worse. 

Item #2 - call the Porta Potty people .. for years we've had a "seasonal" porta potty.  We had one bathroom in our old house and it was on the second floor. When we put the pool in we quickly realized how annoying that was.  Anyway, now we have 3 bathrooms and one on the first floor, right next to an outside door. It is an expense we no longer need to [or can afford to] incur. 

Item #3 - change email addresses .. make my gmail address my primary one on LinkedIn, delete my old work one all together. Log onto several other accounts and remove any traces of my old work address. I will NEVER make that mistake again ... using a work address for my personal stuff .. I am sure that I missed something .... somewhere. 

The day wore on, several loads of laundry were processed. I took Kristen to the Dr for her cough, picked up her meds, grabbed a few groceries. There were several phone calls and texts "to just see how you are doing", invites to lunch and requests to stop in and visit sometime this week ... all very much appreciated ... it is getting easier to talk about. I appreciate not feeling isolated.  

The worst part of the whole thing is still having to say it out loud. "I got laid off" .. people are empathetic and kind - they tell you it will be OK, that it's a "great" time to be out of work and that you can "collect." All of this is true but it did remind me when I got divorced in 2001. How saying "I got laid off" feels very reminiscent of "we're getting divorced" or "we're not together anymore". Your brain tells you it was time for the relationship to end, but your heart feels like maybe you could have done something differently, to change the outcome, so that you could have avoided all this YUCK. 

I'm not really sure at what point in the day I had a bit of an epiphany .... when I decided to divorce my first husband it sucked for a while but in the long run it is the single best decision I've ever made. When I got through that my life made a 180 degree turn, for the better.  Getting through that made me strong and self-confident and led me to the "perfect" life we've built here in Romanskiville. 

Maybe unemployment offers me the same experiences and lessons .. I know the kind of culture and employer I want to be affiliated with and now, in my 40's, I have the ability to articulate that in a way I couldn't in my 20's. 

I'm still uneasy about the future but I am trying very hard to trust in and believe that this really is the beginning of something so much better. 

The Next Chapter

For almost 18 years I've worked for the same company. I started at the Helpdesk and over the years have specialized and taken on roles with more and more responsibility. It has become an increasingly stressful place to work .. more and more jobs are being sent to India, China, and other places outside of the US. There has been layoff after layoff and the senior leadership team has a revolving door .. there is a lack of stability that is unnerving. 

Tuesday afternoon I was invited to an 8 am call on Thursday to "Discuss Performance Appraisal" and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I was out on Wednesday to chaperone Brooke's field trip and put the meeting out of my mind.  

Thursday, I called my boss and the conversation began ... "Heather, as you know XXX has been experiencing some serious financial issues and as a result there is a reduction in force and your position is being eliminated. Your last day will be tomorrow, April 25th"  There was more but you get the idea.

There was talk about the logistics - sending back equipment, shredding corporate cards, health insurance options .. blah blah blah.

I kept trying to tell myself that I had not been happy with my job and employer for a while .. so unhappy that in the last 3 weeks I had applied for 2 jobs elsewhere. I had spent a lot of time at night on my professional collateral - LinkedIn profile, external resume, reading trade publications, and reviewing and registering with online job search resources. 

Still .. it hurts.  I've pretty much had a job since I was 15 years old, suffice it to say, I have been working for a LONG time. 

I am optimistic that this is really for the best, that there is something amazing out there for me.  Something that doesn't have me counting the minutes until the time when I can logoff. 

I will miss the familiarity of the place and the people that filled my days for the last 18 years .. but I will not miss that company mandated flipping 9 digit passcode to get into my cellphone.

So tomorrow I'll get up at the same time, send the girls to school and Paul to work and then starting writing the next chapter in our fairy tale ..... 

Race Recap

I follow several running blogs and Facebook pages of fellow runners.  A handful of these women write post race summary blog entries.  I have never done that because, well my race just isn't that interesting.  

I should add that I have fallen out of my regular gym and running routines for lots of reasons.  The last time I ran - any distance - was a 5K on March 9th. Suffice it to say, "not pretty."  I ran again on Saturday, another 5K race.  I knew going in the course was hilly, I knew going in I was not in top form, I knew going in I was going to be sore on Sunday. I ran anyway.

While I was trying to get thru that race (and I use the word race loosely) I started to think about what the post race re-cap would look like. Enjoy, this is probably the only time you're going to see one of these. 

Salem Road Race - 5K - Salem, CT - April 13

A small group of us gathered at the back of the pack on the starting line .. that is our system .. its deflating to start near the front and have 100+ people pass you in the course of a minute or so into the race.  There seems to be some delay to the start because of a problem with the timing equipment. We can't really hear what the guy is saying over the bullhorn, but seriously, I'm here to accomplish 3 goals - finish, not be last, and not puke.  Usually these are achievable but remember I haven't run in a month. We seem to be ready to start .. "Runners Set ..." and the gun fires

The crowd starts to move, I hit the start button on my runkeeper app on my phone and start to jog at a slow pace.  I am literally less than 2 minutes in and my shins are burning .. damn, I really need to upgrade these sneakers. My starting line posse continues on ahead and I keep plodding along. I hit mile one and my app tells me my pace .. its way too fast for me to sustain that for the remaining 2.1 miles.

I'm trying to focus on my stride, breathing, and ignore the hills .. but seriously .. there were SO many hills.  I hit the first water stop but the cute little elderly men from the Lions Club manning it have none ready .. its not that hot, I'm not that dehydrated .. keep on running.  

I make the right, then the left .. DAMN more uphill...left around the corner and loop back.  The water stop on this side is more prepared so I grab a cup. Now we're running downhill and my calves burn and scream a little more.  More time and pace updates ...

I finally finished .. 40:22 .. which is good for me.  I was not last and I did not puke. Goals met .. but I was certainly not thrilled with the performance. 

I spent a good part of my afternoon silently beating myself up for not finishing with a better time.  Then I thought back to April 2013 ... I had hit a plateau in my weight loss and a handful of friends were all doing Couch to 5K .. I wondered if I could run again - after 12 years off, in my 40s, it would take work and I wasn't sure I wanted to work that hard.  Then April 15, 2013 ... bombs go off at the finish line of the Boston Marathon just an hour away from me, on a street where I have walked so many times. Three people are dead, a few days later a 4th and hundreds are injured. Several have lost limbs or have injuries so severe they may never walk again.  So that night I decided I was going to be a runner again if for no other reason than because I could. 

On April 13, 2014 I ran and finished a 5K. The year before that would not have been possible. That, in itself, is a PR. 

Throwback Thursday

Aruba 2004

Get back girls, he is ALL mine!!!

Mrs. & Mr. Romanski

Baby Bo

A few weeks ago we were lucky enough to escape and vacation in sunny Florida. After the long winter we needed some serious downtime, so much so, that we planned in time just to relax and enjoy all the amenities at the resort.  We arrived after dark on a Friday night, so after breakfast on Saturday we headed down to the pool.  

"There's a girl braiding hair Mama" Brooke notices.  She doesn't ask but I can tell she is interested.  After lunch we tell her she can get it done and she is over the moon.

She got a ton of compliments all week long .. it was worth the small fortune we paid and the 2.5 hours she had to sit.

She was like a mini Bo Derek ... just not running down the beach with her braids bouncing.

Out of Hibernation

It has been more than 2 months since I have written here on Romanskiville. When I get in one of those winter depression moods it is hard for me to write. This Winter has been so long, so cold, so draining that I have been way low on ambition.

Yesterday it snowed, no, seriously it SNOWED.  It was March 31 and it snowed.  Today, it was warmer and on one of my trips around the yard in the sunshine I found something that gave me hope .. hope that warmer weather might really be on the way. 

I hate hibernating, especially from writing. Here's to sunshine, warmth and the colors of Spring.  Here's to more ambition to put text on the page more regularly.  Here's to no more hibernation.