Where I'm Supposed to Be

Celebrating every day things. Being content with what you have. Making time for what is important. Not settling. Being the best I can be for me, so that I can be the best I can for my husband and my girls. 

This is my mission statement. This is what matters most. 

This shift started when I filed for divorce in 2001 .... I was never going to find the happiness, mutual respect or love that everyone dreams of there. I lost a lot when I left that marriage - mostly material things. I came to terms with that pretty quickly and can remember saying to someone who was having a harder time watching me grieve my relationship -  "It's stuff. In 10 years from now I'm going to be remarried, have the family I've longed for, and be living my happily ever after. In 10 years, he's going to have my STUFF .. I think I actually said F$%^ING STUFF." Then I met Paul, and  we went out, and then there was that time we talked on the phone for 5 hours .... then I moved in, a proposal, a wedding, a baby, a promotion, another baby .... Guess what ... ten years later, I WAS living my happily ever after and, the ex, he had been married and divorced for the 5th time. 

In 2012, we designed and built a house that we love. It was another dream come true. We were enjoying our space and and loving our time together as "The Core Four". There were changes at work and I was growing increasingly unhappy, but I had achieved so much success and the salary that came with that - we weren't in a position where I could just walk away. 

In 2014 the decision was made for me. A Thursday morning meeting and Friday was my last day. In all honesty, I think that was emotionally harder to deal with than my divorce. Have you ever been laid off? It hurts your feelings, like you added no value, that your contributions were inconsequential. If I had not already known that I was with the right guy - that time - was the icing on the cake. Never got angry, never showed stress, never let the circumstances get the best of him. When I interviewed and didn't get an offer he would shake his head and smile and say "boy did they miss out" or "whoever they picked - not gonna do the job you would have"... and when he said it, he believed it. That makes you believe it and that my friends is the best gift ever. 

In January 2015, I was offered an IT job on a college campus. I accepted the job - not only did I think I would be good at it but it was close to home and the thought of commuting back and forth to Hartford made my head hurt. It took me a while to figure things out -- higher ed was all new -- but then things started to fall into place. I know how to do my job and I do it well. My role marries the 2 things that bring me joy - technology and people. My colleagues have become fast friends. 

Yesterday, the first year students moved in. Campus is congested, the Service Desk is BUSY, and there are times when it is just plain chaotic. In a quiet moment, I sent a chat message to co-worker and said "I know this is going to sound crazy - I LOVE move-in day!" 

It took some time and the road was twisted and rocky, but here I am living the dream ... married to the man I am "supposed" to be married to and doing the work that was made for me. 

I'm where I'm supposed to be ...... Amen.