Focus

Last week, I spent a lot of time and energy on things that didn't matter. Things I had no control over. Too much time annoyed by people who can't or won't change.

Monday, I had lunch with a friend. Later that night I met with people who share an interest in bettering the schools in our city. 

Tuesday, Brooke and I started working on sorting the playroom. Time to offload some of the play food and things we've outgrown.

Wednesday, I spent quiet moments with my soon to be middle school girl, talking about next year, the book we both read this summer, what book we were going to read sitting poolside.

Thursday, we rented Hidden Figures and watched together over Iced Coffee and talked about the amazing women the characters represented. 

Friday, we sat poolside until the thunder and lightening forced us to the porch. We were super excited when our neighbors joined us to hang out. We laughed, joked, and reminisced about our vacation together in April. 

Today, started with a 4 mile walk with another friend and her chocolate lab. She is super smart and we often extend our route so we have longer to talk. Paul headed off to work and Brooke and I cooked - veggie egg cups, brown rice, quinoa, and dirt cups(can you guess who picked the dirt cups). Laundry is going and we're getting ready to hit the Rose Arts and head to the beach to listen to our friend's band play. 

I ran or walked every day. I made steady progress on a couple of things around the house. 

I talked to my best friend for a few minutes almost every day this week - which might not seem like much - but really was huge.

It really was a pretty amazing week. I just needed to readjust my focus.

It's all about Communication

It is unbelievable to me that today is March 21 .... it has been almost a month since I posted here. I never spend as much time as I want writing, but I write more than the updates on Romanskiville show.  For example, I've spent the last couple of days - preparing to speak during public comment at our monthly Board of Education meeting. They were approving a budget tonight, to take to the city, but I chose another topic .. because I think the way things work now need to change. I think we can do a better job .. if we just talked to each other instead of at each other ...

Heather Romanski, 297 Scotland Road, mother of 2 daughters who attend the nationally recognized Moriarty Environmental Sciences Magnet School. (I say that every time I speak because I want everyone to remember that we are doing AH-Mazing things in our Norwich schools)

Earlier this month I attended a special BOE meeting where the only agenda items were related to school facilities. That night it was standing room only and while I’ve attended every BOE meeting since May 2016 - it was the first time that I didn’t have a seat. I think there was almost an hour of public comment that night and I’m pretty sure the policy says that as a board you have the right to limit the comments on 1 topic to 30 minutes, so as a parent and taxpayer, I thank you for allowing everyone an opportunity to be heard.

As person after person went to the mic, I heard many parents lament that they had no idea this facilities review was taking place and I got the impression that many seemed to feel like they had been kept in the dark. As someone who regularly attends your meetings as well as the Facilities Review Committee meetings, I was a little frustrated by that. You might remember that when I took my turn at the microphone, I said that I was moved by the number of people in the room and then invited the audience to keep attending and stay involved, knowing full well that I would most likely be solo in the front row again. From my perspective, in the short time that I have personally started to pay more attention to education in our city one thing has become apparent to me …. we have a communication problem. I would be thrilled to have to stand up at every BOE meeting that I attend because there are so many people in the room, but I won’t hold my breath. So how are we going to fix this problem? How do we get more parents engaged before there is a controversial, big ticket item on the list? I have some ideas … but we - parents and the BOE - we have no vehicle to have an actual conversation. While I appreciate the opportunity to speak to you during public comment and genuinely believe that it is a valuable part of the process - it does not allow for brainstorming or collaboration. A few months ago when I was leaving a meeting, someone mentioned in passing that the month before when I spoke I wasn’t as negative as usual and this individual sometimes wished that I just made a call” … I know it sounds so easy - but there are no phone numbers listed on the website - just email addresses and more often than not, I don’t get a response. Mr. Aldi, you’re the only member who consistently responds to every email I’ve sent  -  thank you.

I don’t need to tell you the world we live in is different than it was 10 years ago and what worked back then isn’t always as effective today but I honestly believe that the parents of our students are committed to our schools - they might not sit through every BOE meeting or attend every public hearing - but they care. Coming to a meeting and speaking at public comment maybe isn’t their thing … did you ever consider that this forum can be a tiny little bit intimidating? When you attend events in the district are you having casual conversations with parents? I’m asking you to think outside of the box and find ways to foster connections with the people you were elected to represent. 5:30 on the 2nd Tuesday of the month might not work for everyone.

Tonight, I’d like to personally extend an invitation to each of you to attend a pasta dinner at the Knights of Columbus in Taftville on Thursday, April 6. The tickets are $5 each and I have them with me tonight. The proceeds of the event go to the Moriarty PTO. Come alone, or bring your families - we'd love to have you. The event starts at 4:30 so you could load up on carbs before attending the city budget hearing later that night.  I hope to see many of you there.

It is Well

All morning, as I was getting ready for Church, I was thinking about and humming the hymn "It is Well" quietly in the bathroom .. there was a chance that there was going to be a Hymn sing at service today and I was thinking of some of my favorites.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul

It is well

With my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

We got to Church a minute or two after 10 and they had already started announcements. Those first few minutes after our arrival are always a bit hectic - we're settling into our pews,(at least one of my kids sits behind me with our friend Linda), I'm writing my pledge check, filling out my prayer request form, finding collection money for the girls ... it is a process. 

The last week was a bit discombobulated - the girls had 2 days off, I had 2 days off, Paul was on vacation all week, we were anticipating the surgery of a dear family member, Paul had a couple of doctor appointments and this coming week has something scheduled every night. I've been feeling anxiety and uneasiness with that all swirling in my head.

Times when I'm feeling like that are when I appreciate my time at Church the most. The physical building - with the big, old colonial windows and the simple but majestic mahogany cross above the alter brings me peace. Now that the girls are older and off to Sunday School, I really get to be present during the rest of my time in the sanctuary. 

It came to the time in our service when someone from the Congregation reads the scripture lesson. Today, it was from Matthew 17 and while I was fumbling to find the page in my pew bible I heard the liturgist say "it well that we are here" ... my head snapped up and I thought "did I hear that right?' ... I quickly re-read the passage on the pages in front of me ... "Lord, it is good for us to be here" .. now the reader was using the big bible that never leaves the alter and often differs from the pew bible so I chalked it up to that but visibly smiled when I thought  "it is well that we are here"

What's funny is that when I started to write this post I spent 10 -15 minutes looking for the translation that uses that verbiage - "it is well that we are here" .. I cannot find it...most of them say "it is good that we are here", so now I wonder if that is what he said at all. Did I hear what I wanted to hear? I don't know and, frankly, it doesn't matter. I heard the message that was intended for me....

It is well

With my soul

You Better Watch Out

If you've spent any time around me the last year or so, you already know that I'm very active and involved in Norwich Public Schools.  I did some consulting there for a few months in between jobs. My mom was a teacher. I thought about being a teacher when I was in college, that was until I substituted in first grade for the 3 days before Christmas break. No thanks, I'll go right back to the Computer Science Department, where I belong!

Since May 2016, I've attended every public Board of Education meeting .. more meetings than one of the actual board members. I've attended several of the city sponsored School Facilities Review Committee meetings. I've addressed both boards/committees during their public comment sections. 

When I go to the BOE meetings, I sit in the front row ... usually alone. I have my notebook and pen and follow along with the agenda with painstaking care. I'm trying very hard to be informed, aware, and in the know. I want very much to have my facts straight so that when I do speak I have some degree of credibility. 

I have no formal training in education. My bachelor degree is in Computer and Information Sciences with a minor in Business Economics. I have a Master of Business Administration with a concentration in Management Information Systems. I spent almost 20 years in the corporate world before making the jump to Higher Education. I'm fortunate to work at a college that has a Human Development program. I'm even more fortunate to have strong relationships with some of the esteemed faculty in that department. They are the people who point me to resources when I need facts, who honestly and patiently listen to my ideas and weigh in, they remind not to focus on one side of the argument. I am fortunate to have have these trusted advisors. 

When I went to that first BOE meeting in May 2016 and took a seat at the table during public comment, I never in a million years would have thought it was setting me on the course that I find myself on now. Speaking at meetings, introducing myself to random parents at informational sessions, handing out my business cards and getting random texts asking me to speak at other meetings. 

Earlier today, I told a really dear friend that she had created a monster. This advocate that I have become was all born out of some really insightful discussion in our comfy clothes over a cup of coffee at my kitchen peninsula. 

Last week, I attended an informational session about our Norwich Public Schools. I was encouraged to see a fair amount of people in attendance. I was excited that other people, besides me, wanted a turn at the microphone. One mother said ... "the people who can advocate for our kids, they are the ones that are moving their kids to other schools. Pretty soon, there won't be any one left to advocate for the people who can't do it for themselves"

At that moment I whispered out loud "she gets it"  .... we aren't all public speakers, we don't all speak fluent English, we can't all attend meetings at 5:30pm on Tuesdays, we aren't all moved to run for an office. 

Some of us might be ... Some of us might just be "someone to watch"

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

We've been friends for years with the Dugas Family, since before they were actually a family! Kim, Mike and I all worked for the same company and then Paul joined the crew when we started dating. You worry when you starting dating someone if he'll fit in with your "people". Thankfully, mine was a perfect match. 

The four of us have been through so much ... went to each other's weddings, welcomed our babies, said good-bye to parents, lost jobs, moved into new houses, new jobs and lots of Sunday night bowling. For a long time, too long, Kim and I have been talking about taking a joint trip. We have all these great ideas, we make really abstract plans and well .. we never actually go anywhere. It isn't that we don't want to .. we just get busy!

Last summer, our family was stunned by the sudden loss of someone so very special to us. She was 17 and a literal ray of sunshine. She brought warmth and pure joy into our home when she was here. Not having her physical presence in our lives anymore, having her taken from us so unexpectedly .. it left me wondering if I told her everything I should have told her. Did she know that I loved her smile? Did she know that every time I passed a Jeep in our neighborhood, I looked for her? That I loved when she asked us to give her a ride home from work? 

We started back to bowling in late August and Kim and started talking about all the fun stuff we'd been doing. I told her that Paul and I were done "talking" and we pledged to start "doing" and that we needed to plan a trip, just a weekend even, but we needed to do it. 

Before long, we had a place, a weekend and reservations. Last Friday, we loaded up the Pathfinder and headed for Portsmouth, NH. The Dugas Family bringing up the rear.  We had adjoining rooms in a hotel with a heated pool. We stayed up late and ate too much junk food, we explored a science center, downtown and skated on an outdoor rink. We had hot chocolate, margaritas, hard cider and children's wine. We played Left-right-center in the hotel lobby by the fireplace. We had an AMAZING time!

There were moments last weekend that I was moved to tears, my heart was so full of gratitude. We are so lucky to have this relationship with this family. I was sorry that we had waited so long.

The Next Fifty Years ...

I'm going to start right off by saying that I'm breaking a personal blogging rule tonight ... I can't remember a time that I've published a post where I write about someone else and not asked their permission to publish .. but tonight I'm doing it. I'm probably OK since he's only had a smart phone for a year and isn't on FB, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't subscribe to updates to Romanskiville [hmmm, we might need to address that but not tonight]

A few days ago, Paul celebrated his 50th birthday. The weeks leading up to that day the anxiety kicked in .. at first I was surprised and then I thought back to 40 and it all came back to me. He was um, miserable? annoying? depressed? ... hard to put my finger on it exactly mostly 'cause I think I was so surprised that it was a "thing" that I've tried to block it out of my head. 

Anyway, back to 50 .... From my perspective, we aren't old. Don't get me wrong, some days we ache from head to toe and we could go to bed, for the night, at 9:30. It is harder to recover from one too many beers but, generally, I think we're doing OK over here in Romanskiville. Having lived thru "40" with Paul, I knew that "it's only a number" or "you're only as old as feel" wasn't going to work with 50. 

My future's so bright, gotta wear shades

I took a different approach.....

"Look around, think about your life at 30. The things that mean the most to you now, did you have them then? The girls? Our beautiful home? Had you bowled a 300? Traveled to Honduras? Been to Disney World? Swam with Dolphins? Oh and don't forget me, the drop dead, gorgeous wife" 😉

I think my approach worked, well at least a little. He seemed a little less preoccupied with the number.

The day arrived. There was no party and there will not be. His only birthday request ... "PLEASE, do not have a party"

I thought about doing it anyway...for about 5 minutes. People tried to convince me, others kept asking if I had changed my mind. I realized how selfish that would be - to do the party. He is not me, he is a lean against the wall, or the bar and observe kinda guy .. he's totally fine with 'putting Baby in the corner" ... he bends to my every whim and does his best to make every one of my dreams come true. The girls wanted him to dance in the Dad's dance at the recital and he danced. 

So instead of a party, this year of 50 will be filled with special moments, trips, and memories because this man, would move heaven and earth for me and our family. The very least I can do is respect his one, simple request. 

March 2016

We were supposed to have dinner at a favorite hibachi restaurant on Saturday night to kick off our year .. thanks to a foot of snow we're rescheduling to the end of the month. Instead we stayed home, ate tacos and did our usual sharing of highs and lows. The girls went to bed, we had a celebratory cocktail and then Paul plowed at his mom's house and our house - trust me that tractor brings him joy! He even admitted when we finally called it a day a few minutes after midnight "that 50 isn't that bad!"

Stay tuned for more tales from "The year that Paul turned 50!"

It's So Hard to say Goodbye

It's a little after nine and I'm finally settling down at my keyboard. I hit play on iTunes and take a quick peek at Facebook. I'm doing the expressway scroll because, frankly, there is a lot of crap on FB. Then I see it, A Pioneer Woman post, entitled "A Sad Goodbye" and picture of "Charlie the Ranch Dog" 

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The residents of Romanskiville LOVE Charlie the Ranch Dog .. we have most of the books and some are pretty "loved' - wrinkled and torn from little, excited fingers tearing, I mean, turning pages. 

I love Ree Drummond, she reminds me a little bit of me .. well the straight shooter, tell it like it is part ... the cooking part, not so much. 

As I read the post and she described Basset Hounds, I immediately thought of our friends, Tim and Jeanne, and their beloved Sadie. I stole a Charlie the Ranch dog cookie jar ... from my boss.... in my work Yankee Swap just so that I could gift it to them.  Sadie passed last July and it was like losing our pet. 

As PW talks about Charlie's failing health and having to make "the decision" I'm almost instantly transported back to June 2011 and Storm. I read on and a tear rolls down my cheek...... 

I know it may seem a little silly to be crying over someone else's dog and I'll admit, I'm a little overtired, a little under the weather and Paul's away. Thing is - if you are a dog person - you get it, the pure anguish while you sit with your Storm or Charlie and they take their last breath. You can get another dog, and they fill part of the void, but they never completely fill the hole. 

I think Ree was right on when she said "But anyone who’s ever loved a dog understands that it’s a special kind of loss"  

It is so hard to say goodbye.