Partners

From the moment we sent Brooke out the door we believed that we were partners with her teacher. We've moved mountains to make sure we're at conferences, we're checking homework, and that we present a united front.

The girls had an awesome year - they experienced things that 2-3 years ago wouldn't have happened at their school. We are so fortunate, no, blessed really that they are enrolled in such an amazing school. We are so impressed by the dedication and work ethic of the staff ... they are unbelievably passionate.

We're better parents because their teachers take the time to keep us in the loop, answers questions when we ask and keep us all accountable.

Nothing gets my blood pressure up more than hearing a parent say "they are your problem from 9-3, after that they're mine" ... that is not how it works people .. well .. that might be how it works in some families .. but that strategy never, ever works well. 

Fight like a Girl

I've wanted to write about this person that I think is pretty amazing for a long time,  I have had the HARDEST time starting .. so tonight I decided to just write ....

I met this woman through other people first because she was out of work on extended medical leave. I heard parents talk about what a great teacher she was, I heard colleagues anxiously awaiting her return, and then when she made a brief appearance in the school -- there was almost complete mayhem in the hallway when her students saw her. There were squeals of delight, there were tears "when are you coming back?" "I miss you so much" ... literally made your heart sing to see the kids with her. 

She immediately introduced herself and asked what I did there, we chatted for minute, no more, and we were on our way in opposite directions. 

The staff was incredibly respectful so there was not tons of chatter about her situation ... I knew she'd had a double mastectomy and was undergoing reconstructive surgery. I drew my own conclusion .. cancer.

She returned to work and we got to know each other a little better, we became friends on Facebook and started referring to each other by first names, instead of Mrs. xxxx and Mrs. Romanski. I learned more about her through her Facebook posts - she is a wife, a step-mother but most of all she is a fighter. 

I learned that she didn't have cancer and all those tests, those surgeries, that pain and recovery .. it was all to AVOID cancer. Here's a little snippet from a fundraising page for an event she recently participated in that explains:

"I was diagnosed with a genetic mutation that puts me at a very high percentage to get both breast and ovarian cancers.. After finding two tumors in my breasts... Which thankfully were benign....The decision was made to have a double mastectomy. I underwent a double mastectomy with diep flap reconstruction on Oct 2,2014."

I think that it would be easy to slip into the "woe is me" mentality in her situation and, frankly, this woman popped into my life when there were days when I had some "woe is me" issues. Funny how that happens - huh?

So now to the reason she is amazing, as if all that wasn't enough, a few weeks ago she walked 39 miles .. THIRTY-NINE ... 26 one day and 13 the next .... and she had to raise at least $1800 to "qualify" for that privilege of walking all those miles. 

Of course she raised well over that $1800 because if you met her you would like her immediately ... her warmth, her smile, her humor, and her transparency. I love that she has fearlessly shared her journey with others.

I'm so proud to call her my friend!

39 Miles

This is the Day .....

Yesterday was "Marathon Monday" ... I headed off to work in my bright yellow and royal blue Boston Strong t-shirt. I only sort of half paid attention to the Boston Marathon until 2013. I was contemplating picking up running again before the bombings took place. For some reason that was the final straw, I started again. I stuck with it for a long time and then I let circumstances take the wheel and it fell by the wayside. 

I saw a video clip a little earlier of Rebekah Gregory crossing the finish line, dropping to her knees and resting her head on the pavement. I cannot imagine how she must of felt .. running a marathon on a prosthesis. I'm pretty sure it wasn't something on her bucket list .. at least not 2 years ago. 

Have there ever been times in your life where you have made a conscious decision to face something head on, something that had a mysterious control over you? 

There are few that come to mind for me .... 

the day I decided to get divorced and the day it was final

the day I decided that I wasn't going to waste energy on the nay sayers, the people who would always have an opinion AND see fit to share it with me even though I never asked

the day I decided to not let "I got laid off" define me

the day I decided not being the first choice was OK

I think this woman who decided that yesterday was her line in the sand, her chance to heal, her time to let go of the past, to "Take her life back" is incredibly brave and strong. I think when she knelt down at that finish line, that was when she really began to soar. 

Bravo, Rebekah Gregory, BRAVO 

Sometimes All You Have is Your Voice

The City of Norwich is proposing a 1% increase to the education budget. It is unrealistic and impractical to think that there will not be dire consequences. I value the education my kids and every other child is offered and I'm angry that it is being threatened. 

So many of you know that I am a Do'er, someone who is not afraid to lead, not afraid to take on work and that I am advocate for the educators that I have been so lucky to get to know this past year. Another one of the many blessings I have come to recognize after losing my job last April. 

There was a hearing tonight where the public would have the opportunity to speak, last week I got a text asking if I would. I declined with complete transparency "I'm terrified to speak in that setting" ... sincere words of encouragement followed. As the week went on, more encouragement and the guarantee my speaking out couldn't make anything worse. 

I went tonight and proudly sat in that gallery with a handful of parents, teachers and administrators and shared the following words. 

As a resident of Norwich and parent of 2 daughters attending Norwich Public Schools, I am deeply troubled by the proposed 1% increase to the education budget.

Given the demands of the Common Core Curriculum, changes to technology based standardized testing and the considerable diversity in the student population our teachers and staff are working extremely hard to give our students the best possible experience. By all accounts, there is visible success; failing to fund the budget at requested levels puts that success in jeopardy.

It is unfortunate that Norwich Public Schools is held hostage to the tuition increases at NFA. We cannot sacrifice PreK – 8 to cover the rising costs of 9-12.  

The funding of public education in Norwich is not just an issue for residents with school age children; the quality of our schools is what makes people want to move to our city and promotes growth and development.

Today there are many options in education – regional magnet schools, charter schools, private or parochial schools … My husband and I carefully considered our choices and chose Norwich Public Schools – it is time for you, our elected officials, to choose Norwich Public Schools too. 

Sometimes all you have is a voice and sometimes that is all you need. I only hope that I was heard.

Just Don't Picture Them Naked ....

If you follow this blog or know anything about me you know that I work on a college campus and the majority of my employees are students. We have quickly built strong working relationships. Today, two of my seniors were covering the desk while I was getting ready to leave. They were working side by side on a challenging project that was due by 8 am tomorrow. I shared with them how I was planning to speak at a public hearing on my town's budget and that I was very nervous. They both offered words of encouragement ... one said "just tell yourself you are talking to a group of friends" 

I stopped to ponder that for a few seconds...I was trying to decide if that might be a legitimate approach. 

Then she quickly added "just don't do that thing where you picture them naked, that never works well, you just end up laughing" I agreed and said my good byes and headed home. 

Fast Forward to later, at first it looks like I won't make it then Paul blows in at 6:25 and says "go, go  ... you can still get there"

I grab my prepared words, I find a place to park and even a seat near a friendly face in the gallery. I am late so I am not on the official "list" of people to be called to the podium. They work through that list of people and then the Mayor asks "Is there anyone else that would like to speak?"

The moment of truth .. I raise my hand ... a few others get called before me but then it is my turn. I walk to the podium, lean into the microphone and say "My name is Heather Romanski and I live ...."

I didn't think of them as friends or anything really. I tried to refer to my paper as little as possible, I tried to look at each face at least once, and I smiled when appropriate. Quite frankly, there were moments when I could hardly hear myself talk because my heart was pounding so hard that I thought my head would literally explode in the Council Chambers ... wouldn't THAT have been a headline.  I just kept reading and way before my 3 minutes were up I was thanking them and heading back to my seat.

At least I didn't picture them naked ... I'm not sure my heart or head could have taken that!

Don't consider the alternative

The weather has finally started to break around here ... there is more daylight and we are starting to see more and more grass in the yard. 

I am ecstatic, I am totally over the winter but especially the SNOW. I've always been one that tolerated the snow, indifferent really. I mean I worked from home, my kids childcare provider is 1 mile away, I drive a 4WD SUV ... no big brown truck for me! For years I had managed with no problem but this winter we narrowly averted a disaster of catastrophic proportion.  If I never see another blizzard it will be too soon.

In late January over 2 feet of snow was predicted to fall Monday into Tuesday. School for Tuesday was cancelled on Monday afternoon and when Paul got home Monday night he knew he was off on Tuesday. The weatherman was right on.

We woke up on Tuesday to a LOT of snow.... feet in some places and almost bare grass in other spots. The "walk out" area for the walk out basement was completely filled in with snow ... almost 3 feet deep in some spots. 

The girls were anxious to go out and play so the process of potty stops, boots, coats, mittens, hats ensued. Paul prepared to clean up the driveway. I decided that I should probably at least shovel the front walk and steps. 

I opened the door to head out and found Kristen ready to come in. I called Paul to help her and continued outside calling for Brooke. 

No Answer. 

I see the sled, keep calling, no answer ... think to myself "why don't they EVER answer me?" and then I saw her .. well I saw her feet

She was laying on her back in the area between the retaining walls that frame the walk out. I see her boots, her snow pants and she's kicking her feet ... still I didn't think too much .. snow angel?  

I'm guessing I talked to her for another 15 - 20 seconds before I realized that she was not answering me and I could not see her face, or any part of her head for that matter.

That was the moment that a gigantic wave of fear washed over me ... she was BURIED in the snow. I got to where I thought her head was as fast as I could, I dug the snow with my hands. It seemed like I dug for long enough where I should have been able to see her face .. but I couldn't find her. It all seemed like it was taking TOO long. I moved enough snow where I could pull her free by her waist.

She flopped forward and when I pulled her back to see her face .. she was blue, her eyes were open and fixed, her pupils were pinpoint, snow was covering her nose and mouth. 

I was in over my head, former EMT or not, I needed help. I had my cell in my pocket ... I tried to dial 911 while clearing her airway at the same time. My gloves were wet so the touch wouldn't register. I took my gloves off but it was still snowing and my phone was wet ... I pressed the 9, then the 1 but I got 122

All the while I'm trying to dial ... I'm shaking her, screaming her name, screaming for help and, finally, she gasps and starts to come around .. at first she's disorientated. By now, I've gotten the call to go through, they transfer me to the ambulance, and I retell my tale to the dispatcher. The ambulance is on the way ....

The ambulance arrived, drove by and got stuck turning around. By now we are in the house slowly warming the hand that she was using to try to free herself. They made their way down the driveway on foot, checked her vitals, listened to her lungs "they're clear" the paramedic declared. We finished the paperwork and they were on their way. 

I'm pretty sure they weren't even at the end of the driveway when I announced that there was no more playing the snow. That day pictures of families enjoying the snow dotted my FB timeline .. picture of kids in snow forts, tunnels and caves. I could literally feel my chest tighten looking at those pictures. 

When I called 911 they asked how long she was under the snow and I was embarrassed that I didn't know. The girls are 5 and 8, the house is way off the road now so I feel safe letting them play while I keep a watchful eye out the windows. Thinking back I am fairly certain that she had fallen backwards off the wall into the drift a few seconds before I rounded the corner .. I clearly remember her feet moving.

We lost a hat and a glove in the snow that day and they stayed buried for about a month. I tried to look one day but when I got to the basement door I couldn't open it. 

Paul went out one night after work and dug ... she desperately wanted her Elsa Flippeez hat from Garrett and Livy back ... I was ready to buy a new one

 This is where she fell off the retaining wall, backwards, into the drift. You can see the rocks peeking through the snow but you couldn't that day. Her feet were by that little blue lawn chair poking out of the snow. The force of her fall must have pushed her down into the snow.

Paul had to dig down almost 18 inches before he found the hat and gloves....

We have more rules now - always stay together, one comes in, you both come in, and no playing in the back yard .. plenty of room in the FRONT yard. 

- I'm not sure why I decided to help with snow removal that day
- I'm not sure why I grabbed my phone and shoved it in my pocket on the way out the door
- I'm not sure why I didn't stop to help Kris when she decided to come in at the moment I was going out
- I'm not sure why I went to find Brooke before grabbing my shovel or clearing the steps

It doesn't really matter why I did what I did ... I try hard not to even contemplate what could have happened

Because You Just Never Know ....

Cancer SUCKS .. I know, I state the obvious. 

Over the summer of 2014 I traded texts with my dear friend outside of Chicago who continues to wage her war on breast cancer. 

In November, I went to a very well attended benefit dinner for my cousin's son, Jordan. A few days later he celebrated his 22nd birthday and then began to prepare for his next cancer surgery.

In January our little friend, Simon, began his war on ALL - Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. There is a benefit concert scheduled at the end of the month, on his 2nd birthday.

Sadly, my experiences, my stories, they are not unique....this is why I Relay.

I've been involved with the American Cancer Society and Relay For Life events for more than 10 years. 

I signed up for the Relay at Conn College on April 18th. 

April 18th is....was.... my grandfather's birthday. In 1990, while I was out of the country on a class trip he died...complications of his cancer. He has been gone a long time and I still miss him today. I really, really wish that he had known Paul and the girls. 

So I Relay .. for those who left us too soon, for those who fight on and because you just never know ...