The Core Four

About a year ago I started referring to our family as "The Core Four" - Paul, Heather, Brooke and Kristen. I totally copied it from my New York Yankees .. Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, Andy Petitte, and Jorge Posada are the original "Core Four"

Anyway, in the spirit of Throwback Thursday, here's some Core Four then and now ... enjoy!

Core Four - May 2009

Core Four - August 2014

I got "THE" picture

Today was the big day .. the FIRST day of school. Brooke started third grade and Kristen went to Kindergarten .. all day!

Last night we bought new school shoes and had dinner out, on the cheap, thanks to the gift card file and kids eating free at 99 Restaurant the day after a Red Sox win. [Wonders never cease]

The girls picked out which version of the school uniform they were wearing and I dutifully ironed all the parts. See Mom, I DO use that iron you bought me!

Brooke woke up this morning and almost immediately said "I'm nervous"

"I know you are. I am too. Want to know something else?"

"What?" She asked full of anticipation.

"Your teacher is nervous too" I said.

"She IS??? She questioned.

"She is, she has to learn all about a brand new set of kids and there are so many changes this year now that you are a magnet school." I explained. 

That was the end of her anxiety attack. 

Kristen was in our bed tossing and turning around 12:40 this morning.  She was talking in her sleep, kicking Paul in the head .. he left and got in her bed an hour later. 

This morning she woke up fairly easily and right away told me she was excited. We dressed in her uniform and she started down the hall and then, well then she broke down.

"Kristen, why are you crying?"

She made her way back up the hall, threw her arms around my neck and said "But I'm going to miss you"

"It is just like a regular day of pre-school. We'll pick you up before you know it." I assured her. 

She joined Paul and Bradley on their morning walk and all seemed to be fine. 

Jeanne, Poppa, Gigi, and I took a million pictures.  

Gigi and Poppa joined us for the big send off

Jeanne and the girls

We waited and waited and waited ... FINALLY the bus came.  

Brooke grabbed Kristen's hand, they headed off down the driveway and made their way to the steps of the bus.  

And then, well that is when the magic happened. The moment I had waited 4 years to arrive did just that. I got the picture of the faces (not the backs of their heads) of my two beautiful girls climbing onto the bus 

I GOT THE PICTURE !!!!!

I thought it would be easier

Tomorrow is the first day of school. YAHOO .. back to a routine. This year is a milestone .. both girls will be in school ALL DAY. I was filled with anxiety when Brooke went to Kindergarten in 2011, I just re-read one of the posts I wrote that day, you can find it here. 

I thought it would easier (for me) this time. I mean we know the principal and lots of the school staff.  We went to the welcome back barbecue last night and lots of people shook our hands and offered welcome back hugs. This is not our first rodeo. 

Kristen's teacher found the spot we'd chosen to sit with our dinner and introduced herself ... Kristen wouldn't even make eye contact, would not talk, would not tell her name, NOTHING. Brooke shared the entire story of our summer with her.  Talk about Ying and Yang.

My friend sent her little one to kindergarten on Monday and she said it was harder than when she sent her older daughter. She thought it was because she was "the baby". Jeez .. I hadn't even thought about that. This is our "last" first day of kindergarten. On Wednesday, both girls are in school, all day. How did that happen? How is that possible? Weren't they just born? learning to walk? starting to talk?

I thought it would be easier this time because we've done this before. Now that the day has come .. I'm not so sure .. I still have that knot in my stomach and when I start to think about watching her get on the bus my eyes start to glisten.  

We were assured that Kristen will be fine on Wednesday. I sort of believe that, I am pretty certain that once she gets on the bus she'll follow her sister's lead and never look back. I guess that means we are doing something right .. training them up to make their own way.

I thought it would be easier ..... 

O Captain my captain

Earlier this week, I was sitting in the kitchen of a close friend's beach cottage and heard the familiar tune alerting me to a new text message. I grabbed my phone, flipped it over, and was stunned. "Actor Robin Williams has died at the age of 63" it read. It was not until later that night that I learned that he had taken his own life and my jaw literally dropped. 

I think that there is this notion that people in the spotlight, people with money and fame, are immune to common everyday challenges. I knew that Robin Williams had struggles with depression. I think I drew the conclusion that he must have the best medicine, best treatment plans, best therapists. I mean he was always laughing - right? I guess that is the thing though, about depression, sometimes all that isn't enough. 

Almost 2 years ago, something very similar struck our tight knit little group of friends. That dreaded phone call in the middle of the afternoon with the news that he was gone, taken his own life. On the outside, he was the life of the party and always laughing. I've been thinking about him more than usual since the news of Robin's untimely passing broke. 

It is so easy to judge and create labels - how selfish, cowardly - you know the things that people say. I think we really want the answer to the "why" when we can't wrap our heads around the reality, so that is what we come up with. I think the answer is you never really know what people are dealing with, what their fighting, wrestling with. Some people are really, really good at keeping all that hidden and sometimes it is just too much. 

"Oh Captain my captain, your fearful trip is done"

Don't BLINK

"trust me friend a hundred years go faster than you think - so don't blink" Kenny Chesney

Can you believe that the first week of August is over?  We are still enjoying the sunshine, the pool and summer fun activities but I'm painfully aware that in a little over 2 weeks the girls are back to school.  For all my teacher friends, that reality is closer. 

Despite the uncertainty of my employment future - we have had a great summer. 

The highlight was almost 2 weeks for us and 3 weeks for the girls in South Carolina. We stayed up late and slept in, our big decision for the day was which bathing suit and flip flops to wear. 

Don't get me wrong, the CT and RI beaches that we live near are nice but there is something about the water and the sand in Myrtle Beach. For the most part we avoided the commercialism of the area - we did go to the Pirate's Voyage dinner show and spent a day at Broadway on the Beach - but mostly we just soaked up the sun and the salt air. 

 
So summer is quickly coming to an end and we are shifting gears. We're getting school supplies ready, planning which school uniform we're wearing on the first day and realizing that the list of things we were going "to do this summer" still has lots left unchecked ... it is so amazing to me how fast time goes. 

"Don't Blink"

What you see

I stumbled across this quote earlier tonight, let's just say it struck a cord. 

The past 6 weeks have been an adjustment to say the least, new routines, no routines, no schedule, it is all um... weird.

There have been applications, phone screens, rejection emails and interviews. I get emails with anywhere from 15 to 50 possible positions daily - some are duplicates, some are not even close, like the greeter at Friendly's and others are not that easy to rule out. What does that company do? Am I qualified? Should I apply anyway? How long of a commute is that? 

Last week wasn't a great week, Kristen is struggling with my not working, when the girls struggle, I struggle. There was lots of back and forth to workshops, meetings and preparations for a full weekend of family activities. The workshops are definitely worth the time but the back and forth makes it harder to get in a groove. I was tired from the running and felt like little progress was made on the job search front.  The self-imposed emotional breakdown followed.  

I do desperately want people to believe that I am OK, to think that I have it together. Most days it IS OK, but some days it isn't.  

I learning to accept that it's OK, to not be OK. 

I Run .....

Yesterday was National Running Day and it also happened to be the Special Olympics Law Enforcement Torch Run. My brother works in law enforcement and organizes some of these activities for his department.  In the last few weeks we've had some delicious meals at their "Tip a Cop" events and yesterday there was a run from the police station to one of the elementary schools where the torch got handed off to the next department. I wanted to do this with him last year, but I had JUST started to run .. no way .. this year well I have the time since I'm not working and I run 5K's, I just got brand new Brooks running shoes and even my Mom said they run "slow"

The first time you ever do something there is a learning curve ... when we did Relay For Life, when I bought into a Community Sponsored Agriculture share, anything ... clearly the more you participate, the longer you do something the better you get, the more you learn. Let me just say, we will chalk yesterday up to a learning experience.

This is quite a production. The City of Groton was the lunch stop - David picked up pizza, a few other officers picked up drinks and the team ate before heading out. There are State Police on motorcycles, there are cruisers, there is a truck with volunteers in the back encouraging you as you run.  There is a follow car behind the last runner.  The last runner, that would be me ....

I so should have bagged out of when my brother announced, "actually it is really more like 4 miles - not 3.  No big deal right - it's just another mile"  I didn't quit then, but I had a back up plan .. my parents were stalking the run from various points .. I could just "fallout" and get in with them.

 I arrived at the police station, full of anxiety, no way I was gonna be going to be able to do this.  I really should have climbed into a car when David said "9 min mile pace" 

Pictures were taken, the torch was lit, and the engines were started ... 

Torch Run - Runners and Support Team

I was in a car before mile 1 because I just couldn't keep up.  I chatted with the off duty officer that was kind enough to let me ride with her.  We listened to the music they played and the officers took turns running with the torch.

City of Groton - Special Olympic Torch Run
David made the hill look easy even with the torch

Then about a mile before the hand off to the next department .. that is when the real magic happens.  A Special Olympian waits patiently with her mom on the side of the road to join in.  Our first runner was Kathy ... she grabbed the torch and was off, the officer that was supposed to help support the torch had to catch up. They were in section of town with a lot more traffic and that combined with the effort it takes for 2 people to run and share the torch duty the pace slowed some.   I was able to jump out and sprint ahead and get photos ... 

Kathy and Officer Edwards sharing the torch

A little ways down the road, Stephen, another Special Olympian joined the group.  He ran with David and after a few pictures I ran with them.  Stephen was SO excited - the lead truck was encouraging motorists to beep in support and Stephen would smile and wave whenever someone did. We asked him what his sport was
"I swim"  Stephen answered
"Swimming, that's hard isn't it" David said 
"No, not really" 
And he just kept running

Then before we knew it there was the Town of Groton Department waiting for their turn. 

The torch was passed and the group loaded back into cars and went their separate ways. 

I went yesterday expecting to run and expecting to struggle.  I went partly because I could hear Paul's voice in my head saying "we're not quitters" even though I knew I was in trouble standing next to all those police officers who are in much better shape than me. 

I had sort of forgotten that the athletes would be running too and what that does to the atmosphere - how determined they are, how passionate they are, no matter how hard it gets - they never even think about stopping .... 

The last few months I've been ignoring the gym and my running. Making excuses - up too late, need new shoes, don't have time ... I'm pretty sure I didn't run a mile yesterday .. but .. this morning I ran TWO.

Sometimes you need a kick in the ass ... yesterday I got mine compliments of my "little" brother and 2 Special Olympians.  

and yes, I RUN.