Building a Habit is HARD

 

I'm not sure who to attribute that quote to, but it really helps me keep things in perspective. 

I said I was going to write for 100 days straight. If I'm being honest, I knew when I said that -- I was going to miss some days. I didn't anticipate it going off the rails so quickly, but here I am on day #9 - needing to also write #7 and #8. 

The old me would have thought - "well I couldn't even make it through 2 weeks, might as well give up" 

The me of today -- asked "what will it take to get you back on track" and I thought for a few minutes and devised a plan. Write a post before your work day starts and another at lunch. Depending on how the dinner rush at home goes and what others need from me -- maybe a 3rd tonight. I contemplate and think "Ehhh - that might be a little ambitious." You see, waking up at 4am every day -- makes me kinda lose steam around 8pm. I'm not necessarily ready for bed then - but I'm not always feeling creative or motivated to put words on paper. So my "plan b" is that maybe I'll also double up tomorrow. 

I'm also working both weekend days at my parttime job so maybe the double up plan will allow me to get ahead and stay on track. 

That's the thing about building habits - it is HARD. Throwing in the towel, that's easy - but it doesn't move your forward.

If your intention is to push yourself, if your intention is to grow -- you have to change that ONE flat tire and get back on the road.

I bet you can even make up some time.

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Signs of Spring

 

I don't know about you, but I am ready for SPRING!!!

Maybe it's because I work on a college campus and the students are off on 2 weeks Spring Break, but I am done with winter. 

There really was nothing to complain about given that I do live in New England and our winter was very mild, but once we "spring forward", I'm all about the Spring. 

Last Sunday, during the children's message at church, our pastor asked the kids (and the congregation) to list signs of Spring. Since she asked that, I noticed that I have been consciously looking for them.

I'm noticing..........

- my crocus and daffodils poking through the ground

- the grass looking a little greener

- the birds chirping away when I walk the dog before I leave for work

- the peep frogs (one of my favorites)

- daylight after work

- more people walking in the afternoons

What are you noticing?

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Laughing so Hard

 

I am in a yearlong coaching and mentoring program with some really fantastic women. We're spread out all over the US, but we keep in touch using Zoom meetings and this walkie talkie app called Voxer. Voxer is cool because you can type like a text, you can create groups, broadcast groups, or you can press the button and send an actual voice message. I know you can do this in texts too, but there's something about this app that makes it different to me.

Most mornings, as I'm walking the dog, I send a little voice message - we've nicknamed this "Heather's Hoot", corny I know, but that's where we landed.

This morning I was a little early to meet my Saturday walking buddy. I popped open Voxer and there were some messages to catch up on. There were a couple of links - I watched the first video that was shared, and it was about this inappropriate name of a Cabbage Patch doll from 1987. I mean that post in itself caused side splitting laughter. Then there was one about friendship that made you say "awwww" out loud. 

Then there was a voice recording from one of my friends where she is trying to talk about the inappropriately named doll and she is laughing SO HARD in the recording that when you are listening to it - I mean, you can't not start laughing uncontrollably as she is laughing. You can't even imagine how happy that recording of her cracking up made me. 

I need to download that clip so I can save it on my phone and play it whenever I need a little pick me up. 

It. is. That. GOOD. 

Laughter really is the best medicine. 

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Please Let Me Know

 

For years when people I cared about were going through a hard time, I often said "whatever you need, just let me know." For the longest time, I never noticed that one ever really asked for anything. I interpreted it as "they must be all set" when more likely, they didn't know what to ask.

I'm lucky to have lived a pretty charmed life. My parents are still married to this day, no catastrophic family illnesses, or things that tend to knock the wind out of your sails for a long time.

There was my divorce when I was 29, but I was lucky to have friends who didn't ask what I needed, they seemed to instinctively know. It wasn't something that I consciously noticed until years later.

Sometime in the last 10 years, I read an article that talked about how good our intentions are when we say "Let me know if you need anything" but how really unhelpful that can be. The reason being sometimes whatever we're going through or trying to manage is so big, so hard, SO much, that we don't have any idea what to even ask for. The article gave really practical suggestions on how to adapt your approach. As I read, I started to think about times when people had called and offered very specific things and how it actually was so much easier to accept or amend their offer. 

There was the time when I had a new baby, and my cousin came to sit with her so I could walk the dog for an hour on a gorgeous September afternoon. Then there was the 2nd baby and my sister called to ask if she could come over on Mother's Day and we could order pizza for lunch. When she got here, she asked what was on my list that day. 

"I need to go to Walmart." I told her.

"OK, we can go after lunch and get whatever you have on your list" She volunteered.

What a gift. 

When we were building the house, my best friend called during the week and asked if she could take the girls for lunch and to see the Alpacas on Saturday. 

"Maybe you'd be able to paint or pack while they aren't home?" she suggested. 

Unbelievable! 

As I processed that article I was reading, I decided right then and there, I was changing my approach when I offered my assistance. My go to offer is to drop off a meal when a new baby arrives. Especially, if it isn't their first baby. Everyone thinks that first baby is the hardest. In my experience, we had so much help the first time - meals for days. The second baby arrives, and everyone thinks you've got it all figured out. You do, sort of, but now there are even more people that need to eat! I've adopted the "I'd like to drop off dinner next week, I could do Monday or Thursday - what day is best for you?" I can't think of a time when my offer has been declined.

When my friend's daughter was killed in a car accident, we had no idea how to help or provide any kind of support. I kept thinking that in that particular situation, what she needed was her daughter back and that was impossible. She lived in our neighborhood so one morning I sent a text...

"I'm going to Stop and Shop later, if I can pick anything up for you, just shoot me a text. I can text when I am on the way and leave it at your front door."

A little while later, she replied.

"Can you get me a bottle of Dawn? Like the blue Dawn with the duck on the label? I asked my aunt and she got me Palmolive, I know this sounds silly, but it's not the same."

"Doesn't sound silly to me at all. If you think of more stuff during the day, I'm not going until after work. Happy to pick up whatever."

She was grateful to have something familiar - like Dawn - but not have to go to the store. What I never told her was how grateful I was to do something as simple and ordinary as pick up $20 worth of items for her.

I think that's the thing, right? Sometimes we're so tired, frustrated or overwhelmed by whatever - grief, loneliness, anger, pain - that we do need help, but we have no idea how to even verbalize it.

So that's I what do now. I call or text and make a specific offer. I can't think of a time since I've changed my approach when it hasn't been accepted or altered in a way that fits the current need. 

The next time you catch yourself about to say "let me know if you need anything" I challenge you to take a different approach.

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Stuck in the Middle

 

Teachers are some of my most favorite people in the world. They were part of the reason that I volunteered to serve on my community's Board of Education. 

For years I said "there is a special place in heaven for Kindergarten teachers" ... then our youngest kiddo started middle school. 

She went to 6th grade in the Fall of 2020, y'all remember what school looked like then? 

I've since updated my saying ...

"There is a special place in heaven for Kindergarten AND Middle School teachers." 

Middle School is NO. JOKE.

The meme above applies to the parents of this kiddos too, not just their teachers! 

I thought it was hard when the girls were 2 and 5, or 3 and 6 but this middle school thing... Oh. EM. GEE. 

I know that this is a season and that someday I'll look back and laugh. There is NOT a lot of laughing these days.

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Send the Card

 

I love to send cards - birthday, new baby, thank you, thinking of you and even sympathy cards. I love the idea of someone going to the mailbox and getting something that makes them realize they were thought of. 

I'll add that I have really, REALLY good intentions and them sometimes the moment passes and I never sent the card because it will be "too late." Then there was this moment when my perspective was changed. 

On Sunday at church, there was a young couple and at least one child (this was a long time ago), the wife took the kid(s) to Sunday school and the man was left by himself. We got to the part of the service where the congregation shares their "Joys and Concerns." He raised his hand and was handed the mic. 

"I'm in the military and I have been stationed away from home. This church sent me letters while I was deployed and I should have thank you a long time ago. I really appreciated knowing that people were thinking and praying for me" 

I'm paraphrasing but you get the gist. 

After service, people were shaking his hand and someone said 'There's no expiration on gratitude" 

"Huh, I'd never thought about it like that" but I go back to that still to this day and kind of adapt it to some other sentiments. 

There's this woman at work, we work in very different departments but have served on a few committees together. Her husband died in the Fall and almost as soon as I found out, I pulled out a sympathy card. Then I got busy and I tried to look for her home address. I didn't know her husbands first name or what town she lived in, and their last name -- pretty common. I kept moving this card around on my desk. 

FINALLY, in January, I asked myself "is really that important that you send this to her HOME?? Isn't it more important that she knows you were thinking of her?"

So I just sat down that day at lunch and wrote out the card. I said that I had been thinking of her as she grieved such a significant loss, then said that I had tried to find her home address and that I hoped that she believed that there was no expiration on people sending wishes of kind words. I told myself that maybe getting a card a few months later - when she was, no doubt, still grieving - but when many had returned to their regular programming - might even be a blessing. I dropped the card in an interoffice envelope and sent it on its way. 

Guess what, she emailed me a couple of days later ....

"Got the card - thanks so much for thinking of me! No, there is no expiration on kind words. I'm making it through with the support of all the kind words I've been receiving."

Send the note ... whenever you get to it. I'm putting my money on it will be appreciated whenever it arrives. 

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Happy New Year?

 

I sent an email to a friend over the weekend with the subject line "March????"

I literally cannot believe that it is already March, actually, tomorrow is the halfway point. 

2023 didn't really start the way I thought it would or had planned. My dad had a couple of health challenges, and I am so grateful to be able to help my parents navigate that whole journey.  My parents travel quite a bit, and it was a blessing that they were home and close to my sister, brother and me.

I'm happy to report that dad is on the mend. 

I also realized that there are more than 15 more days in March, you don't need to start on the 1st to start. You just need to start. There is plenty of time to start on that 2023 list of "To Do's"

Plenty of time to get somethings done. 

Plenty of time to make forward progress. 

Here we go ... 

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