Take Out

#7 - I am thankful for takeout .. especially when its cheap

We used to order Dominos .. delivered once a week. A medium Hawaiian and a medium Meat Lovers, throw in tax, delivery fee and a tip and you were talking a $25 night out (at home).

For the last several months Dominos has offered a large 3 topping pizza for $7.99 Monday thru Thursday and when we throw in the breadsticks its $12.74. The only stipulation is you have to pick it up .. we can handle that when it cuts our bill in half. Given that I have the total memorized I think that means we are creatures of habit .. same order, usually on a Wed or Thurs, almost weekly. 

Last night was one of those nights .. I ordered our pizza .. for dinner .. at 9:05.

#7 - I am thankful for takeout .. especially when its cheap

Second Chances

# 6 - I am thankful for second chances

Paul and I met in 2002.  I was newly divorced and he was still in the process of finalizing his.  Two people in their 30's, emotionally beaten, battered and worn out. We met at a mutual friend's 40th birthday party.  Some friends were skeptical, some protective, others convinced we were a good fit.  It took a LONG time from that first introduction for him to call and ask me out .. like over a month .. he's so lucky that I waited.  

I had learned much from my previous experiences and knew what I wanted going forward -- marriage, kids, a partnership.  I told him this on our 2nd or 3rd date and that if he didn't have the same plan, we shouldn't waste each other's time.  It still amazes me that it didn't end that night .. I mean we had been out maybe THREE times. 

Here we are all these years later - we've built a marriage, a family and a freaking house ... all have a very strong and solid foundation.  I think part of the strength comes from always owning what came before .. not forgetting.  Don't get me wrong - we don't dwell on it but we let the past remind us of how lucky we are in the present.

# 6 - I am thankful for second chances

A Right and a Privilege

#5 - I am thankful for the right to vote

This is not old news, in fact, I have been thankful for this for a long time and even blogged about it last year in this post

We are electing a Mayor this year in Norwich as well as City Council and Board of Education members.  The Republican Mayor is running for re-election, a Libertarian candidate is on the ballot as well as a Democratic contender.  There was so much interest in the Democratic Party that there was actually a Primary in September. The endorsed candidate in that primary happened to be my ex-husband.  I am a registered Democrat and planned on voting in that primary.  I read the propaganda that both candidates delivered to my mailbox, I had a lovely conversation with a member of the Hinchey campaign and appreciated the fact that my Ex chose to drive by and not stop, especially since my entire family was home and out in the yard.  I went to the debate that was held and I listened, intently, to the candidates speak.  

Most of the people who follow this blog might have known me when I was married to him or they know that it was a particularly messy and miserable divorce and most know that there was no reason that it had to be like that.

I will not lie, it was difficult to ride around town and see the signs with his name everywhere, to get postcards with his big head and shit ass grin in my mailbox. It was hard to listen to his supporters talk about "all the good he has done for this city."

When you know what I know, saw what I saw, experienced what I experienced you would understand how frustrating it was to keep quiet and to let Karma take control. 

All I could do was vote and I did.  He did not win that primary and he was not on the ballot today.  It might make me seem shallow, petty or small but when I learned that the signs were all coming down and he was out of the limelight until his next "big thing" I celebrated with a fist pump in the air and a gigantic hot fudge sundae from the ice cream shop at the bottom of the hill. 

#5 - I am thankful for the right to vote [and particularly thankful this year]

Dinner Time

#4 - I am thankful for the nights when we can all have dinner together

There was one of those rare occasions last night .. the "man in brown" was home a few minutes after 6 PM. I know, I could hardly believe it myself.  It is November after all and everywhere I turn I see Christmas trees and hear that "Black Friday" specials are in full force.

Regardless, he was home at 6, we were all sitting down to dinner around 6:40 even if one child refused to eat the pancakes and sausage that were being served.

In addition to us all sitting around the table together exchanging laughs and stories about our day and only having to cook dinner one time, there were other benefits.

The "other" benefits included me getting to the gym for quality time on the elliptical with an old episode of Scandal.  It meant me getting to the grocery store at 8:30 not 9:30 and it meant that I was peacefully tucked in bed playing Suduko with the TV in the background for white noise at 10 pm. It meant lights out at 10:30 and no trouble waking when the alarm beeped at 5:00 AM today.

I've heard that it works like this in lots of households almost daily and I know that there are lots of households where it doesn't EVER.  I am thankful for every single time it does here in Romanskiville. 

I mean who wouldn't want to eat dinner with these three?

#4 - I am thankful for the nights when we can all have dinner together

Nap Time

#3 - I am thankful for naps

Sunday was the first day of Daylight Savings Time so theoretically we had an "extra" hour of sleep.  Everyone seemed to be up at their normal time which translates to an hour earlier. The girls needed baths and showers before Christmas pictures at 12:30.  Everyone needed breakfast, Church, quick snack, into their dresses, hair done before heading to the mall  .. phew we were out of the house about 5 minutes ahead of our scheduled departure time!

We did our errands and grabbed a quick lunch and headed home.  The girls snuggled up on the couch with an episode of Sofia the First and I snuck upstairs to see if I could sneak a little nap.

I was successful and clearly was out cold because when my mom called the house I was in that "I've been asleep for 40 minutes but it feels like 4 days" fog ...

I think before the phone rang I looked something like the girls from a few mornings ago.  I needed it though and once I shook the post nap fog I felt refreshed and ready for the rest of the day. 

#3 - I am thankful for naps

Baby Days

#2 - I am thankful for babies and the miracle that they are ...

Earlier this year, my cousin and his lovely wife were blessed with a daughter.  Alayna Stacia arrived in early June and the Holliday Family could NOT be happier. Last week we were lucky enough to get the call. "Could you keep Alayna while I work on Saturday"  We excitedly and anxiously said "Yes".  She was quite a little trooper and seemed to enjoy the excitement and movement around her - the waiting area in the dance studio and the chaotic madness at the bowling alley.  

She napped here and there in the carseat and then the swing, she played on the floor with Brooke and Kristen and she watched a Barbie movie with them .. the girls are determined to introduce her to their whole collection.  She is just so easy to have around. 

I can remember a few years ago my dad telling me how much he enjoyed being a grandparent. How it was all of the good and none of the bad, that they were taken care of and he didn't have to worry or wonder about their futures because, well, I was doing that.  It was pretty much the same for me today.  When Alayna comes we just enjoy her, I don't plan on getting much done on my perpetual list of "to do's", there will be time for that tomorrow.  

The weather was gorgeous and I snuggled her up in a blanket and we sat in a rocking chair on the front porch.  She laid so still, resting her head on my shoulder and had a hold of my sweatshirt sleeve so tight in her grasp.  We must have rocked for 30 minutes and she barely moved - we just rocked holding onto each other.  Absolute, complete joy to have that time.  I barely remember my girls sitting like that at 5 months, I'm sure they did but I was probably so sleep deprived, worried about dinner, laundry, bills or if I was going to do something that might inadvertently harm them that it all flew out of my memory.

Pretty soon Alayna will be walking around when she comes to visit and she'll spend all the time she is here in the playroom with the girls.  It won't be so easy to get her to rock with me for a while on the porch.  

I am thankful for this time with her now.  She reminds me of how miraculous babies are!

#2 - I am thankful for babies and the miracle that they are  ... 

Thirty Days of Thanks

I like to think that I really appreciate all that I have - tangible and intangible - but last year I jumped on the bandwagon with some other Facebook peeps and for the month of November I called out things that I was thankful for.  Today is November 1st and I find that there is something powerful about saying these things out loud for 30 days.  It started conversations with my kids, it reminded some people what an important part of my life they are, and some posts just bring a smile to the faces of my faithful Romanskiville Readers.  

Here's to 2013's Thirty Days of Thanks!

#1 - I am thankful for a peaceful and quiet Friday night

You might be surprised to hear this, but we do a LOT of running around.  Two girls in dance class, 2 girls enrolled in the Saturday Bumper Bowling league, preschool, second grade, 2 working parents, a dog who spends one day a week at doggie daycare .... not a lot of idle time. 

Tonight we were idle ... we came home from school, we walked Bradley, the girls played dress-up in their Halloween costumes while I heated up dinosaur chicken nuggets.  We ate and then the 3 of us climbed up on to the couch, each with a fleece throw and we watched this weeks episode of "The Biggest Loser".  It might seem like an odd choice, but I swear, they picked it!  

The girls seem genuinely invested in the contestants and their success. Sometimes we even have a conversation about our own healthy habits or how we can be more active [oh the irony of that as we snuggle on the couch, on our butts.]  The best part is that the 3 of us fit on the loveseat.  I'm nestled in between them, Brooke on my left, Kristen on my right.  One rests their head on my shoulder, the other holds the hand at the end of the arm I've draped around her. 

No one is whining and no one [Me] is barking orders.  We are just sitting there peacefully together.  Oh and the added bonus .. NO 5 am alarm tomorrow morning to get in a workout at the gym. Ahhhhhh.....

#1 - I am thankful for a peaceful and quiet Friday night

Kids say the darndest things

Yesterday I ran in the Surftown 5K.  The course was flat and had some great views along the way.  Minus the toothache that prompted an emergency dentist visit at 2 pm today, my body feels great. The day did start early yesterday and when I got home I snuck back into bed and tried to get a quick nap.  

About 10 minutes later Kristen made an appearance in my room and climbed into bed with me.  She snuggled up close to me, eye to eye, nose to nose. She was playing with my hair when she looked at me and said the following:

"Mom, I'm so proud of you for wunning in da race today. You did so good and you winned a medal.  Mom, I just love you so much."

My eyes filled with tears, I was overcome with her genuine pride and acknowledgement of my accomplishment. Then about 45 seconds later she added this ....

"And Mom you don't even smell"

I start chuckling "I don't even smell ?? Well that's good right?"

"Yup Mom, you're not stinky at awll"

What is it they say out of the mouths of babes .....

Beach Day

This morning I got up at 4:40 to meet my friend, Brenda, to drive to a 5K along Misquamicut Beach.  This is not a big deal, we've run at least 3 races together before today ..  4:40 am is a new all time "early" for a 5K though.

I prepared last night - shoes, socks, phone holder, 5K belt and before the alarm went off I snuck down the hall in our bedroom to the bathroom and got dressed. Teeth brushed and hair tucked up haphazardly into a ponytail I tiptoed down the stairs, grabbed my bag and sat in the downstairs bathroom to put my shoes on .. all in the name of not disrupting the shut eye of the family dog.

It was chilly this morning as we headed to check in .. we get to the tent and the woman asks "Do you have your ID?" .. "Um... in the CAR" after a brief little issue locating me in the computer (R-O-M-A-N-S-K-I) Brenda and I were numbered up and headed back to the car to sit with the heat on for a few minutes.  The final Musketeer, Don,  joined us and we plotted our race strategy.  "Finish"  

We took a quick walk up to the beach since we would be watching the road while we were actually running and not getting distracted by the views. 

Then we started back towards the starting line .. there was a Half Marathon starting 10 minutes before the 5K.  There were SO MANY people lined up, the starting line is up by those columns of balloons. 

The gun fired and we were off down Atlantic Avenue.  Someone was cooking bacon, that seemed unusually cruel, then a bit further down the road SKUNK, then the one mile surfboard. Runners were starting the loop back now, at first just a few then the volume grew.  I'm concentrating at this point, one foot in front of the other, head up, elbows in, relaxed .. then I hear my name .. OMG someone KNOWS me - ugh!  Thankfully it is that sweetheart friend of mine, Mary, who has been encouraging me along this journey.  Ah ... the turnaround, the water stop, we're still running .. usually we have to stop and walk at least once or twice ... then the 2 mile surfboard. Over half way there! At this point, no, I'm sure it was earlier than this, I was wishing that I had taken off my running jacket .. thought about sliding my arms out and letting the empty sleeves flap like wings.... decided against that but made my friends PROMISE to remind me not to run in that again.

It was about mile 2.5 that I fell into a groove, my arms and legs just moved together effortlessly.  A woman from the race staff encouraged us as we rounded the corner "You're almost there - the finish line is just ahead"   I could hear the announcer but hell if I could see the finish line ... right foot, left foot, right foot .. then I hear my name again .. there is that Mary, complete with her entourage spurring me on towards the finish line, yes, I can see it now .. .. as we are just about crossing the timing mat I hear the guy on the mic say "smile for the camera, Ladies"  and then "Oh I can see that's the picture on this year's Christmas Card" Yeah, sure you say that to all the girls.

We finished, we improved our pace, we ran the entire time and, truth be told, it was fun and we're planning on doing it next year!

Oh and we got a MEDAL ... How about a "like" for the BLING

New Beginnings

Today is September 11 and believe me when I tell you I will NEVER forget that day in 2001.  I was in the throws of a divorce, living with my parents, trying hard to figure out the road ahead of me, then in the matter of a few minutes all my own woes and troubles seemed to instantly disappear.  I've written about that day before on Romanskiville, how that day changed me, for the better I think but still changed.

Last year we were expecting our new house to be delivered one day and set on the foundation the next.  Our original delivery date was "the last week in August", emphasis on original delivery date. We learned in late August that we were about 2 weeks behind schedule.  Early in September we get an email telling us the house will arrive in the afternoon of September 10  late in the afternoon and will be set on the found on September 11.  

"September 11" I thought to myself "Jeez why does it have to be on THAT day" I kept that thought to myself for 2 reasons really #1 - that was the day unless there was some freak rain or wind storm there was no moving it and #2 - I should be thrilled that my new dream home is getting set on the foundation and the date shouldn't matter.

The pieces arrived as promised on September 10, in all their "Oversize Load" glory complete with several escorts.

We took pictures, climbed up to look in windows, I could see the kitchen and the appliances.  It was AWESOME. 

The next day started early - the set crew and the crane arrived before 7:00 am .. the sun was still coming up.

The first 2 pieces were on before 10 am and it was starting to look like a house.

There were lots of people here that day, the builder, the set crew, my parents, my mother in law, Uncle Steve, my sister in law, brother in law and a handful of people stopped in to watch with amazement.  One particular person, a woman I met at church several years ago, a woman who has become a really dear friend, came that day to catch some of the action.  We stood together and watched for a while and then she said to me "I think its neat that this is happening today, 9/11 is such a sad day, but you, you're building something new, that you've dreamed about, this is your new beginning"  Ah, it really is all about perspective - isn't it? Sometimes you need to hear a fresh one. 

So today I remembered that terrifying day in 2001 but I also thought back to the day last year, when the house we talked about, dreamed about, scrimped and saved for appeared before my very eyes in a matter of hours. I remembered that day in 2012 and I smiled.  I smiled because it was a dream come true. It was a new beginning for us. 

September 11, 2001 might have changed me, but September 11, 2012 changed me too.

Noah's Ark

I get these email forwards from an acquaintance all the time .. you know you have at least one friend like this who forwards you more dirty jokes, Anti-Obama propaganda, links to You Tube videos, etc. than you can shake a stick at.  I rarely have time to plow through all these .. so most of the time they just get a bulk delete executed on them.   Today, I was able to check out a few before dumping them.  I think this one got my attention because the subject line said "Noah's Ark" and I thought there might be a cute picture of an elephant .. I have thing for elephants, but we'll leave that for another day.

Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark. 

ONE: Don't miss the boat. If you do, you miss out on so much

TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat! While our trials and tribulations might present themselves differently .. we really are all more the same than we are different ... be kind to others .. ya know like your parents taught you to be

THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark . I'm not sure of the actual figure, but the majority of families live paycheck to paycheck and are just one injury, one unexpected expense away from the brink of financial ruin ... 

FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. It is a HELL of a lot harder to get back into shape then to stay in shape ... says the 40 something, plump girl who started running again after a 12 year hiatus who now dreams of finishing a half marathon "someday"

FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. There really are too many to list here, suffice it to say that I have met several critics in these 40 years .... some are terminally critical, some focus their criticism on a particular area - parenting, career goals, decorating style, and others eventually come around.  I have come to realize that sometimes the criticism is really just a distraction from their own shortcomings.

SIX: Build your future on high ground. 

Hurricane Irene, Hurricane Sandy... that about covers the literal "higher ground" .. as for the figurative .. build your future on a foundation of honesty, loyalty, fairness

SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. 

This was part of my argument when lobbying Paul for Baby #2 ... they would have each other to travel through life .... 

EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. Haste makes waste ... 

NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile. 

Sometimes in the heat of the battle it is hard to take a step back, to stop kicking and paddling, to just lift your feet and float.  There are times when it is hard for me to be still or to quiet the voices in my head  .. running is my float now, I put on my cute neon pink visor, lace up my shoes and hit the road.  The music, the fresh air, the concentration of putting one foot in front of the other makes everything else fall away

TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. Just cause you have a title or a degree doesn't mean you are any wiser .. be open, listen.  It takes a lot of concentration and patience to listen ... not so much to talk. 

ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. Most of the people who follow this blog know that I have a strong faith and belief in God. I rely on Him for strength and support when I am tested. I am raising my children to believe in Him as well, and I believe, that with Him all things are possible. 

First Day of School

Today was the first day of school in Norwich ... funny it seems like it was not that long ago that it was the last day of First Grade!

We had some teary moments the last few days in Romanskiville from our would be 2nd grader.  "I'm just soooo nervous"  I tried ignoring it, I tried acknowledging it, I tried "are you kidding me -- you run that place .. you are going into SECOND grade" .. all without much success.

We have a routine on the first day in our house ... we both, Paul and I, go to Jeanne's and we load up the driveway with all the little kids for pictures and good-byes.  

Here is this year's class

Here's our full time Preschooler and our Second Grader

After a few tears while we were loading into cars to head to Jeanne's house we arrived and Brooke settled right in.  Wondering about this and guessing about that ... then Jeanne heard the bus coming and they were off down the driveway.

Both Jeanne and Brooke seemed relieved when the door opened and it was our dear Ms. Sharon driving the bus. "Welcome Back, Brooke!" as she got near the door and then, in the blink of an eye she was gone ...

At least this year, at the very last moment, Brooke turned to look out the window at the 3 adults wildly waving good-bye and waved back.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words ...

My Aunt posted this picture to Facebook earlier today and when I saw it, it took my breath away.  This is my Uncle Steve and my cousin, Stephen, or Ducky as some of us refer to him. These guys are pretty special to us here in Romanskiville - they have given up hours of their time and gallons of their sweat to get us to where we are in Rev 2. Earlier this week they headed off to Fenway Park for a game.  My uncle is just a young guy, in his early sixties, and has never been to Fenway Park to see his Sox play. The trip was a Father's Day gift to him from Ducky and his wife. 

I am firm believer in giving "moments" or "memories" as gifts and not just loading people up with a pile of things.  We've taken the girls to Disney on Ice, the Circus, live theater - none of which ends up being very cheap, but they remember those times even when they were pretty small.

It isn't cheap to go to a ballgame either ... you have to get to Boston, buy your tickets for the game and then there's the hot dogs and drinks. They had to take time off of work, but if that picture doesn't scream "it was worth every penny"  I'm not sure what would. 

It has not always been easy for these two, they both have struggled with their share of health issues.  A picture is worth a thousand words and no where here are echos of the words cancer, seizures, medication, diabetes, surgery, chemo, radiation, insulin,  uncertainty, sadness or despair.  

When I look at this picture my eyes get a little misty and to steal a phrase from my Mom "it makes my heart sing".  I have no idea who took this picture and I am betting it was probably just from a cell phone camera. All that said, it has become one of my favorite pictures EVER. 

I'm thrilled that these guys got to make this memory together and that someone captured it in digital format for the rest of us to see. 

And the sun came out and dried up all the rain.....

Sunday was Mother's Day and I had this brainy idea about 3 weeks before that we should host our families for an informal brunch on the porch.  I went to work immediately on the invites and got them in the mail, only had to chase a few RSVP's and we had almost 100% participation.   Sweet !!! 

Even with dance class, bowling, and some Romanskiville Rev 2 projects we were in pretty good shape for Sunday when I slipped out to the grocery store for the remaining supplies shortly after 8 pm on Saturday night.

The girls had decorated pots and I was out on the picnic table planting the pansies in them at 7:15 Sunday morning so they would be ready to present to each of our lady attendees.  I finished by 8 am and then started on the rest of my list - shower, dressed for church, girls ready for church, breakfast, make the soup & transfer it to the crock-pot and then get to church for 10 am ... NO problem, um, yeah right. The girls couldn't decide what they wanted for breakfast and when I got out of the shower it was raining, no, it was POURING.  I had envisioned this lovely afternoon on the porch, a light breeze blowing and the sun shining while we all enjoyed good food, wine and each other's company in the 750 square feet that I call my outdoor living room. Now it was pouring and we'd all be trapped inside .. OH JOY.   

The house wasn't clean for everyone to be inside, the soup was taking longer to throw together and I had to rush through hair and makeup.  Kristen wanted her "make-up" done and when I told her we didn't have time a meltdown followed. At some point I muttered "this was the dumbest idea ever"

The girls wanted me to read their cards and open gifts.  A simple bouquet of fresh flowers - in their favorite colors to remind me of them, a gift card to Longhorn Steakhouse and a freestanding Tiki torch that I had my eye on.  The girls were extremely proud of their choices and I was impressed by their thoughtfulness. 

I managed to get the soup simmering in the crock-pot, the girls in the car and pulled into the Church parking lot when the bells were ringing.  Brooke immediately announces "The bells are ringing - we're LATE" .. I thought to myself "You should just be impressed that we're actually here"

While I sat in my pew and listened intently to the sermon [my minister might read this post] something out the window caught my eye .... THE SUN ... it was shining. AMEN. 

After Service we quickly loaded back into the car and headed home for the final preparations.  A little before 12:30 our guests began to arrive and people rolled up their sleeves and helped with the final preparations.  The invitation had advertised that lunch would be served at 12:45 and we were pretty close.

We did end up on the porch and the sun did shine.  The breeze, well it wasn't exactly soft and more than one time we had to jump to chase napkins, plates and return flower pots to their upright position. 

Everyone helped to clean up and then the crowd started to disperse as folks made their way to their remaining destinations. 

I ended that part of the day, alone with my mom in the kitchen, she washed, I dried and put away. Just idle chit chat, but it was so nice to have that quiet little moment, just the two of us, especially since it was a long winter without her around. 

For a day that started out sort of shaky it ended up being rather enjoyable. People appreciated our efforts and we were surrounded by some of the most important people to us. It was a GOOD day. 

I look around at this house, those girls, and the man that is my Prince Charming and I think to myself ... "what a wonderful world"

Dream a little dream ....

It was nice here today, it is finally starting to warm up.  When I picked up the girls they immediately asked "Can we play outside?" 

They quickly changed into play clothes and were out the front door and on their "tree house". I made a cup of coffee, grabbed my book and headed out to supervise from my rocking chair on the porch with Bradley at my feet.

The girls played on the swings, went up and down the slide and pretended they were performing for Adam, Usher, Blake and Shakira on The Voice.  The picnic table was their stage.  The sun was shining brightly and I soaked up the heat from the rays while I rocked away.   

Glancing up to check on the girls, I looked out into the yard from the porch of my beautiful new home and took it all in .... I still, today, cannot believe all of this is mine.

It took longer than we thought, cost more than we planned, but it is a real, live dream come true.  I'll never give up on another dream again.

Run Forrest, RUN

I've been contemplating starting to run again ... I used to run about 11 years ago.  I considered myself a runner back then, I even competed in some 5K races.  

I started running because it was a much needed distraction .. my marriage was ending and at times it was down right ugly.  My brother was enjoying some serious success as a HS Cross Country runner. I moved back home, into the basement and his treadmill was conveniently located in the space that served as my "room".   Running was hard for me, I was not a natural, I was not an athlete, I was not even really in shape.  I got on that treadmill more days than not and I ran when my lungs screamed and shins burned .... I ran because it was quiet. David would walk by me and shout encouragement .. OK encouragement might not be exactly what you would call it, it was more like "Pick your head up", "You can go faster than THAT!", "tuck your elbows in" or "Is that YOUR BEST - REALLY???"  Seriously, there were times I am certain I wanted to punch him in the face but it worked.   

Through all that, I got better.  I was packing running clothes in a gym bag and leaving it in the car and fitting in runs after work or before meeting a friend for dinner. There were days when David, Dad and I would go to the track .. Dad would walk and time me. David would run and, ya know, encourage me as he passed me time and time again.  My Mom convinced me to run in my first race. Looking back on all this now I realize that running was a lot more than a physical workout for me.  It reconnected me to my family, it made me mentally stronger and more confident.  Running gave me something that was mine and mine alone at a time when there was a huge lack of control. 

Life goes on and you get busy.  There was a move, a wedding, a baby girl, a baby girl who didn't sleep much, work, another baby girl who didn't sleep,  blah, blah, blah ... pretty soon you are right back to where you started and you can barely walk fast on the treadmill never mind run 3.1 miles.  

I've been working hard these last few months to get fit.  I wanted to drop some weight but more than that, be active, walk, stretch, get stronger.  A handful of my  friends at work are focusing on their own physical fitness. I see posts on Facebook with miles run, points earned and one day I thought "Hmmm, wonder if I could start running again?"  I asked myself quietly, thoughtfully considering starting up again.  Every now and then I allowed myself to think I was crazy I'm 40, out of shape, and have a bum knee, bum knees.  Running takes commitment and I had to be willing to make it, I was wavering ... maybe, maybe not until ....

April 15, 2013 ... I, like most, sat horrified as I watch the explosions at the finish line in Boston replay over and over again.  People clawing thru the rubble, blood stained sidewalks, people who had trained and trained and trained get stopped mid race, some at mile 25 .. TWENTY FIVE.  I read lots of moving tributes where people vowed to return next year, where people flew home the next day and ran another 26.2, people dedicating every mile they ran "To Boston".  

That was the day I decided I was going to run again but it took me until 2 days ago to say it outloud.  I downloaded an app to my phone and selected the "Train for a 5K" program and I hit the streets ... just fast paced walking but I was OUT there and then again yesterday morning, a half mile more than the day before with actual periods of running (okay, jogging.) 

Now I've said it outloud and have a whole host of people who are gonna hold me accountable.  There will be days when I would rather nap or watch TV, encourage me.  If you see me, ask me if I ran and if I make excuses, call me out. 

There you have it, I've laced up my sneaks and I'm running again. I'm training for a 5K ... anyone wanna run with me?

And here we are ... again

Yesterday, in the sleepy little town where I was raised the unthinkable happened.  Two beautiful, perfect, innocent little boys ages 2 years and 6 months were picked up from daycare by their Grandmother.  She was to bring them home and celebrate the oldest boy's second birthday with family.  She never arrived. Armed with a gun and suicidal, she apparently shot the 2 boys and then herself.  Her vehicle was located at around 9:30 pm and all three were declared dead.  DEAD.  Facebook walls had been abuzz all night ... pictures of the boys and their grandmother.  I posted both to my wall with the hope that by some small miracle, the children would be found, alive and unharmed.  I waited for the 11 pm news and was horrified when the Channel 3 reporter said the boys and their grandmother were dead. 

I think most people probably reacted much the way I did "OH MY GOD" ... I looked at Paul and said it again.  He looked back at me with a blank expression knowing he had no explanation to offer.  My eyes were filled with tears, there was a tightness in my chest. I paced around my dining room.  

I think many of my local Facebook friends also watched the news because then the updates started on the walls again ....

"Why?" "Why did she have to take them too?"

"No, no, no - all 3 are gone?"

"Prayers for the family, hug your kids a little tighter tonight"

"I'm having a hard time believing in God tonight"

It is during times like these that I turn to a quote from a book I read some time ago. It is just from a work of fiction - not a text book, religious work, or spiritual self help book.  Just a short little novel.  The narrator says "It is clear, too, that she believes in God and that her God does not intercede in tragedies. But he weeps for them"

I find that I return to those few simple lines when things shake me to the core, when I start to question my faith, when I want to blame God.  In the Fall, a shocking loss of a close friend, in December, the tragic shootings in Newtown, and now the violent death of these two, young boys .... 

Seems I've had to remind myself a lot lately that God, well my God anyway, does not intercede in tragedies, but weeps for them, weeps with me.

These families have a long, hard road ahead of them.  I pray that the world around them, both far and near, shows mercy, kindness and love and refrains from passing judgement and criticism.  That they will find some way to mourn, grieve, heal.  I pray. 

In Jesus' name, I PRAY. 

Stairway to Heaven

We are in our new house - legally - with CO in hand and the list of things that still need to be completed shrinking.  We are slowly ... and I mean slowly working on sorting through and getting rid of the old stuff in Rev 1.  Paul and I saved up for a new bedroom set for our huge (to us) Master Bedroom.  We bought several other pieces and they were all delivered and assembled in the new house ... now we're thinking. 

If you never saw our old bedroom furniture .. we had the world's TALLEST bed.  It was a king and it was just really high off the floor. Years ago, Paul and I went off on vacation and my brother stayed here with Storm.  We returned and David says "your bed is too high, the dog cannot even jump up onto it.  I had to lift him in every night"  Yes, Storm slept with us every night... and if there was a house sitter - he slept with them too.  Let me add that in this situation the dog is very much like a kid seeing how much he could get away with because he had no problem jumping into that bed every night when we were home.  Suffice it to say, someone got played.  David announces that he is going to make the dog steps to get in and out of the bed.  He is very handy and always working on projects here and there ... so I figured this would be a good thing.  

A few weeks later David arrives with the stairs.  We never talked about specifics and, clearly, our visions were a little bit different.  I had envisioned something sleek and compact, maybe ramp like.  David, well, he envisioned STAIRS .....

Don't get me wrong .. they were very well constructed and even covered with old carpet but they were um ... large. Remember we had the worlds tallest king size bed and a room that was not spacious.  All that said - we made it work.  They morphed into a nightstand/dog steps and came in handy during my pregnancies when let's just say climbing into that bed without them could have been really, REALLY unattractive. 

We just about have the upstairs in the old house emptied - things have been sorted to the dumpster, new basement, church tag sale pile, etc.  The stairs were one of the last things to go from our old room.  Don't get me wrong, our new house ROCKS, but letting go of some things has been unexpectedly difficult.  When I saw the stairs in front of the garage door the other day, I was surprised by a little wave of sadness.  "Storm's stairs" are headed for the dumpster.

Bradley is a "first floor" dog in the new house.  He isn't allowed on the couches or the beds.  He has a crate, a comfy dog bed and a play pen. He is in no way, shape or form suffering ... trust me.  Storm had the run of that old house and I don't regret one moment, but we agreed in the new house when there was a new dog, there were rules.  Storm was a gigantic part of our lives.  When he had to let him go, we brought him home, to Romanskiville, and buried him in a spot in the yard that we knew no matter what we built or landscaped would never be disturbed.  In the Spring (when the damn snow melts) we're marking that spot with a stone and then planting a little garden ... with flowers like the ones in my front garden that he used to walk right through the middle of. 

 It was that or make his grave with the stairs .... "You might be a Redneck....."

Here's what the stairs looked like on Saturday afternoon.

He is not a role model ...

So earlier this week he came clean ... by "he" I mean Lance Armstrong.  He admits that for years he has been a fraud.  That he doped to have this amazing success.  Talk about a let down.  I know, I make it sound like we went to school together or he was my friend.  I didn't know anything about cycling until he got sick and announced that he was fighting testicular cancer. Tour de where?  I read his book.  I was sickened by the part where his team entered his hospital room to tell him he was out ... I wore my yellow Livestrong bracelet.  I gave to his charity.  One of my favorite Nike commercials is the one where Lance Armstrong  says "What am I on? What am I on? I'm on my bike, 6 hours a day, busting my A$$" and well maybe he was ... but clearly that wasn't all he was on. 

I remained a supporter even when all those charges and allegations gained momentum.  When he had his titles stripped Paul said "Heather, how could they get it wrong?"  I still argued that he passed all these random tests - how could he have have managed a cover up at that level?  Then Monday, its leaked he has confessed to Oprah Winfrey in an interview.  What the heck?  What a freaking jerk ... how could he be such a fake? fraud? liar?  

I realize now the real reason I'm pissed is because I "bought into it".  It reminds me of all the times in the past when I fell for the crap that was thrown my way.  How in college, I thought that super hot guy that worked at public safety with me wasn't the jerk that a bunch of people said he was. WRONG.  It reminded me of when I bought into the load of crap that 3 failed marriages weren't a certain individuals fault. How being a "trophy wife" didn't minimize your value as an individual.  Yup, was really naive with that one.   How I believed that Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa were really awesome baseball players. How John Edwards was this great family man who had suffered tragedy after tragedy and was not just another slimeball politician. How someone stole Susan Smith's car and drove it into the lake drowning her children. No one wants to look like or feel like a fool. 

So back to Lance, I had put him on a pedestal.  He didn't ask me to specifically - no phone call, letter or email.  I'm fairly confident he doesn't read Romanskiville .... but in my mind he was this awesome stand up guy and really he's just a guy.   When I was arguing with myself the last few days about this, it reminded me of the old Nike commercial with Charles Barkley ... "I am not a role model" ..... [Yup, I think that Phil Knight has a really awesome marketing team at Nike] Its on YouTube and and the link is above if you don't remember it.  Charles was playing professional basketball when it was made and was known for his antics on the court.  Accused of playing dirty, rough, swearing too much, etc.  Its an interesting perspective, 'I'm a basketball player, it isn't my job to raise your kids.'

It really is all about perspective ... your perspective changes as your life does, as you experience heartbreak and joy, ups and downs. You realize that people are more alike than not. You realize you need to spend time admiring the real people who make small little marks on the world every day and not get so caught up in the media hype.  I would propose that when you do "buy into the crap" that you cut yourself some slack.  People aren't always what they seem and sometimes you will be fooled because some people are really, really good at creating the facade. 

No, he's not a role model .... but maybe he never should have been.