Sober

I wonder if it would be easier to accept if he had been drunk, loaded up on prescription painkillers or illegal drugs.

Today, almost 3 months after his death the reports are back and it is all over the press .. Robin Williams was sober when he ended his life.

For me, there is a little relief .. not sure that is the right word, but I can't find another one. I think if he had been drunk or high I might have thought "maybe he didn't really want to end his life" or "he wasn't thinking clearly"

I'm not sure why I think him being sober equates to him thinking clearly, but it is where I'm letting my school of thought rest. 

I don't really understand depression or the total control it can have over you. I know people who have struggled - some have it under control, some are still doing battle and some have lost the war.

I think when someone takes their own life it is easy to judge. I think it is easy to label the person as selfish and cowardly. The more I reflect and learn about suicide, the more I understand that it isn't a logical and rational thought like I have. I get it now .. that there are battles that go unseen and unspoken. 

I loved Robin William's work. I think he was one of the most talented performers ever. When I learned of his passing I was sad that there would be no more Good Morning, Vietnams, no more Dead Poet's Societies, and no more Mrs. Doubtfires. 

He wasn't part of my daily life, we weren't friends, and sometimes I forget that he is gone. When you get right down to it - it doesn't matter - drunk, sober ... he is gone and to quote a line from one of my favorite movies where he had a lead

                                   "Oh Captain my captain, your fearful trip is done"