Faith and Love

#15 - I am thankful for Faith
I belong to a small Congregational Church in Norwich. I started going there just before Paul and I were married and I eventually became a member. The girls were both Baptized there and we go every Sunday.. ok, most Sundays. That Church has become an extension of our family. 

There was a time in my life that I felt like God let the good and bad happen. When some particularly sad or tragic thing happened I would think "Why did God do this? Why did he take them? Why did he cause such suffering?" 

I think as you experience more life your thinking evolves, at least mine has. The way I see it, there is evil in this world and terrible things happen. More often than not, those bad things happen to amazingly good people. The God that I believe in weeps with me, suffers with me, comforts me when I am hurting. He carries me when I am weak. 

Remember Footprints in the Sand?   “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

In June, we attended a benefit for friends who have a son battling cancer. We have been involved in lots of events for this family and each and every time Paul and I are so impressed by the way the community comes together for them. They have been lifted in prayer, showered with gifts, food, financial support. At this picnic, my friend took the microphone to thank those in attendance. Her son was having a good day - running, laughing, enjoying the attention and activities - the others in attendance were having a good day too. You could feel the pride radiating from the organizers in their success, you could almost touch the joy of every person in attendance. Her words struck me and I hope I quote her accurately ..."I stopped asking Why? Why does a little boy gets cancer a long time ago...but maybe this was it..to bring people together, to get people to stop and love each other, to remind us that there are so many good people out there" I knew that it was her Faith that had been sustaining her through the ups and downs and gave her the strength to face the next day. I recognized it in her because I'd seen it in myself. 

It makes me sad when I think about the people who don't believe in something bigger than them. I wonder how they get through the rough times, what sustains them. 

I'm thankful for my Faith and the strength and comfort that it provides me. 

At Least I've Still Got My Health

#14 - I am thankful that I am healthy ...

On Saturday we are going to a funeral for a friend, he was 55. That is too young, too soon for him to be gone from this world. In January, friends found out that their son, not quite 2, had Leukemia and they fight on. We have other friends who suffer from chronic pain or significant health challenges.

We have another acquaintance who is suffering from unexplained blackouts and is now not able to work. His family is not only faced with the scary prospect of finding the source of the problem but now they are dealing with a loss of income. 

I read somewhere that the average american is just 1 medical crisis away from bankruptcy. After being out of work for a while and collecting unemployment, I really began to understand how true that statement is. 

I can feel myself starting to age .. I'm slower than I was, I'm heavier than I was, it takes me longer to recover when I burn the candle at both ends ... my feet hurt, my legs and back ache ... but if I go to bed a little earlier and wear "sensible" shoes those things fade some. 

We are so lucky, so fortunate, so blessed that we are healthy; that our kids are healthy. All too often we take that for granted ..... 

Finally Friday

#13 - I'm thankful for Friday

I've said it before, I'll say it again....Thank Goodness for Friday!

Sometimes you just need a break ....

... no alarm

... no lunch boxes

... no homework

... no uniforms

... PAYDAY

... "oldies night" ... the girls have started a new Friday night ritual .. they stream I Love Lucy and Mr. Ed to the TV from their ipad. Paul thinks it is great, I retreat to our bedroom and read or watch something on the other TV. I do that with a big grin on my face listening to the 3 of them roar with laughter watching those old shows. 

T.G. I. T

#12 - I am thankful for Thursday night TV

I know it is supposed to say TGIF .. but last year when producer Shonda Rhimes created a new show called "How to Get Away with Murder" and placed it behind Grey's Anatomy and Scandal it was a clean sweep for her .. she owned Thursday night on ABC. 

I was late to the Scandal and Greys game .. I caught up on the previous seasons via Amazon, Hulu, and Netflix. There was no way I was going to get behind on the 8 ball on How to Get Away ... it annoys me a little, it jumps from present to past and back again several times an episode but it is SO good. 

Greys kills me ... I am so invested in the characters and their stories. I swear most weeks I am crying within 5-10 min of the episode starting.  Even after all these seasons Shonda can still surprise me. Yup didn't see Derek getting smushed by the semi last season ... Thanks, thank a bunch for that one!

Then there is Scandal ... am I supposed to believe that a high powered fixer can have an affair with the president.. for years...and that people notice and don't say "boo" 

We won't even start with how unrealistic How to Get Away is .. but the thing is the writing, the acting, it is SO good .. the people are SO talented that it does not matter. You can't pull yourself away. 

By the time Thursday rolls around I'm getting tired .... I look forward to sitting on the couch with my puzzle book, iPad or catalogs and catching up with my "people" 

Thank You for Your Service

# 11 - I'm so thankful for our Military and Veterans

Today is Veterans Day. I started the day by posting the picture of my dad from his days in the Army. I showed Brooke and she said "You look like him" .. I don't see that .. but when I look at this picture, I see my nephew through and through. 

Then there was breakfast for the Veterans on the Service Desk and Desktop Support Teams. We surprised them which was SO fun!!!

In the afternoon there was a small reception in the library. In our organization we have 8 Veterans, 7 are pictured below. These are humble and unassuming people. They do not like to be the center of attention and many of them find excuses not to attend these types of "social" events. I was SO PROUD of their attendance and to have the opportunity to thank them for their years of service to our Country. 

Peapod

#10 - I am thankful for grocery pickup

My local grocery store has a pick up service, it saves me time, money and irritation. 

I "shop" on their website, choose a time for pick up, "submit" my order and show up at the designated time. 

It costs me a $2 fee - no waiting - no tipping - no headache - no crowd - no impulse buys.

WIN - WIN

JAVA

#9 - I am thankful for coffee

I love it hot, I love it iced .... sometimes I drink it for the caffeine, sometimes for the smell, sometimes for the heat from the mug. 

I started drinking coffee late by some standards, around 30 ... I got through college on Classic Coke and Mountain Dew .....but I've really grown to appreciate it. 

My favorite thing to do is brew a cup on a Saturday morning and sit on the couch snuggled under a fleece throw and watch something on the DVR while the rest of the house sleeps. 

Long Wooded Walks and Naps

#7 - I'm thankful for long family walks

Last weekend there was a rare occasion in our house .. we had NOTHING planned - no birthday parties, no Church dinners, no Thirty-one Parties, NOTHING.  IT WAS HEAVENLY!

After lunch we decided to walk the Fairview Resevoir. It is not a walk for the faint of stamina but Paul and I have walked this many times before. It would be the first time for the girls but they are the Energizer Bunnies .. 

Off we went, climbed over the stone wall, cut through the neighbors yard and down to the Res. There is a path around the whole thing, about a car's width and it is relatively flat. 

We walked for a ways and then Kristen started in that she was tired. We were in too deep at that point so we started distracting. We got around the back side from where we started and we could see Moriarty Magnet School through the trees and the bright new colored slide. The we searched for the water tower, threw some rocks in the water and looked for the "emergency" boat launch. 

I noticed things I don't remember seeing before - like this amazing fence with Fleur de Lis finials on it. 

It was overcast but warm so, perfect weather for a long walk. We found interesting rocks and vines.

Everyone pushed through .. about 3.25 miles later we were back home ... where we all settled in for a NAP!

#8 - I'm thankful for naps

There is something to be said for a quick 30 min nap on a Saturday afternoon. The funniest part of our walk was when Kristen announced "when we get home I am going to need a BIG drink and then a pepe" .... I'm not sure how or why that started at our house but we call little naps like that in the middle of the afternoon a "pepe" .. We earned that nap on Saturday!

Man's Best Friend

#6 - I am thankful for Man's Best Friend

Last Friday, Facebook's "On This Day" app popped up this picture of Paul and Bradley.

Storm had left us almost a year before and our house was different, there was an emptiness that was hard to describe. 

Bradley arrived by plane from Austin, Texas on a stormy, Friday afternoon. He had a layover in Atlanta and then an unexpected diversion to Philly and then back to Hartford. 

We knew little about him and after Paul and I agreed that he could come to join Romanskiville, we wondered what we had done. Would he try to eat our kids? 

After several back and forths to the cargo terminal because of weather delays, finally a crate was loaded into the back of the pathfinder. We drove to the farthest end of the parking lot away from other people, cars, and noises. 

We opened the crate, helped him down, and Paul knelt beside him ... that picture is that moment. When I saw Bradley immediately take to Paul and lick him up his whole face I knew it was all going to be OK. 

He quickly adjusted and has become an absolute love! We needed someone to fill that void that Storm had left. 

There was a plan bigger than anyone could have imagined ... who imagines that a dog abandoned in a gas station parking lot in TX would end up in CT spoiled to death. 

I'm never really sure who needed who more .... but we were all supposed to end up together. I'm SO thankful that we did. 

Family

#5 - I'm thankful for my Work Family

Today, in a meeting, we were asked what it was like to work there. One of the meeting attendees said that we were a family, that we supported each other and did what was needed to get the job done. I couldn't have said it better myself.

I started this new job in February after 9 months of upheaval, uncertainty, and stress. I was nervous to start a new job - I had been with my previous employer for 18 years. You know how things work and how to get things done when you are at a place that long but you also know PEOPLE. You've built relationships and friendships. People who laughed and cried with you, vented with you. People who supported you through a divorce. People who shared in the joy of your wedding and the arrival of your kids. That didn't just happen, it took time.....and I wondered and worried.... that it would be hard to be part of a "work family" again. 

I still have much to learn at this job. There are things that take me too long, there are things I have to ask for help with that I should probably be able to handle myself. I'm still learning how to "get things done" and working hard to build name recognition .. ya know so when people see Romanski, H on their phone display they will actually pick up. However, in a relatively short time, I have a work family again. 

I have people who go to bat for me, people who, without reservation, throw me a life ring when the water gets a little too deep. They've taken the time to get to know me, my professional background, as well as, me personally. We walk together at lunch, people save Box Tops for the girls, and send them trinkets and treats all the time. People who call and ask for professional advice or insight because they trust in my experience. 

I'm so happy to have this Work Family and I hope that they are happy to have me!

Catching up

Per normal, I'm running a little behind in the Thirty Days ...

#1 - I'm thankful for Daylight Savings Time.

Sunday, Nov 1st at 2 am we "fell back" and when I got up at 6:10 feeling refreshed and full of energy I was so thankful that for that "extra" hour. I get that is mostly psychological but that works for me. Before we headed out for Mass and a Baptism 4 people were showered and dressed in our Sunday best, food had been cooked and some laundry washed and folded. I'll take that feeling of accomplishment even if it is short lived. 

#2 - I'm thankful for kind, thoughtful and hard working neighbors

On Halloween morning we gathered together with a handful of neighborhood families to do a Fall Cleanup on the yard of an elderly neighbor. One post on Facebook Monday evening with the plan and Voila we had a crew. One neighbor made an apple crisp, another a small cake and everyone brought a rake and their enthusiasm. In 90 minutes, we were done and it was actually FUN! I was so proud of what we accomplished and how special we made our neighbors feel by doing this small thing for them. 

#3 - I'm thankful for Indian Summer

We are experiencing an unusually warm and mild Fall. I am enjoying not having to scrape my windshield in the morning and leaving for the day in a light jacket. The leaves are gorgeous reds, oranges and yellows and when the sun hits them just the right way it looks like they could be on fire. Fall is one of the reasons that I love living in New England and these extra days of warm temps and bright sunshine are making this one an extra treat!

#4 - I'm thankful that both girls go to dance on the same night

Last year Brooke danced on Tuesday nights and Kristen on Saturday mornings. It was doable and Paul was around to help with the Saturday stuff but we "lost" 1 weeknight to dance and most of Saturday. This year they both go on Wednesday - one at 5:00 and one at 7:00 - which is kind of a pain in the rear but at least it is on one night and then it is over, done, finished. Saturday is open for errands, chores, birthday parties or social invites and sometimes just for relaxing! 

30 Days of Thanks

A few years ago I started to do "Thirty Days of Thanks" in the month of November ... sometimes the things I am thankful for are funny and sometimes they are serious. Regardless of which one it ends up being I know that I have stopped to think, at least a minute or two, that day to find something that brings me joy, comfort, or gratitude. I think about what it is that makes that something I cherish. 

A teacher at Moriarty Magnet School does this with her 3rd grade class every day ... they grab a post-it note and they write their what and why. She's written about the changes that she has seen in her classroom and in her students since she instituted this. She has seen more kindness and thoughtfulness. In a world full of entitled and selfish young people, what a life lesson she is teaching those 8 year olds. Something that isn't part of Common Core or Magnet Standards, but, perhaps, something of far greater significance. 

It is "easy" at first to think of things and why they are important. The longer you do this it might get a little more challenging and the "why", well that makes it a little more thought provoking. 

If you've never done "thirty days of thanks" .. consider it .. you don't have to blog or Facebook or Tweet them ... lay in your bed for a minute after your alarm goes off and think of one thing that you are thankful for and WHY ... 

I promise you it it will change your perspective ......

Told You So

So yesterday was the "first day of school" and if you read the post you know how the day started off. One bursting with excitement and one in tears. Many wondered how the rest of the day went. 

I could just say "I told you so" 

Brooke's teacher was there .. just like I said

She had friends in her class from last year that made her feel comfortable

There were books at her reading level IN her classroom ... seriously these are the things Brooke worries about

Not one more tear was shed once she got off the bus

We've known her teacher for a long time, before she was married and before we were at Moriarty but Brooke loved reading the letter she wrote to the class where she told them about herself. 

I had sent her teacher a quick message earlier in the day saying Brooke left in tears and that I hoped she was not dealing with any of that.  Later that night, I got a reply "she was great, quieter than I thought" 

"Don't worry my friend that will wear off" I said. 

Trust me, her teacher can handle anything Brooke throws her way. 

Kristen came home and talked non-stop about her day. She had old friends and new friends and got to be the "demonstrator".

The highlight of her day was the chicken dippers (they are really just chicken nuggets, Mom) and the ketchup. 

They both ate HUGE dinners and polished off a big bowl of watermelon before drifting off while Daddy read a story. 

Day one, in the books, huge success..... I TOLD YOU SO

Back to School Again

Today was the first day of school. Last week, Brooke was super excited and Kristen was indifferent. She knew that her closest friends were not in her class and she was convinced that she was not going to have any friends. We all know what a crazy notion that is .. try getting a 6 year old to believe you. 

Monday night we headed out for the back to school barbecue and Kristen's teacher found us right away. She asked Kristen if she could help her find other classmates ... she started reading off names and you could see Kristen start to smile .. she was realizing that Paul and I were right .. she DID have friends in her class. That was the turning point for her, she skipped around all smiles the rest of the night. She even said she wanted to skip Tuesday and go right to Wednesday.

Brooke's teacher was not there for the barbecue and I could see the fear and nervousness creeping in. Paul and I said that we were certain she just had a conflict. Last year's teacher assured Brooke that she had seen her earlier in the day at training. 

Brooke is a worrier, it isn't her fault, it is genetic ... Paul and I are both worriers so frankly, she didn't stand a chance. 

Two weeks ago, I would have expected to shove Kristen on the bus and Brooke to be all smiles.  After Monday night, I could see a definite shift and this morning there were some sniffles .. from Brooke. 

All was well until the bus pulled up, one took off and I barely got the picture .. the other one.. well I got her to smile by saying "you don't want me to post a picture of you getting on the bus crying on FB do you?"  A smile through the tears and they were off....

We See You ......

Summer WAS amazing but I am ready for the routine of school, mainly because I am SO darned tired from summer. 

Seriously though, our girls go to an amazing school. The staff is so passionate about the Magnet philosophy and so committed to the education of every kid in their room. I have a 1st grader and 4th grader and I would have been happy to have my kids in the classroom of any of the teachers in those grades. 

I think the teaching profession gets a bad rap sometimes .... "those teachers have it so easy, they get the whole summer off" ... you know what I'm talking about - you've heard someone say it, or maybe it was you. 

If you've been in a public school lately you probably are NOT thinking that ... the paperwork, the lesson plans, and endless required professional development

Last week a teacher friend of mine posted a link on her Facebook wall. The title caught my attention .. "Dear Teachers, You're Not Fooling Me" ... It is a little on the long side .. but it is SO worth the read. When I read it I was reminded that as much as I want to be the best parent I can be ... their teachers, they have worked very hard to make this the best year possible. 

I'm the co-president of the PTO and I spoke briefly at tonight's back to school event. I talked about our first event in September, how to get involved and reminded the families in attendance that we are partners with the school staff. I read a small excerpt, modified slightly, from that blog post because it really resonated with me. 

"Dear Teachers,

School just started, and I’ll bet you’re wiped out and definitely a little lighter in the bank account; but WE see you. WE see how hard you’ve worked before the first day of school even started. WE see that you chose this job not to get rich or famous. WE see that you chose this job because you love it and the kids, and because you know that the sacrifices you’ve made, money you’ve spent, and hours you’ve dedicated outside of that building are molding our younger generation to grow up to do big things.

Wonderful Moriarty Staff, we’re in this together, and WE see you."

I am so excited for this year because I have so much faith and trust in the people that are helping my girls grow into those people who are going to do "Big Things"

Partners

From the moment we sent Brooke out the door we believed that we were partners with her teacher. We've moved mountains to make sure we're at conferences, we're checking homework, and that we present a united front.

The girls had an awesome year - they experienced things that 2-3 years ago wouldn't have happened at their school. We are so fortunate, no, blessed really that they are enrolled in such an amazing school. We are so impressed by the dedication and work ethic of the staff ... they are unbelievably passionate.

We're better parents because their teachers take the time to keep us in the loop, answers questions when we ask and keep us all accountable.

Nothing gets my blood pressure up more than hearing a parent say "they are your problem from 9-3, after that they're mine" ... that is not how it works people .. well .. that might be how it works in some families .. but that strategy never, ever works well. 

Fight like a Girl

I've wanted to write about this person that I think is pretty amazing for a long time,  I have had the HARDEST time starting .. so tonight I decided to just write ....

I met this woman through other people first because she was out of work on extended medical leave. I heard parents talk about what a great teacher she was, I heard colleagues anxiously awaiting her return, and then when she made a brief appearance in the school -- there was almost complete mayhem in the hallway when her students saw her. There were squeals of delight, there were tears "when are you coming back?" "I miss you so much" ... literally made your heart sing to see the kids with her. 

She immediately introduced herself and asked what I did there, we chatted for minute, no more, and we were on our way in opposite directions. 

The staff was incredibly respectful so there was not tons of chatter about her situation ... I knew she'd had a double mastectomy and was undergoing reconstructive surgery. I drew my own conclusion .. cancer.

She returned to work and we got to know each other a little better, we became friends on Facebook and started referring to each other by first names, instead of Mrs. xxxx and Mrs. Romanski. I learned more about her through her Facebook posts - she is a wife, a step-mother but most of all she is a fighter. 

I learned that she didn't have cancer and all those tests, those surgeries, that pain and recovery .. it was all to AVOID cancer. Here's a little snippet from a fundraising page for an event she recently participated in that explains:

"I was diagnosed with a genetic mutation that puts me at a very high percentage to get both breast and ovarian cancers.. After finding two tumors in my breasts... Which thankfully were benign....The decision was made to have a double mastectomy. I underwent a double mastectomy with diep flap reconstruction on Oct 2,2014."

I think that it would be easy to slip into the "woe is me" mentality in her situation and, frankly, this woman popped into my life when there were days when I had some "woe is me" issues. Funny how that happens - huh?

So now to the reason she is amazing, as if all that wasn't enough, a few weeks ago she walked 39 miles .. THIRTY-NINE ... 26 one day and 13 the next .... and she had to raise at least $1800 to "qualify" for that privilege of walking all those miles. 

Of course she raised well over that $1800 because if you met her you would like her immediately ... her warmth, her smile, her humor, and her transparency. I love that she has fearlessly shared her journey with others.

I'm so proud to call her my friend!

39 Miles

This is the Day .....

Yesterday was "Marathon Monday" ... I headed off to work in my bright yellow and royal blue Boston Strong t-shirt. I only sort of half paid attention to the Boston Marathon until 2013. I was contemplating picking up running again before the bombings took place. For some reason that was the final straw, I started again. I stuck with it for a long time and then I let circumstances take the wheel and it fell by the wayside. 

I saw a video clip a little earlier of Rebekah Gregory crossing the finish line, dropping to her knees and resting her head on the pavement. I cannot imagine how she must of felt .. running a marathon on a prosthesis. I'm pretty sure it wasn't something on her bucket list .. at least not 2 years ago. 

Have there ever been times in your life where you have made a conscious decision to face something head on, something that had a mysterious control over you? 

There are few that come to mind for me .... 

the day I decided to get divorced and the day it was final

the day I decided that I wasn't going to waste energy on the nay sayers, the people who would always have an opinion AND see fit to share it with me even though I never asked

the day I decided to not let "I got laid off" define me

the day I decided not being the first choice was OK

I think this woman who decided that yesterday was her line in the sand, her chance to heal, her time to let go of the past, to "Take her life back" is incredibly brave and strong. I think when she knelt down at that finish line, that was when she really began to soar. 

Bravo, Rebekah Gregory, BRAVO 

Sometimes All You Have is Your Voice

The City of Norwich is proposing a 1% increase to the education budget. It is unrealistic and impractical to think that there will not be dire consequences. I value the education my kids and every other child is offered and I'm angry that it is being threatened. 

So many of you know that I am a Do'er, someone who is not afraid to lead, not afraid to take on work and that I am advocate for the educators that I have been so lucky to get to know this past year. Another one of the many blessings I have come to recognize after losing my job last April. 

There was a hearing tonight where the public would have the opportunity to speak, last week I got a text asking if I would. I declined with complete transparency "I'm terrified to speak in that setting" ... sincere words of encouragement followed. As the week went on, more encouragement and the guarantee my speaking out couldn't make anything worse. 

I went tonight and proudly sat in that gallery with a handful of parents, teachers and administrators and shared the following words. 

As a resident of Norwich and parent of 2 daughters attending Norwich Public Schools, I am deeply troubled by the proposed 1% increase to the education budget.

Given the demands of the Common Core Curriculum, changes to technology based standardized testing and the considerable diversity in the student population our teachers and staff are working extremely hard to give our students the best possible experience. By all accounts, there is visible success; failing to fund the budget at requested levels puts that success in jeopardy.

It is unfortunate that Norwich Public Schools is held hostage to the tuition increases at NFA. We cannot sacrifice PreK – 8 to cover the rising costs of 9-12.  

The funding of public education in Norwich is not just an issue for residents with school age children; the quality of our schools is what makes people want to move to our city and promotes growth and development.

Today there are many options in education – regional magnet schools, charter schools, private or parochial schools … My husband and I carefully considered our choices and chose Norwich Public Schools – it is time for you, our elected officials, to choose Norwich Public Schools too. 

Sometimes all you have is a voice and sometimes that is all you need. I only hope that I was heard.

Just Don't Picture Them Naked ....

If you follow this blog or know anything about me you know that I work on a college campus and the majority of my employees are students. We have quickly built strong working relationships. Today, two of my seniors were covering the desk while I was getting ready to leave. They were working side by side on a challenging project that was due by 8 am tomorrow. I shared with them how I was planning to speak at a public hearing on my town's budget and that I was very nervous. They both offered words of encouragement ... one said "just tell yourself you are talking to a group of friends" 

I stopped to ponder that for a few seconds...I was trying to decide if that might be a legitimate approach. 

Then she quickly added "just don't do that thing where you picture them naked, that never works well, you just end up laughing" I agreed and said my good byes and headed home. 

Fast Forward to later, at first it looks like I won't make it then Paul blows in at 6:25 and says "go, go  ... you can still get there"

I grab my prepared words, I find a place to park and even a seat near a friendly face in the gallery. I am late so I am not on the official "list" of people to be called to the podium. They work through that list of people and then the Mayor asks "Is there anyone else that would like to speak?"

The moment of truth .. I raise my hand ... a few others get called before me but then it is my turn. I walk to the podium, lean into the microphone and say "My name is Heather Romanski and I live ...."

I didn't think of them as friends or anything really. I tried to refer to my paper as little as possible, I tried to look at each face at least once, and I smiled when appropriate. Quite frankly, there were moments when I could hardly hear myself talk because my heart was pounding so hard that I thought my head would literally explode in the Council Chambers ... wouldn't THAT have been a headline.  I just kept reading and way before my 3 minutes were up I was thanking them and heading back to my seat.

At least I didn't picture them naked ... I'm not sure my heart or head could have taken that!

Don't consider the alternative

The weather has finally started to break around here ... there is more daylight and we are starting to see more and more grass in the yard. 

I am ecstatic, I am totally over the winter but especially the SNOW. I've always been one that tolerated the snow, indifferent really. I mean I worked from home, my kids childcare provider is 1 mile away, I drive a 4WD SUV ... no big brown truck for me! For years I had managed with no problem but this winter we narrowly averted a disaster of catastrophic proportion.  If I never see another blizzard it will be too soon.

In late January over 2 feet of snow was predicted to fall Monday into Tuesday. School for Tuesday was cancelled on Monday afternoon and when Paul got home Monday night he knew he was off on Tuesday. The weatherman was right on.

We woke up on Tuesday to a LOT of snow.... feet in some places and almost bare grass in other spots. The "walk out" area for the walk out basement was completely filled in with snow ... almost 3 feet deep in some spots. 

The girls were anxious to go out and play so the process of potty stops, boots, coats, mittens, hats ensued. Paul prepared to clean up the driveway. I decided that I should probably at least shovel the front walk and steps. 

I opened the door to head out and found Kristen ready to come in. I called Paul to help her and continued outside calling for Brooke. 

No Answer. 

I see the sled, keep calling, no answer ... think to myself "why don't they EVER answer me?" and then I saw her .. well I saw her feet

She was laying on her back in the area between the retaining walls that frame the walk out. I see her boots, her snow pants and she's kicking her feet ... still I didn't think too much .. snow angel?  

I'm guessing I talked to her for another 15 - 20 seconds before I realized that she was not answering me and I could not see her face, or any part of her head for that matter.

That was the moment that a gigantic wave of fear washed over me ... she was BURIED in the snow. I got to where I thought her head was as fast as I could, I dug the snow with my hands. It seemed like I dug for long enough where I should have been able to see her face .. but I couldn't find her. It all seemed like it was taking TOO long. I moved enough snow where I could pull her free by her waist.

She flopped forward and when I pulled her back to see her face .. she was blue, her eyes were open and fixed, her pupils were pinpoint, snow was covering her nose and mouth. 

I was in over my head, former EMT or not, I needed help. I had my cell in my pocket ... I tried to dial 911 while clearing her airway at the same time. My gloves were wet so the touch wouldn't register. I took my gloves off but it was still snowing and my phone was wet ... I pressed the 9, then the 1 but I got 122

All the while I'm trying to dial ... I'm shaking her, screaming her name, screaming for help and, finally, she gasps and starts to come around .. at first she's disorientated. By now, I've gotten the call to go through, they transfer me to the ambulance, and I retell my tale to the dispatcher. The ambulance is on the way ....

The ambulance arrived, drove by and got stuck turning around. By now we are in the house slowly warming the hand that she was using to try to free herself. They made their way down the driveway on foot, checked her vitals, listened to her lungs "they're clear" the paramedic declared. We finished the paperwork and they were on their way. 

I'm pretty sure they weren't even at the end of the driveway when I announced that there was no more playing the snow. That day pictures of families enjoying the snow dotted my FB timeline .. picture of kids in snow forts, tunnels and caves. I could literally feel my chest tighten looking at those pictures. 

When I called 911 they asked how long she was under the snow and I was embarrassed that I didn't know. The girls are 5 and 8, the house is way off the road now so I feel safe letting them play while I keep a watchful eye out the windows. Thinking back I am fairly certain that she had fallen backwards off the wall into the drift a few seconds before I rounded the corner .. I clearly remember her feet moving.

We lost a hat and a glove in the snow that day and they stayed buried for about a month. I tried to look one day but when I got to the basement door I couldn't open it. 

Paul went out one night after work and dug ... she desperately wanted her Elsa Flippeez hat from Garrett and Livy back ... I was ready to buy a new one

 This is where she fell off the retaining wall, backwards, into the drift. You can see the rocks peeking through the snow but you couldn't that day. Her feet were by that little blue lawn chair poking out of the snow. The force of her fall must have pushed her down into the snow.

Paul had to dig down almost 18 inches before he found the hat and gloves....

We have more rules now - always stay together, one comes in, you both come in, and no playing in the back yard .. plenty of room in the FRONT yard. 

- I'm not sure why I decided to help with snow removal that day
- I'm not sure why I grabbed my phone and shoved it in my pocket on the way out the door
- I'm not sure why I didn't stop to help Kris when she decided to come in at the moment I was going out
- I'm not sure why I went to find Brooke before grabbing my shovel or clearing the steps

It doesn't really matter why I did what I did ... I try hard not to even contemplate what could have happened

Because You Just Never Know ....

Cancer SUCKS .. I know, I state the obvious. 

Over the summer of 2014 I traded texts with my dear friend outside of Chicago who continues to wage her war on breast cancer. 

In November, I went to a very well attended benefit dinner for my cousin's son, Jordan. A few days later he celebrated his 22nd birthday and then began to prepare for his next cancer surgery.

In January our little friend, Simon, began his war on ALL - Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. There is a benefit concert scheduled at the end of the month, on his 2nd birthday.

Sadly, my experiences, my stories, they are not unique....this is why I Relay.

I've been involved with the American Cancer Society and Relay For Life events for more than 10 years. 

I signed up for the Relay at Conn College on April 18th. 

April 18th is....was.... my grandfather's birthday. In 1990, while I was out of the country on a class trip he died...complications of his cancer. He has been gone a long time and I still miss him today. I really, really wish that he had known Paul and the girls. 

So I Relay .. for those who left us too soon, for those who fight on and because you just never know ...

It Takes A Village .....

From the minute Brooke was born .... we've had help from family and friends.

A little over a week ago Brooke came home with an invitation to the Author's Tea, for a Friday afternoon from 2-3 ...... a perfect time for the school day. It would have been totally fine if you were a Mom who worked from home .. or a mom who has been at her place of employment for years. It is not so perfect if you've just started a new job, a job you've barely done for 2 weeks.

Brooke was SO excited about this event, she is so used to my always being there that she just assumed that I would be there. This is when you call on your village ..... Auntie Robin to the rescue. 

She left work in the middle of the afternoon and was the face in the audience, smiling with pride I am sure. 

Then an email, from Brooke's teacher, with the whole Fairy Tale reading recorded. I watched with such pride and was so touched that she sent it to me. She knew that I was struggling with the fact that I couldn't be there that afternoon. 

Then a little while later Auntie Robin posted her video on FB ... she thought to record it too ... of course she did ... cause that is what the people in your Village do ... 

We are so lucky that our village is full of people who care about us and our kids. I mean think about the alternative, our village could be full of idiots ...