Just a Little Patience

Day 16 - I am thankful for people who have patience

I am the team captain of our department Relay For Life team at work. For several years, we have sold wreaths. The week after Thanksgiving 150 "Made in Maine" wreaths will arrive for distribution. Sounds pretty easy, pretty straightforward - right? Did I mention that those wreaths all need a bow ....

We could order 150 from the Dollar store and tack them on. If we did that they would all look "store bought", they wouldn't be fancy, fluffy or upscale looking, AND it would cut into our funds raised.

That means someone or ones has to MAKE 150 flipping bows .... 2 of us non-bow makers decided that we'd like to help this year. 

So, on our lunch hour, we had bow making class .... I arrived a few minutes late causing the instructor to have to start over. I was immediately frustrated .... the ever patient teacher noticed I was holding my holding hand backwards ... that correction helped some. I FINALLY got one done. Then I tried a second ... still took a lot of guidance. Another experienced bow maker shouted encouragement over her cube wall ..... 

At the end of the 45 minutes ... I had 3 bows done and cramps in most of my fingers .... um I guess I should have started October 1st? 

I'm definitely not going to quit my day job, or my night job to make bows .. but I hope on some level I am contributing to our cause. 

Our teacher was beyond patient - kindly corrected, offered pointers, and quietly fixed our issues and made our bows look almost as good as hers. 

Maybe tomorrow I'll get 4 or 5 done!

Here's my beautiful bow ....

Day 16 - I am thankful for people who have patience

Good Girls

Day 15 - I'm thankful for people who recognize how hard we're trying to raise good kids

Yesterday I attended a BOE meeting. Sadly I had not checked the agenda and did not realize that it was starting 30 minutes later than usual. It also figures that this was the day that I arrived 20 minutes early. 

I happened to know a couple of people who were also there and started chatting. Brooke's music teacher said "I'm so glad that Brooke is in Show Choir again this year"

He went on to tell me what a great kid she is - kind, thoughtful, happy, a real leader. I thanked him and told him that we are trying so very, very hard to raise good people. I told him this parenting thing is work and sometimes it is just plain HARD. 

He smiled and said - you'd never know that it can be challenging. He went on to say "the work you're putting in - it shows"

When I finally got home and sat down at the computer to check some emails, I noticed a FB post from Kristen's kindergarten teacher. She and Kristen really connected and she had the perfect personality as we adjusted to our first school away from Jeanne's house. 

This is what she had to say:

I just wanted to share with you...that Miss not so little Kristen came into my room yesterday and bravely read a flyer about the canned food drive to my class. She was so poised and confident. I could tell she was nervous by the way she read (but that's just because I know her so well 😊). I was so proud of her!!! What a difference 2 years can make!! Yayy Kristen!

Paul and I think that she has grown tremendously but hearing it from her made us both proud. 

This parenting thing is not for the faint of heart. I am not sure there is one thing that I have done that can be more frustrating or fills with me more joy than parenthood

There's so much negative these days, I smile from the inside out when people share their experiences with my kids with me. I think we doing a good job - most of the time - it's nice to hear it from others. 

Day 15 - I'm thankful for people who recognize how hard we're trying to raise good kids

No Where to Go

Day 14 -I am thankful for nights with nothing 

Tonight we had NOTHING ... no School Facilities meeting, no PTO meeting, no Board of Ed (that's tomorrow) and it was not a dance night .... 

I'm thinking about it now and it is the only night this week we are home, with no where to go. 

Kristen was in the shower at 5:30 and I had the risotto started on the stove and the oven heating up.

By 7:00 pm everyone but Paul had eaten [he wasn't home from work yet], homework x2 was finished, and both kids were showered and in PJs. Backpacks had been emptied and re-packed. 

We had picked out new winter boots and the order submitted - on the day the 40% off your entire order coupon code arrived. 

Paul had time to eat before jumping into the bedtime routine. And now, the girls are sound asleep, Paul's out raking leaves in the super moon light and I'm making serious progress crossing things off my list. 

Day 14 -I am thankful for nights with nothing 

Sunday Night Bowling

Day 13 - I am thankful for Sunday Night Bowling

The last 12 years, for 36 of the 52 weeks, you can find Paul and I at the old Norwich Ten Pin. We've had 3-4 team names but the teammates have always been the same - Mike and Kim. 

In the early days, we were just two dating couples. We'd bowl our 3 games, order dinner at the snack bar and they'd bring it to us in the bar. The four of us would eat, drink and be merry until late into the evening. Sometimes Monday mornings were a little slow going ... but man we loved Sunday nights. 

We had a loyal fan club ... Joe Ro, Mike's parents, and any number of French Canadian Aunts and Uncles. Sometimes a brother or sister, niece or neighbors. 

We delayed our honeymoon a day so we wouldn't miss Sunday night bowling. 

We went from dating couples, to engaged, to married with children. It took more effort to get there once the kids arrived and there were no more late night dinners in the bar. Most of the Sunday nights of Evelyn's first year were spent getting passed around the team.  

I'm convinced these few hours together as 4 adults - laughing, joking, and getting time to talk - without a million interruptions - is why our families are so connected. 

Day 13 - I am thankful for Sunday Night Bowling

Girls Night Out

Day 12 - I am thankful for "the wives"

When Paul and I started dating, I quickly learned that he came with a posse. He has a core group of friends, they are his "people" 

These guys came with women, and not going to lie, they were a little intimidating to me in the beginning. They were good cooks, excellent hostesses,  experienced gardeners, and great mothers. I enjoyed spending time with these girls but I could count on one hand the times we were together without our men. 

Then, four years ago, one of the guys died, suddenly and shockingly. As a group, we were devastated. I was so angered by the circumstances of his death and so heartbroken for his wife. We rallied around our grieving friend and promised to each other that we'd be there for her. 

It was around then that I realized these women, these girls, the wives were more than just "wives" ... we were friends. 

So for the last four years, every 4-6 weeks, we meet somewhere for dinner. Sometimes it is casual, sometimes a little more upscale. It always includes wine and dessert (at least for me!) 

Recently, I was having a discussion with someone about being the "odd man out" and not really understanding how it happened. "You're at a different stage in your life. You have younger kids and you're doing different stuff" they told me. 

Sounded reasonable until I was planning the November dinner outing with "my girls", the girls who are all 60+ ... 

We met last week, the food wasn't one of our best picks .. but the wine was good and the company was, as usual, some of the best. 

It doesn't seem to matter that one is retired, one runs her own business and works part time, and 2 of us still work full time. We seem to be able to fill the night with conversation and laughter about husbands, children, and grandkids. 

My happiness is important to them, they support my business and our charitable causes. When I lost my job - they were right there ... consoling, encouraging and cheering. 

I am so grateful for their kindness, wisdom, perspective and that they love food as much as me!

Day 12 - I am thankful for "the wives"

GI Joe

Day 11 - I am thankful for those who serve

Our country is not our country without the brave men and women who defend her, still, today. 

I'm particularly thankful for the time that my dad served his country in the US Army. He wanted to join the Coast Guard, but was drafted. He served as though it was his choice. 

We have this goofy thing in our family where we call all the boys "Joe" ... even though their names are Dave, Paul, Steve, etc ... 

Here's to our very own, GI Joe!

Day 11 - I am thankful for those who serve

More than a Bag

Day 10 - I am thankful for Thirty-one

In August 2014, I started a direct sales business with Thirty-one. At the time I was still searching for full time work and needed something that was mine, that I could manage, and work hard to see results.

Thirty-one Gifts is lead by CEO and founder, Cindy Monroe. She started the business in her basement in her home in Tennessee in 2003 with the mission to celebrate, encourage and reward women. 

The name comes from Proverbs 31 and the importance of faith to Cindy and Scott Monroe is one of the reasons I choose this company. 

This business has allowed me meet amazing women, amazing leaders and hear inspirational messages from well known authors and business people. 

It has also contributed to the income of our household. I'm not quitting my day job, but this allows me to help provide for some extras. 

The greatest gift this company has afforded me is a way to inspire our girls. We can tell our kids something a million times, but model behavior, man, that speaks to them. Brooke and Kristen see me managing all aspects of a successful business. They see me providing excellent customer service and building relationships. They see what happens when you have passion for what you do. 

I am so thankful for this company, for showing me that we are "better together" and reminding me that "we don't have time for everything, but we always have time for what matters most"

This company is so much more than a bag. 

Oh - the reason this didn't get posted on Thursday night, I was out working my Thirty-one business!

She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and laughs at the days to come.26 

She opens her mouth in wisdom;

kindly instruction is on her tongue.27 

She watches over the affairs of her household,

and does not eat the bread of idleness.28 

Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband, too, praises her:29 

“Many are the women of proven worth,

but you have excelled them all.”30 

Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting;

the woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.31 

Acclaim her for the work of her hands,

and let her deeds praise her at the city gates.

Proverbs 31: 25-31

Day 10 - I am thankful for Thirty-one

Weekend Update

In school, Kristen writes a "weekend update" she brought this home tonight. It is very unusual to have a guest blogger, but tonight I'll feature her original work ....

My Ganpraints came home on Sunday. I was happy I cryed. they went to Alaska an soposto come back in Semptember but ther Engine brok down. in the r.v. and came back in a car

Translation:
My Grandparents came home on Sunday. I was happy. I cried. They went to Alaska an [were] supposed to come back in September but there engine broke down in the r.v. and [they] came back in a car

Too Much to Ask

Day 9 - I am thankful for old fashioned thank you notes

I woke up this morning not knowing who won the election, I didn't stay up because sleep is too precious. The way things were going, there was a strong possibility that we might not know for a bit, so sleep definitely won. 

I don't talk personal politics. It is just how I roll, one election post and it only mentioned Palin. Not one #ImWithHer or #MakeAmericaGreatAgain .... 

When I got up at 5am and checked the CBS News site, I'm not going to lie, I was shocked to learn that Trump was the President Elect. You've probably figured out by now, he wasn't my pick. I wasn't happy but what are you going to do? I just wanted time to process the last 24 hours, that's all. 

Apparently, too much to ask.  

Sometime this afternoon I stopped looking at my texts and shut down Facebook -- the negativity, from both sides, was too much. 

When we got home, the girls handed me the mail. I took a quick look through and found 2 handwritten envelopes .. the ones that could be invitations or cards. Opened the first, it was a note from my friend who recently lost her boyfriend in a car accident. She thanked me for taking time to visit with her at the wake and said that her Church family was how she was getting through this difficult time. 

The second was a note from our neighbor thanking us for being his "guardian angels", we recently organized the neighborhood leaf raking party at his house. He went on to say how the kindness of people that he didn't even know amazed him. 

Seriously, I needed that today. 

Day 9 - I am thankful for old fashioned thank you notes

Rock Bottom

Day 8 - I am thankful for the right to vote

For as long as I can remember, I have been "thankful for the right to vote" on election day. 

I vote whenever I get the chance, because I think it is that important. I vote in primaries and November elections whether we are electing a new president or not. 

Like many, I am tired of the rhetoric and am ready for it to be over. 

Charlie Rose said today that he's holding on to the hope that you have to hit rock bottom to realize that the system needs attention

This election, these candidates... 

For me, today was more than about a president, it was about all the other offices up for grabs. 

I want a complete Supreme Court. I want someone to acknowledge that the educational system in our country is broken and we are failing our kids. I want Washington to roll up their sleeves, get their asses in their seats and do their freaking job ... I know many of you are saying "you're dreaming" ..... 

Day 8 - I am thankful for the right to vote

Sometimes you have to Splurge

Day 7 - I am thankful for my Splurge eye shadow

A few weeks ago, I was invited to a Facebook party for a makeup line. It was not the first time I heard of this company, but let's be honest .. when you think "hair and makeup" or "put together" .. I am NOT the first person that pops into your mind. 

Thing is .. I'm not getting any younger or thinner and my hair definitely isn't getting any redder (unless there is a salon visit involved) .. so I have been actually trying to make an effort.

About 6 weeks ago, I spent serious time blow drying my hair and used my big, round brush for some body. Compliment after compliment .. "I LOVE what you've done with your hair", "What a great color you have now" and "Did you get your hair done? It looks amazing!" .... hmmm, maybe I should have been doing this all along.  Anyway, I digress .. back to this eye shadow

I was pretty attached to my current makeup supplies - not a big fan of change - but I was curious and in all honesty, I wanted to buy something to support my friend who was hosting. 

The consultant did a really good job with her posts, mixing stills with how to videos, etc. I was intrigued by this Splurge eye shadow and I was leaning towards it. In a subsequent video, she had the prettiest purple eye shadow on. I want THAT was my immediate reaction. 

Fast forward .. I bought the eye shadow, the brush and a couple of other things. I spent more than I should have a few days after buying 4 round trip tickets to Aruba but I was helping a friend and a small business owner. 

The eye shadow is amazing .. I love the way it goes on, how easy it is to control and that fact that when I wear it .. people notice.

Today I picked the sweater I wore because I wanted to wear the eye shadow. 

A few minutes into my day, a coworker delivered her leftover Halloween candy and immediately commented on my eyes ....yup I might be ordering that in every flattering shade they make! 

Day 7 - I am thankful for my Splurge eye shadow

Friday, Saturday, Sunday

Day 4 - I am thankful for Fridays

Last week was exhausting. A busy, busy weekend and then Monday was Halloween, by the way, that will NEVER be something I am thankful for. Dance classes, PTO meetings, and then BAM -- finally Friday. 

I grabbed the girls, we did some serious damage at Stop & Shop, Redbox and headed home. 

The girls watched a movie. I cooked. We enjoyed a delicious meal when Paul got home. We headed to bed EARLY .. at like 10:15 .. I know, we're like old people. I drifted off to sleep without setting an alarm. 

It was heavenly ...

Day 4 - I am thankful for Fridays

Day 5 - I am thankful for David's Tea

Earlier this year, I was introduced to David's Tea. Have you heard of it? Oh. My. Goodness.  Really, if you drink tea, and you have NOT had it .. you must! They have flavors like birthday cake .. it has actual sprinkles in it. There is one called Red Velvet Cake ... chocolate chips in that loose leaf tea. I became a big fan of their summer teas - many can be enjoyed hot or iced. There were SO many amazing iced tea flavors ... Pom Diggity [so seriously, every time I read "Pom" for a split second I see 'porn' ... tell me you don't!!!], Coco Colada, and my favorite of all time .. Sangria. There are whole raspberries and slices of orange in that one. Just opening the tin smells delicious. 

When I wrote about how much I love Fridays I left out that bit about waking up a little after 11 not feeling so well. I spent the next half hour in the bathroom .. hurling ... it wasn't my cooking because I was the only one that got sick. Earlier this week, I had a new tea order delivered ... Honeycrisp Apple, Apple Cider, and some other fall flavored delights. As I spent the majority of my Saturday on the couch, curled in a ball ... I so enjoyed the warmth of my apple cider tea. 

I'll warn you, this is not budget friendly tea, it is, however, an excellent example of you get what you pay for!

Day 5 - I am thankful for David's Tea

Day 6 - I am thankful for Sunday Service

For the last 10 plus years, I have attended church at First Congregational Church of Norwichtown. It is just a mile or 2 away from Romanskiville and the people there have become an extension of our family. The last 2 Saturday nights, the girls were invited to sleep overs. Pickup times for Sunday mornings were loosely coordinated so I ended up missing service 2 weeks in a row. Not the end of the world, but Paul and I are big on when you get out of the routine of going to Church, it gets really easy to NOT go. 

This Sunday, we arrived a little earlier than usual and settled in after a hug here and there. The girls were sitting with someone else - oohing and ahhing over pictures of her grandson and I just sat there. We play beautiful instrumental music before the service starts and I was lost in the peace. Our meeting house is old, historic building old and I've always been struck by the simple elegance of it. I don't pretend that sitting in the pew on a Sunday morning makes me any better than someone who never sits in it, but I love that time on Sunday mornings. No noise, no texts, no email, no chores .... just time to be quiet, to think, to pray, and to find some slice of peace. 

Day 6 - I am thankful for Sunday Service

Takeout

Day 3 - I am thankful for takeout

Today was one of those days ...

Just as I was heading out the door, I got the dreaded "do I have any clean uniform pants?"

That crisis was averted [meaning someone wore a skirt and leggings] and off I drove. 

It was not an overly chaotic day at the office, just full. I left on time, picked up from after school care and landed home a few minutes after 5. Zapped something for the girls, walked the dog, made a cup of coffee and headed back out. 

Delivered Pampered Chef orders and attended a PTO meeting. Arrived home to jump right into homework and get that load of uniforms in the washer. 

I've checked backpacks, signed reading logs, sorted some mail and 1 of the many piles on the peninsula. The laundry has made its way to the dryer and I'm sitting, finally, at my desk ... deciding where we are ordering from ... Subway? Irenes? Chinese? Somewhere for sure, because I definitely don't have cooking dinner in me right now.

Day 3 - I am thankful for takeout ... I am SO thankful for TAKEOUT

Commute

Day 2 - I am thankful for my morning commute


For the last nine years I worked at CSC, I worked remotely, in other words, from home. I know that working from home can sound really glamorous ... working when ever you want, conference calls in your PJs, stuff like that. Don't get me wrong - there was a lot of greatness about it. I thought my morning commute was a positive, I mean it involved walking from the kitchen to the corner of the dining room .. literally seconds and great for fuel economy. 

Then I got a job that I needed to actually go to, every day! It is a SHORT, easy commute for me, less than 20 min door to door. I have a safe and reliable car and I really like my job and co-workers, the drive was never a chore. 

Sometime in August, after a particularly hectic morning routine at home, I had a bit of an epiphany. This drive every morning is an opportunity to settle myself ... to leave the chaos of 4 people getting ready to head out for the day behind and start the process of charting my course for my work day. 

I mostly drive on I-395 but just before I arrive to campus, I turn on this secondary road through a neighborhood. I see the dad and his tiny human waiting for the bus. I drive a little further and I see another dad with his 2 black labs - an old timer and a not so old timer - and his 2 kids. Sometimes the son manages the old timer's leash. I drive a little bit farther, almost to campus, and I find my favorites. There is this adorable elderly couple that walks, holding hands. Seeing them in the morning, walking together, makes me smile .... a smile so big that I think you can "hear" it when I do.

This short time as I drive away from the chaos that is home, to the chaos that can be work ... I enjoy the peace of the car, the radio and the now, familiar, friends on my ride. 

#2 - I am thankful for my morning commute

Hello November

Most Novembers, I dedicate Romanskiville to "Thirty Days of Thanks" and some years .. I actually get all 30 days done ... I'm a busy, work outside of the home mom, what can I say?

Sometimes the posts are super serious, sometimes they are super funny and sometimes there a little screwed up. There was that one time the post was called "Dinner Time" and it included only the picture of a Bud Light Lime. That one was a serious case of not proof-reading.

The last few years I spent a lot of time really becoming the best version of me. I have spent more time focusing on "what I have" rather than "have not." I'm making sure that I'm showing up for the people who show up for me. I've begun to put more trust in my Faith. 

Often we get so busy that we start to take things for granted, we forget to be kind and grateful. Earlier this year, we started "highs & lows" .. most nights, usually around the dinner table, we all share our best moment of the day and our lowest. The girls look forward to this, like it's an event, and it starts conversations. Rather than me saying "What'd you do at school today?" and getting "nothing" we have animated discussions.

I encourage you to try this for a month .. you don't have to share them on a blog, your social media, or really anywhere, just spend a moment - when you first get up or right before you turn off your light at night - and think of something that you are thankful for. You might be surprised how it can change your world!  

So without further ado, let's get this "Thankful" party started. 

Day #1 - I am thankful for an office with a door

Until I started at the college, I never, EVER had an office with a door ... I worked in a cubicle or from my house. I know that might seem like a small thing but sometimes you need to concentrate. Sometimes you need a place to have a private conversation with a student processing the death of their friend. Sometimes you need a time out to get yourself re-centered. Sometimes you might just want to eat your lunch, while it is hot, without conversation.  

My door is often wide open and lots of times I'm out at the service desk working with customers but it is nice to know, there is a place, should I need it. 

#1 - I am thankful for an office with a door

Breathless

On Sunday, I took the girls to a friend's birthday party at the movie theater. I stood against the wall in the party room, chatting with the other moms. I turned to pick something up or put something down and someone caught my eye. 

A tall, thin teenager with long hair walked by. I walked to the door and took a step into the corridor. I wanted to call out to her .... like you see on those dramatic TV series .... when the character thinks they saw the person that is gone. For a fleeting second, I thought she was still physically here. Then I realized it wasn't her, for another second I stopped breathing and it felt like there was a rock on my chest. My friend looked at me and asked if I was OK. I explained, through tears. She put her arm around me and then back to the party we went. 

No one saw the turn of events of the summer coming and my life was profoundly impacted by her passing. I think of her often - her beauty, her kindness, her fun-loving spirit, her Grace. 

We're different for knowing her and forever changed by the loss of her physical presence. 

We'll never be the same, nor would we want to be. 

"répondez, s'il vous plaît"

RSVP .... 

What does that really mean? According to my research, it comes from the French phrase "répondez, s'il vous plaît" ... translation [Respond, please]

Generally there is date that you should respond by - you know let the person who issued the invitation know if you'll be there or not. 

I struggle with this, well just with the getting people to let me know if they are coming. I have no problem letting people know if we're attending or sending our regrets.

Here are some myths about RSVPing I believe exist ...

Myth 1: When I call to say "Yes" or "No" I will get sucked into a long phone conversation and I don't have time for that

I spend a large majority of my day talking to people - in person AND on the phone. When I get home, I'm not in the mood for a long conversation either. 

Call when you know we aren't home and talk to the machine - she hangs up after 60 seconds so that is your maximum commitment. Email or text work too. 

Myth 2: If I say "No" they will make me feel guilty or bad for not attending.

Maybe that happens other places, but not here in Romanskiville, we offer guilt-free and no excuse required RSVPs. We're completely satisfied with "We're not coming to xyz."  If you don't want to come, a simple no is great. There really is no need to say "I just don't know if I want to come" ... really .. no need for that level of transparency

I want to know how much I'm going to need to buy ... how many plates, favors, pizza and drinks. Now some of that stuff keeps and can be used at other events but not always with the food. If I'm cooking - how much of an effort am I undertaking? If I'm outsourcing food, how much am I ordering? How many cupcakes or what size cake do I need? Who wants to host the party where there isn't enough to eat (we've been to parties like that). I also don't want to order 10 pizzas when 5 would have been plenty. It is a matter of efficiency.

Myth 3: They know we're coming

Actually if you didn't tell us "yes", we don't assume! You've heard that old adage "When you assume, you make an ......." Yeah, that ..... 

From the middle of August to now, we've had a handful of events - chasing RSVPs every. single. time.  One of those events is Brooke's birthday -- where you have to invite the WHOLE class if you send invites through school. Twenty-five invitations went out ... I've heard from TWO parents ... TWO. I'm still waiting for a handful of non school invitees too - not counting the peeps who are vacationing or travelling the USA. 

The actual "reply by" date on the invitation is tomorrow so I'm holding out hope for a flurry of text notifications or emails. We'll see.

I should mention that our niece excels at RSVPs, I am certain that she opens the email/envelope, decides if it is of interest, checks her calendar and responds right then. If there was an Olympic event for RSVPs, she would win the gold. 

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Tonight was the first Board of Ed meeting in Norwich. Want to make any wagers on if I was in attendance?

If you had money on "yes, you were there" .. ding ding ding WINNER!

I spoke during public comment in May - pretty eloquently - imploring the BOE to take a long, hard look at the way they budget AND spend their money. Then I went back in June and, you guessed it, spoke again.

In July, I met with the Superintendent and in August with her and the Chairperson of the BOE. 

I'm serious and I'm not going away. I'm passionate about this and will not be deterred.

Last week, I tossed around the idea of speaking at tonight's meeting. I could share with them what I said at Moriarty Back to School night. I could tell them how I issued a challenge to the families to attend ONE more event than they did the previous year and to volunteer one more time. Then I should challenge them, the BOE, to talk to one more parent than they did last year, one more teacher, attend one more event, or return ONE freaking email from an interested, engaged parent. 

After writing Highs and Lows, I thought I could share that with them. Tell them that the highs and lows that are getting shared around my table all relate to their time at school. They love music, technology, gym, and writing. The lows are things like "when we were done with our science experiment" or "when I had to leave school for the day - I LOVE school" I would tell them that I do not think I have a unique experience, that my kids are representative of many our students. That our staff is doing really AMAZING work and it shows in our students. 

So after thoughtful deliberation, I decided not to speak at all .. I figured who wants to get the reputation for being "that mother" who is always complaining. 

Tonight I attended the meeting, I listened, I took notes. There are things I heard that make me shake my head .. I heard things that literally wanted to send me running from the room, hands in the air, screaming. There were things I heard that made me believe - there is much work to do. 

I got in my car to head home and thought .. I should have. I could have. If I could do it again, I would ..... 

I'm not dwelling on the the shoulda, coulda, woulda ... it might be different next time. 

Highs and Lows

Before I met Paul and while he was going through his divorce he was adopted by some friends from the neighborhood. They invited him to dinner, to family game night - they were really good to him during a difficult time. One of their family "traditions" was to go around the dinner table and share their "highs and lows" - what was the best thing that happened today? what was your low? I can remember Paul smiling when he shared the experience with me. I tried this in the old house - I'm not sure how old the girls were - but they were too little. Their high was often their low too. Sometimes when you said "what was the best thing that happened to you today? you got "can I have more melon?"

Last night I decided to give it another whirl, I mean we have big girls now. 

SUCCESS! Tonight, after rain chased us from the Soccer field, we warmed up with soup and grilled cheese. Kristen was done first. 

"May I be excused?"

"No, you have to stay at the table and talk to your sister and I" I said.

She sighs - annoyed - then Brooke remembers highs and lows. 

"We have to do highs and lows Kristen. What was your high?"

"Art - we started our fish habitats" Kristen shares with a big smile. Brooke and I share. Then we share lows. Tonight they each had a "low LOW" .... they both said "having to leave school at the end of the day"
[I hope you read this Mrs. Pellerin]

I love the conversation it generates. I love that it gives me an opportunity to help them hone their critical thinking skills. What about that made you so happy? Why was that your low? Why is leaving school at the end of the day your low? We are engaging in conversation and they are enjoying it.

I'm committed to making these little moments more regular. To creating these experiences that, I hope, help shape them into kind and thoughtful tiny humans. 

"There's never enough time for what matters, but there is always time for what matters most" 

Yes, there absolutely is. 

Back to School Night

Tonight was the Back to School BBQ at Moriarty Magnet School. As president of the PTO, I speak and try to get more people helping our cause. I also take time to acknowledge our faculty and staff. I genuinely believe that the staff at Moriarty are some of the FINEST in the business and I thank my lucky stars EVERY day that this is where Brooke and Kristen spend their days. I was a little overwhelmed by the turnout .... I have to tell you that cafeteria WAS PACKED ... for a second it took my breath away. 

I was making the rounds visiting classrooms and referred to my "speech" it was only then I realized most of the people I was praising were in their classrooms, anxiously awaiting their new students. So here it is ... I hope every Moriarty Environmental Sciences Magnet School teacher reads this and has some small idea of how much their work is valued. 

Good Evening - It is so exciting to see so many of you here tonight! I’m Heather Romanski, PTO President and mom to a 2nd and 5th grader here at Moriarty Environmental Sciences Magnet School or should I say “the Nationally Recognized Moriarty Environmental Sciences Magnet School”  I don’t know about you, but I am so proud of the hard work and dedication of our faculty and staff that went into winning that award in May 2016.  Please join me in a round of applause for these AMAZING people!

If you are new to Moriarty, you are in for quite a treat. Our children spend their days with some of the finest educators I’ve had the privilege to work with. We are so fortunate that our staff is full of smart, caring, innovative and resourceful teachers. Our faculty and staff has one of the MOST important jobs there is, they are training our future scientists, engineers, computer programmers and environmental activists. One day a Moriarty Alum might be the superintendent of a school district, a senator, or an olympic athlete. Did you know that a student who studied at Moriarty just competed in the Summer Olympics in Rio?  

Research shows that students perform better when their families are engaged. This year, I’m challenging you to volunteer one more time than you did last year. Just one more time. To attend ONE more event than you did last year. I’m asking you to be an active partner in our Moriarty Family, because that's what we are here - a family. We’re looking for help across the board … cutting up boxtops, helping in our gardens, helping our students compost, or helping to staff our book fair. Maybe you have an amazing idea to engage and excite our community...please share it! We’d love to have you stop in at a PTO meeting, but if that isn’t your thing - we’ll find a way for you to share your talents or your time.

Thanks so much - hope to see you soon!

Where I'm Supposed to Be

Celebrating every day things. Being content with what you have. Making time for what is important. Not settling. Being the best I can be for me, so that I can be the best I can for my husband and my girls. 

This is my mission statement. This is what matters most. 

This shift started when I filed for divorce in 2001 .... I was never going to find the happiness, mutual respect or love that everyone dreams of there. I lost a lot when I left that marriage - mostly material things. I came to terms with that pretty quickly and can remember saying to someone who was having a harder time watching me grieve my relationship -  "It's stuff. In 10 years from now I'm going to be remarried, have the family I've longed for, and be living my happily ever after. In 10 years, he's going to have my STUFF .. I think I actually said F$%^ING STUFF." Then I met Paul, and  we went out, and then there was that time we talked on the phone for 5 hours .... then I moved in, a proposal, a wedding, a baby, a promotion, another baby .... Guess what ... ten years later, I WAS living my happily ever after and, the ex, he had been married and divorced for the 5th time. 

In 2012, we designed and built a house that we love. It was another dream come true. We were enjoying our space and and loving our time together as "The Core Four". There were changes at work and I was growing increasingly unhappy, but I had achieved so much success and the salary that came with that - we weren't in a position where I could just walk away. 

In 2014 the decision was made for me. A Thursday morning meeting and Friday was my last day. In all honesty, I think that was emotionally harder to deal with than my divorce. Have you ever been laid off? It hurts your feelings, like you added no value, that your contributions were inconsequential. If I had not already known that I was with the right guy - that time - was the icing on the cake. Never got angry, never showed stress, never let the circumstances get the best of him. When I interviewed and didn't get an offer he would shake his head and smile and say "boy did they miss out" or "whoever they picked - not gonna do the job you would have"... and when he said it, he believed it. That makes you believe it and that my friends is the best gift ever. 

In January 2015, I was offered an IT job on a college campus. I accepted the job - not only did I think I would be good at it but it was close to home and the thought of commuting back and forth to Hartford made my head hurt. It took me a while to figure things out -- higher ed was all new -- but then things started to fall into place. I know how to do my job and I do it well. My role marries the 2 things that bring me joy - technology and people. My colleagues have become fast friends. 

Yesterday, the first year students moved in. Campus is congested, the Service Desk is BUSY, and there are times when it is just plain chaotic. In a quiet moment, I sent a chat message to co-worker and said "I know this is going to sound crazy - I LOVE move-in day!" 

It took some time and the road was twisted and rocky, but here I am living the dream ... married to the man I am "supposed" to be married to and doing the work that was made for me. 

I'm where I'm supposed to be ...... Amen.

You are So Beautiful

A girl's self esteem peaks at AGE 9

62% of girls are insecure

2% of women describe themselves as beautiful

91% of women hate their bodies

As a woman and a mother of two beautiful daughters ... these statistics speak to me.

Earlier tonight a friend shared this trailer for a film called Embrace .. WOW! 

I was so moved as I watched it. I hope you'll click on the link above and watch for the 2 minutes it plays. 

I used to be skinny. It is unfortunate that I can't find a picture of me in the little black dress I wore to my 30th birthday party .. smokin' hot. Then I had a baby, a second baby and then I turned 40. You're pulled in a million directions and your metabolism retires. 

A few years ago, I decided I was going to start running again. I wanted to lose weight, I wanted to be that skinny girl in the black dress that turned heads when she walked to the bar to get a drink and I did. Well, I didn't get THAT skinny but I dropped close to 30 pounds. It lasted for a while and then it was back. 

In January, I got serious again about exercise. The motivation was different this time - my knees hurt, my feet hurt, I was tired of low energy. It wasn't so much about the weight, more about being fit and strong. It was more about protecting what I had from all the "stuff" that I'm predisposed to like joint problems and osteoporosis. 

This summer I've lost a bit of my focus - the humidity was obnoxious, we stay up too late making it hard to get up early, and we lost someone so dear to our family and, frankly, I was just sad. 

Then a 2 minute and 12 second movie trailer shows up on my Facebook feed. It reminded me that beauty is so much more than the exterior, than a number on the scale, than a size on the tag of the that not-so little black dress. 

I'm beautiful [and it is really hard to type that, even now] but I AM. I am kind. I am thoughtful. I am generous. I am funny. I am a nurturer. I am a thinker. I am a dreamer. I am a Do'er. I am an advocate. I am passionate. I am a provider. I am a good friend. I am a runner. I am a fighter. I am strong. I AM beautiful. 

"This body of mine - it's not an ornament, it's a vehicle" Taryn Brumfitt

Why does this move me?  Because A girl's self esteem peaks at AGE 9 ... on September 3rd, my daughter, turns 10. 

So to my daughter I offer Taryn's words:

You might not be the skinniest or the fastest but this body of yours - it's not an ornament, it's a vehicle. It will take you places and "Darling Girl, don't waste a single day being at war with your body, just embrace it"

#Ihaveembraced

It Only Takes A Spark ....

Tonight was the last Board of Education meeting in Norwich before they adjourn for the summer. Would you be surprised to learn that I signed up for "Public Comment?" I take this all very seriously, for example, I prepare my words a few days ahead of time, I edit them, I have others read them and I practice reading my words out loud.  After last month's "wrap it up" incident .. I even researched the time guidelines and timed my practice rounds. I was well under the published 5 minute limit and carried my phone to the table with me, ya know, so I could keep my pace in check. 

I read my remarks, looked up, and from time to time would glance at my phone ... on target ... so I pushed on. I turned to my last page with just a few sentences ... I got the dreaded "wrap it up.' Clearly my interpretation of 5 minutes and the timekeeper's vary, I've emailed the ENTIRE Board and attached their policy document where 5 minutes is clearly communicated.  We'll see, I'm sure nothing will change, but I feel better for saying something and sometimes you have to be happy with that. 

I shared my sadness that the Magnet Theme Coach would not be returning in the Fall because our our district finances. That, combined with plans to change the physical structures of our schools, felt like a lack of support for the Magnet Schools in our district. I reminded them that many Norwich kids are leaving for out of district Magnet schools -- some 233ish and how that is a financial burden to our education budget. 

Earlier this year, our School, Moriarty Environmental Sciences Magnet School won a national award. The was the cumulative efforts of students, staff and good leadership. I have no doubt that Moriarty will have continued success, the remaining staff will rise to the occasion and things will go on, but I can assure you it will be different. 

I only worked with Erin for a short time but we became fast friends. She is smart, energetic, and is an engaging and enthusiastic educator. She was patient with me -- who might have showed up with a tiny bit of arrogance -- how hard can this be? OH. MY. GOODNESS. Let me tell you folks ... being in that school all day - is hard, designing lesson plans and activities that adhere to this standard or that - HARD .... getting people to give you stuff for FREE .. HARD. Getting the Tiny Humans to sit, listen and learn .. HARDER. 

Doing what is right .. HARDEST. Erin made me think about education in a different way. She challenged me to be a forward thinker when it came to the way my girls are taught. Why this way and not that? Why should we continue to do it like this just because we always have done it this way. Are you sure there isn't a better way? 

She quietly encouraged me to speak out and be heard. She has had a hand in the creation of this "accidental advocate" and has helped me find a voice - not only for my kids, but for our district as a whole. 

I emailed her earlier tonight - mainly because I still cannot believe she is GONE from our district - but also to let her know that she had been the spark that has started a fire. I also shared what I read, because "someone" texted her and told her that I spoke at the BOE meeting about her. 

I said what I said at that meeting because I wanted to make sure the Board knew that we had lost an asset but in all honesty, I know it won't save her job.

"The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.


Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway." Mother Teresa

So Erin, I say to you .. you did good and I will not let it be forgotten. You gave us your best and it was enough. 

You encouraged me to take a stand for one of the most important things in the world - the education of my kids. You were the spark that started this fire ... and I promise you ... I will continue to let it burn!

Because our Kids Deserve It

Norwich Board of Ed - Public Comment - June 2016

As you may remember, I have 2 daughters that attend Moriarty Environmental Sciences Magnet School. The same school that was recognized, nationally, at the Magnet Schools of America Conference in May.

Tonight I share with you my concerns about decisions that are being made that I believe are counterproductive to its continued success. It is no secret that when the decision to transition to a Magnet School was made, I did not support it. Over the course of the last few years, I have seen some amazing changes and have grown into one of Moriarty’s strongest advocates.

Moriarty Environmental Science Magnet School was not a “start-up” Magnet, it has had to transition using the staff and the infrastructure they had. Clearly they are making it work and that is not only evident to parents and students but to educators in the field as well - hence a national award. The reason they are a success is because there is an intensely collaborative mindset that encompasses students, staff, administration and families. Spearheading this Magnet transition was Magnet Theme Coach, Erin Conley.  Sadly, Ms. Conley will not be returning in the Fall since the budget was not able to provide the funding for her position. It is unfortunate that she will be absent - she brought with her an extensive Magnet School teaching and planning background. She has authored and co-authored curricula that are being used across the state. She is a gem not only to Moriarty but to our entire district.

I am also extremely concerned about the proposals under review by our facilities review committee -- there are at least 2 options - that make no allowance for the continuation of either of our Magnet Schools. If we’re evaluating facilities, maybe this is an opportunity for us to make long range plans to move to an inter-district magnet program. Last month

I spoke about fiscal responsibility. If the Board continues to support the Magnet programs we have, they can potentially provide much needed revenue. Not only does this benefit our children, but could provide some relief to our over-stressed budget.

There are waiting lists for the 2 magnet schools in our district and we all know that when families are evaluating the town they will call home, the quality of the schools is a major factor. These programs boost the reputation of our city. I wonder why the administration and staff at both Moriarty and Wequonnoc were allowed to make this leap of faith investing their energy and efforts into developing these amazing and engaging programs if there was no plan to sustain them long term.  You cannot deny the large numbers of students leaving Norwich to attend Magnet schools in surrounding towns and that the business of education has become competitive.  It seems silly to let an opportunity slip by and not fully support the Magnets we have. Then we too can have students coming from other towns which will help to sustain our schools.

The students at Moriarty are learning by doing to be stewards of the world around them they know where food comes from, how important it is to recycle and how to be problem solvers. One of the most surprising things to me was how the infusion of a theme has not only changed our school, but it is changing many of our homes. My girls encourage our family to reduce and recycle. They encourage us to support our local farms and to think more about waste. Moriarty is training our future Scientists, Civil Engineers, Programmers, and Environmental Activists. They are making a STEM education interesting and exciting. They are changing the lives of the students AND families that are lucky enough to call Moriarty home. Please continue to honor and respect the commitment that the Board of Education made to this approach to education.