Delivery Man

#30 - I am thankful for my husband

So here we are in the month of December and I'm just now getting around to writing my last "day" of thanks. I always save him for last because it is so hard for me write about him with out rambling. 

Our relationship got a slow start .. like we met at a birthday party and it was almost a month before he called to ask me out. Once we finally went on that date though we never looked back.

From the beginning I could see what a kind and genuine person Paul was. He is the most loyal person I have ever known.  

For years I worked in IT and he will tell you that he never really understood what my job entailed. I climbed the ranks and responsibilities grew - there were late night meetings, there were calls in the middle of the night, and sometimes I was summoned to on site meetings and visits. He took all that in stride - you don't have to understand it to respect it - and that he did. We never really talked about it but I could tell that he was proud of me - he celebrated every promotion and raise no matter how small. 

We had both been married before. We both knew what unhappy and broken looked like, more importantly, we knew what it felt like. Twelve years after that first date .. we are as happy and as committed as we were then. 

We promised this time would be different and he has delivered. 

#30 - I am thankful for my husband

Sugar and Spice

# 29 - I am thankful for our girls

Nothing about having kids was easy for us. Just about every part of the process was work. 

I puked from conception right up through delivery ... NO exaggeration. I was on medication 24 x 7, both times there were ER visits for IV fluids, there were "emergency" ultrasounds. All that drama should have been a good indicator that we were getting girls. 

They were the tiniest little people. If I ever doubted the existence of miracles these two changed that.

Brooke

Kristen

There have been little bumps in the road along the way .. Brooke's struggle with an asthma diagnosis before age 1, Kristen's need for significant corrective eye surgery when she was 3.

They have grown a lot since those pictures. They are two completely different people, polar opposites.  I call them "My Ying and Yang"

One is chatty, affectionate, sensitive, and worries about, well, everything.

The other is quiet and shy but fearless. She'll climb to the top of the monkey bars and then wonders how she'll get down. She worries about nothing and if I didn't know better I would SWEAR there are times when she is mentally flipping me off.

A few weeks ago we had Christmas pictures taken ... this is my favorite one. It fills my heart with joy .. it won't be the one I send on our cards but it captures their spirit and personalities.

They are both in school now and we see them growing so much - socially AND academically. Their vocabulary is unbelievable and they are so full of curiosity and wonder. 

These two complete our story. They make our house a home and turned us from a couple into a family. I used to dream about getting married and having kids. I waited a LONG time for that piece of the puzzle to snap into place. 

Let me tell you, THEY, were worth the wait.  

# 29 - I am thankful for our girls

SOCIAL !!!!

#28 - I am thankful for Social Media

Yup, it is true. I appreciate and find value in Social Media. I Facebook, I Tweet, and sometimes I Pin and Instagram. 

I find it fast, easy, convenient. I find it is a "one stop shop" to keep people in the loop.

Yes, it has some downsides. People OVER share ... I mean REALLY over share.

People climb on their virtual soapboxes more than they should and more than they probably would in person.

People are bolder than maybe they would be in person because there is less accountability. 

Despite all that, it works for me. It allows me to keep my friends who aren't here day to day involved in the comings and goings in Romanskiville. 

It allows us to stay connected when my parents journey south for the winter.

It is a way for me to share my writing with a bigger audience.

And there was that Apple Pie Sangria recipe that has changed the face of every fall and winter gathering that I will have or attend.  

For me the pluses far outweigh the negatives. 

#28 - I am thankful for Social Media

Giving Thanks

# 27 - I am thankful for this day

This has been a challenging year  ... there has been heartbreak, uncertainty, so much change, and so much unsettled.

All that being said, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It is a chance to gather family and it is all about the food. There are no gifts required. If you are not responsible for the turkey and trimmings it is pretty low stress.

I love how you can wake up slowly on Thanksgiving morning and you aren't rushing to the tree or to Easter baskets. 

This year we stayed in our pajamas until after 9 am. The girls watched the parade and played with their dolls. I was able to sit with my cup of coffee instead of carrying it around while I pack lunches, backpacks, and briefcases. 

My parents hosted a delicious and plentiful meal in the afternoon. All four kids played together like the best of friends. The boys watched football, the ladies scanned sale flyers and there was PIE!  Amazing PIE!

It was a simple day but after this year with job loss and finding new ways we were able to focus on all that we have. 

Sometimes you get so distracted in the day to day you forget all you have to be thankful for. I am thankful that, Thanksgiving, the actual day and celebration reminded me. 

We are so VERY blessed.

# 27 - I am thankful for this day

Sometimes it is all about the simple things

#22 - I am thankful for "free shipping"

I know, I know "no such thing as a free lunch." My husband, the guy driving around in bad weather for 10-11 hours, will not be pleased when he reads this one either, but given the lack of time I am kid less to shop .. this is huge. 

#23 - I am thankful for flannel sheets

It has gotten drastically colder here in Romanskiville. There is nothing nicer than climbing into bed and snuggling into those flannel sheets.

#24 - I am thankful for my iPad
First of all, I love technology. My iPad Air ... I often carry it more than my purse. It has my calendar, I can do my banking from it, it stores hours of my favorite music. I can take it to the gym and watch movies while I exercise. I can read a book on it while I wait for an appointment. Life changing.

#25 - I am thankful for good slippers
Seriously, who does not want warm, dry feet. I have the LL Bean, fur lined ones with the rubber soles .. love them .. probably more than you should love slippers.

#26 - I am thankful for "pay at the pump"
Not having to run inside to pay in bad weather or when I have 2 kids in boosters and belts to herd to and fro ... best invention. EVER.

Movies, Chocolate and Quick Trip to the Grocery Store

#19 - I am thankful for chocolate

Really no additional text needed here .. right?

#20 - I am thankful for grocery pickup

For the last 6 weeks we've been doing grocery pickup. I order online during the week and on Sunday between 11 and 12 Paul pulls up to the front of the local Stop and Shop. The attendant knows him now, she has him sign the paper and carefully loads the bags in the trunk. He climbs back in to the car, drives home and moves onto the rest of Sunday.

Not only does it save us time, it saves us a a bunch of money .. no impulse buys!!!

#21 - I am thankful for Redbox

I wish I was the person that thought to put a video store in a vending machine and then plop those vending machines in convenient locations. We are big fans of the service. We walked into our local Redbox haunt tonight and walked out 5 minutes later with 2 kids movies, for $1.20 plus tax (we had a coupon for a free rental)

Wanna have dinner at The Elks Club?

#18 - I am thankful for people with generous hearts

Last night I had dinner at the Groton Elks Club .. WOO HOO. I bet you don't hear that every day. I was there with my parents, brother and sister in law to support my cousin Betsy and her son, Jordan. 

Betsy is 3 years older than me and we spent a ton of time together growing up. When she was studying to be a hairdresser she practiced on me ... there was only really one time when it was not a good haircut, but I digress. 

Betsy is a single mom of one son, Jordan.  He'll be 22 in a week and sometime between now and early December will undergo surgery, again, to remove cancer. 

We arrived last night shortly after the event started and were met with a fairly large crowd.  We passed through a room full of raffle prizes, deposited our tickets, and found seats. The room kept filling, we grabbed dinner and I ran into so many people that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was nice to catch up. A band played while we ate.

Jordan works at Stop & Shop and some employees there were the mastermind for the event last night. They did a phenomenal job. Betsy took the microphone for a few minutes and read off her list of thanks, I could tell that she was really overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people AND LOVE in that room. It is one think thing to "know" that people are on your side, but when you physically SEE a building full of people and their sole purpose is to lift you up .. that makes you feel pretty damn special. 

People laughed and cried ... we sang Happy Birthday to Jordan a few days early. The crowd started to thin and I headed home to Paul and the girls. My heart was full. It is so easy to forget about all the good, kind, loving, thoughtful, GENEROUS people out there. It was not hard to remember that last night. 

I am thankful, so very, very thankful.

#18 - I am thankful for people with generous hearts

LIVE from the Living Room

#17 -  I am thankful for creativity of my kids

I mentioned the other day that my sister and I were able to sneak away for most of Sunday. My brother in law and nephew were away freezing their behinds off on a boy scout overnight so that meant that Paul had the 3 girls ... Livy started on Heidi first thing "Is it time to leave yet?" every 5 minutes. Paul and I had the "Is it almost time for Olivia to come?" every 5 minutes. 

It was requested that I text Auntie Heidi to have Liv bring her Anna Coronation dress. 

The kids .. all 4 were characters in Frozen for Halloween. Olaf, Anna, Olaf and Elsa.

When Heidi and I left they were going to change into their dress-up clothes. When we got back early that evening we found this greeting us....

According to the note - Olivia had an "awesome" time and Paul had a private showing of Frozen .. complete with the girls all singing to him with the karaoke microphones. Paul says we missed an outstanding show! I love these kids and their enthusiasm, creativity and imaginations.

#17 -  I am thankful for creativity of my kids

Sisterhood of the Traveling Bags

# 16 - I am thankful for my "little" sister

Today I spent most the day with my sister and we didn't have our kids. It is a big deal because we hardly EVER get to spend time together ... alone. It isn't that we don't get along it is just that we move in different circles. They camp, we don't. They have a boy who is busy .. Scouts and Baseball -- practices, games, Fall Ball ... we don't have those same activities. 

That made today even more special. We got to talk, uninterrupted, about a bunch of stuff. We had a 45 min ride to where we were going (Google Maps actually said closer to 55 but Heidi drove) so it was nice.

We had breakfast on the way there and lunch/dinner before we headed home. I got to order an appetizer that came with cheese dip because she would share it with me ... unlike last night when we had to skip the cheese in the salad because Paul was with us.

We were at a meeting for a business that I am working hard to get off the ground, we got a free gift, a new tote bag .... after the meeting .. we strategized some about making some December goals. 

Then we headed home and back to our crazy households. The beauty of having a sister .. she's always there!

I see that with my girls already .. how they really enjoy being together ..well most of the time. 

# 16 - I am thankful for my "little" sister

Coffee

# 15 - I am thankful for coffee

Even though I didn't learn to appreciate coffee until I was 30 I have made up for. I like it hot, I like it iced and I especially love to sit on the couch with a book, newspaper or DVR'd TV and just wrap my hands around the mug and quietly enjoy. 

# 15 - I am thankful for coffee

Girls Night

#14 - I am thankful for Girl's Night Out

Every now and then a few of us girls get together on a Friday night. Tonight was one of those nights.  


It isn't really that much of a big deal -- a nice restaurant, a glass or 2 of wine, and dessert ... we are not out particularly late and no one is hung over the next day. 

For me, it is a HUGE treat. I don't take Brooke and Kris.  Therefore, I am only responsible for managing myself. No one to take to the bathroom, no bread to butter for anyone but me, no cutting others main course while mine gets cool, etc. 

We get to talk, catch up on what is going on in every one's world and laugh. And LAUGH.

We laugh so much that my face hurts when I get home. 

These girls .. they are my people. I am so thankful for them and whenever we get a Girl's Night Out.

#14 - I am thankful for Girl's Night Out

Oh Brother

#13 - I'm thankful for my "little" brother

Today is his birthday and it really does seem like just yesterday when he was born.

Today, he is all grown up and carries a gun.  He's a police officer so it is OK that he has the gun and all. 

Even though I am older ... a lot older than him ... he has always been my protector.

When he was 3, he ran very excitedly into my bedroom early one Saturday morning saying "I got it, I got it!" I was asleep and when I opened my eyes, there was the mouse trap (complete with said mouse) from the trunk of my car.

When I was getting divorced, he would go with me to my old house to get my mail or be my bodyguard if there were other meetings or hand-offs required.

When I moved, he was always there to muscle boxes.

When we built Romanskiville - Rev 2, he was there .. digging a trench, laying conduit, boring holes through foundation walls.

He is the cool uncle to my girls that takes them out to dinner, lets them stay up too late and eat ice cream when they didn't eat their dinner. 

He hangs them upside down and pushes them on the swing. He talks to Brooke about running and plants the seed about running cross country or track. 

When he is at our house he always takes Bradley out back and throws the ball with him. 

I'm thankful that he and my sister in law live close and we're connected.

 #13 - I'm thankful for my "little" brother

Those People are SAINTS ....

#12 - I am thankful for people who are called to teach

In late October, I started volunteering at the girl's school. That has evolved into some program management and technology integration consulting .. at their school and another in the district.

Before I started this gig, I already had a huge level of respect for teachers.  I mean, seriously, take Kindergarten for example, 22 5 year old kids.  TWENTY TWO 5 year olds ... I have one and I am not interested in adding any more 5 year old children to my village.

With the introduction of Common Core .. entire curriculum themes have been shifted. The school where the girls attend has become a Magnet School and with that comes more "required" instructional time. 

Now that I am in the school almost every day I am learning that there is not one free minute in a school day ..... every minute is assigned to some facet of instructional time. 

Some of these kids come to school hungry, some come with no coat, some come routinely late, and some have behavioral issues. Some kids lack the ability to speak and understand English. Some get very little nurturing at home. Some are coming to school for more than education and you know what .. they are getting it.

So proud of the faculty and staff that gets there early and stays late. So thankful or the teacher that sends the extra bag lunch from the field trip home with a kid she knows needs a little extra. For the staff that finds a coat or a sweatshirt for the kid that showed up without one. For the love and support that so many of these kids crave. 

I am so grateful for the people who teach my kids. 

#12 - I am thankful for people who are called to teach

Something about a man in uniform

#11 - I am thankful for all those that serve or have served our country

My dad has told me more than one time that he signed up for the US Coast Guard and a few days later was drafted .... to serve in the Army. 

He served during the Vietnam War, thankfully, in Thailand. He was a communications specialist and that was where that team was stationed. I've always loved this picture of my dad ... he seems strong, confident, and SO young!

About a month ago, my dad was reunited with a man that he served with over 45 years ago. Thanks to the internet, Jack was able to locate his buddy Sgt. Doc Holliday. My parents and Jack and his wife met in Branson, MO and got to catch up. 

How cool is that? 

Something tells me that my Mom and Jack's wife probably didn't do so much talking those few days they were together. I suspect after all these years there were lots of real "war stories" recalled.

Thank you for your service Dad, Jack, and all those who have sacrificed so much for this great country. 

Happy Veteran's Day

#11 - I am thankful for all those that serve or have served our country

SURPRISE

#10 - I am thankful for unexpected surprises .. good unexpected surprises!

Today, when I got the mail there was a padded envelope from the cookie company, Cheryl's. I am a customer of that particular company, but I didn't remember ordering anything from them recently. 

I confirmed it was addressed to me and opened it up. I found this ......

It was a little cardboard box that, when opened, revealed this ....

 A sugar cookie with strawberry buttercream frosting. 

It took me a few minutes to figure out who the sender was ... Thank You my sweet friend, Jenn.  I love knowing you are one of my biggest cheerleaders!!!

#10 - I am thankful for unexpected surprises .. good unexpected surprises!

Who You Calling a Writer?

#9 - I am thankful that people read my writing

In 2008 I started writing a blog. If you are reading this now, lucky you, you found it. I was a good student in high school .. an honor student, graduated in the top 10 of my class and was in the National Honor Society. That meant Honors English ... and that meant writing .. papers .. poetry ... OMG .. the most painful Junior English paper on an author that just about killed both Mrs. Panciera AND me. Seriously, over Christmas break I went to her house and worked on the paper with her. Looking back, that woman was a saint, I mean who really wants their 11th grade English students at their house the last week of December. She honestly gave us every opportunity to knock that assignment out of the park. Not sure that I did.

I have long advertised myself as a "math/science" person. For years I've told people that I am not a writer, that I am not creative, that I don't care much for the abstract. When I was in college and grad school I did some tutoring - always in computer and math classes. When my dad asked for some help with a paper when I was home on break one year I offered the disclaimer "you are going to get a B/B+ on this paper if I help you .. that is what I am a B/B+ writer" ... 

When I was struggling through papers and poetry it never occurred to me that some day I would look forward to sitting at the computer to create a blog post to share with a wider audience. I started my blog mainly to keep family and friends up to date when the girls were little. It did not ever occur to me that people would look forward to what I had to say. That people would think I was funny and entertaining. It definitely NEVER occurred to me that people would tell me that I had talent, that I was "such a good writer." I laughed out loud the first time someone told me that I should write a book. Funny thing is .. people read my blog, the software tracks how many hits, so I know it just isn't me and my parents.

It has become a bit of an outlet for me - when I am happy, excited, angry or confused .. I write .. sometimes I go too fast and I leave out words or use the wrong to/too/two ... sometimes it is hard for my hands to keep up with my brain. 

Even if there is never a book there is this sort of digital chronicle for the girls to read when they are older. I'll keep writing as long as people keep reading. 

#9 - I am thankful that people read my writing

Dinner Out

#8 - I am thankful for dinner out.. with family and friends

Every November, my church hosts a Turkey dinner. It is a favorite of ours, my mother in law, my sister in law and brother in law, and their friends. We had a table of 10 tonight. The food was delicious and plentiful. I'm still stuffed almost 3 hours later. 

We hadn't seen everyone in a while so it was fun to catch up. We ate and laughed and the best part .. no cooking tonight. 

#8 - I am thankful for dinner out.. with family and friends

Sober

I wonder if it would be easier to accept if he had been drunk, loaded up on prescription painkillers or illegal drugs.

Today, almost 3 months after his death the reports are back and it is all over the press .. Robin Williams was sober when he ended his life.

For me, there is a little relief .. not sure that is the right word, but I can't find another one. I think if he had been drunk or high I might have thought "maybe he didn't really want to end his life" or "he wasn't thinking clearly"

I'm not sure why I think him being sober equates to him thinking clearly, but it is where I'm letting my school of thought rest. 

I don't really understand depression or the total control it can have over you. I know people who have struggled - some have it under control, some are still doing battle and some have lost the war.

I think when someone takes their own life it is easy to judge. I think it is easy to label the person as selfish and cowardly. The more I reflect and learn about suicide, the more I understand that it isn't a logical and rational thought like I have. I get it now .. that there are battles that go unseen and unspoken. 

I loved Robin William's work. I think he was one of the most talented performers ever. When I learned of his passing I was sad that there would be no more Good Morning, Vietnams, no more Dead Poet's Societies, and no more Mrs. Doubtfires. 

He wasn't part of my daily life, we weren't friends, and sometimes I forget that he is gone. When you get right down to it - it doesn't matter - drunk, sober ... he is gone and to quote a line from one of my favorite movies where he had a lead

                                   "Oh Captain my captain, your fearful trip is done"

Not a Creature was Stirring ..

#7 - I am thankful for quiet mornings

I'm still not quite adjusted to the time change .. going to bed "early" like around 10:30 and awake and ready for the day too early (for me) around 5 - 5:30. 

This morning I was up and had the dog walked, fed and coffee made before 6. The best part .. everyone else is still in bed. I love to have a few minutes to sit quietly with my coffee and flip through the pages of a catalog or read the paper before anyone else is up. 

There never seems to be this little bit of quiet time at night so I really appreciate it when I get a few minutes in the morning. 

#7 - I am thankful for quiet mornings

Where Everyone Knows Your Name ...

There is this quaint little restaurant in Norwich called The Pantry. I'm not sure how I discovered it but I share it whenever I can. It is different from the usual pizza and grinder shop and it isn't diner like either. It is a little more upscale. Everything is made to order, it is hot and delicious every time I go.

I tend to have lunch there more than breakfast and, occasionally, I try something new but usually I order the French Dip. One of the chefs, Lori, knows my name is Heather. She knows I always order the French Dip. She also knows that Paul orders his French Dip without cheese.

They pay attention. 

This morning I had a business meeting and we decided earlier in the week that we would meet over breakfast. I was so excited that I could share "my place" with someone new. 

I don't think I've been there since the day the girls went back to school so I was due. We walked to the counter to place our order and Lori came out from the kitchen.

"It's a little early for French Dip Heather" ... 

I just love that ... like walking into "Cheers" and being met with a chorus of "NORM"

#6 - I am thankful for people and businesses that recognize customer service and loyalty. 

Never Thought I'd Say That ....

#5 - I am thankful for Unemployment Insurance

Yep ... never saw that coming .. but then, who does?  

It has been 6 months since I was "RIF'd" .. that is what they call a layoff at my old company, a "Reduction in Force".

Still no full time work and the vacation payout and severance are just about gone. The only reason that pot of money lasted this long was because there is unemployment insurance. 

I'm not sure what today would look like if I didn't have that little bit of money coming in each week. 

That's the idea behind insurance - you pay for it hoping it never gets used - but when you need it you are glad it is there.  OH, you are glad!

Day Four

#4 - I am thankful for the right to vote.

I am thankful that I have the right to vote. Some might call me unimaginative because this is my "thankful for" every election day. I feel strongly about the privilege of voting .. actually the responsibility. 

I know that there seems to be a lack of qualified candidates in some races but we have the right to participate and I take it seriously.

Day One, Two, and Three

Here we are in the month of November. I like to think that I am the kind of person that really appreciates all I have but I really like the idea of the "Thirty Days of Thanks" that has so many people posting on Facebook.

As usually happens around here .. I'm a few days behind. Here's day one, two and three

#1 - I am thankful for Family Saturdays

Saturday started out like usual, Paul took Kristen to dance and then came home. We headed out for a quick lunch and then ran errands.  It was windy and rainy as we drove around back roads but we spotted geese, horses, and one of the farms that is part of The Farmer's Cow. The girls had recently had a taste test of their chocolate milk so they thought that was pretty cool.

We rented a movie from Red Box and headed home.  The girls watched the movie, we did puzzles, and had breakfast for dinner. Nothing extraordinary, but a great day just the same. 

#2 - I am thankful for Sunday Night Bowling

For years Paul and I have bowled on Sunday nights we joined the league even before we were married. For 3 hours, every Sunday, for 36 weeks we spend time together.... bowling. We catch up on the week, we laugh, and we hang out with 2 of our closest friends. We leave our kids home, have a couple of beers and a little adult conversation. I am convinced that this weekly "date night" is part of the reason that our marriage is so solid. 

#3 - I am thankful for perseverance

It has been 6 months since I was laid off. There have been countless applications, phone interviews, a couple of face to face interviews, and rejections. When the alarm goes off each morning, I get up and my plan is just to keep moving forward because there is something better coming and that might be the day that it decides to arrive. 

No One WANTS to be a Disappointment

Earlier in the week I wrote about having to tell people that I didn't get a job. I think I made some people feel like pests and others like they were sorry they had asked. It wasn't meant like that at all. Trust me when I tell you, when you are facing a challenge, like this one, it is nice to know you have people on your side. This week has been a reminder that I don't just have people .. I have a virtual village. 

I've gotten phone calls, texts, and emails with really sweet and sincere things. Really kind, thoughtful and sincere things.

"They made a mistake"

"They lost out on a someone who would have been a great employee"

"WTH ... they are idiots" [this might have been my favorite]

"WHAT ... that sucks" 

"OMG .. I can't believe that"

See it is nice to have a cheering squad and what is nicer is that with technology today you don't have to talk to every single person. It also means that you can save the really funny ones and re-read them when you are having a low moment. 

So the reason that it is so hard to tell people that you didn't get the job is because they ARE on your side, because they ARE pulling for you, and because you want so badly to "reward" their love, support and loyalty by being a success. When you have to tell them that you didn't get the job, you worry that you are a disappointment and no one wants to be a disappointment. 

The Next Time

The next time I get an interview, I'm not telling anyone. OK, I'll tell Paul but that is probably it. 

The reason is because when you don't get the job .. you have to tell people. Tell them that you didn't get the job. It is a lot like when you had to tell them that you got laid off. 

You feel bad. They feel bad. They feel obligated to find some comforting words to offer, because they genuinely feel bad. They know you have so much to offer a new employer, how much you want to get back to work, and like you, they thought this was "the one".

Then to top off the day, you overhear your 8 year old daughter telling your husband "Mom didn't get the job, I'm so disappointed. I REALLY wanted her to get that job"  On one hand you're proud because she is so thoughtful and kind-hearted, just another example of how she is always putting others before herself. On the other hand you sort of feel like crap .. because her anxiety over the unknown could have been put to rest if you could have just gotten that job. 

On to the next round of emails, online profiles, updated resumes, and more networking. 

The next time I'm interviewing, I'm not telling anyone [but Paul]

The Core Four

About a year ago I started referring to our family as "The Core Four" - Paul, Heather, Brooke and Kristen. I totally copied it from my New York Yankees .. Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, Andy Petitte, and Jorge Posada are the original "Core Four"

Anyway, in the spirit of Throwback Thursday, here's some Core Four then and now ... enjoy!

Core Four - May 2009

Core Four - August 2014

I got "THE" picture

Today was the big day .. the FIRST day of school. Brooke started third grade and Kristen went to Kindergarten .. all day!

Last night we bought new school shoes and had dinner out, on the cheap, thanks to the gift card file and kids eating free at 99 Restaurant the day after a Red Sox win. [Wonders never cease]

The girls picked out which version of the school uniform they were wearing and I dutifully ironed all the parts. See Mom, I DO use that iron you bought me!

Brooke woke up this morning and almost immediately said "I'm nervous"

"I know you are. I am too. Want to know something else?"

"What?" She asked full of anticipation.

"Your teacher is nervous too" I said.

"She IS??? She questioned.

"She is, she has to learn all about a brand new set of kids and there are so many changes this year now that you are a magnet school." I explained. 

That was the end of her anxiety attack. 

Kristen was in our bed tossing and turning around 12:40 this morning.  She was talking in her sleep, kicking Paul in the head .. he left and got in her bed an hour later. 

This morning she woke up fairly easily and right away told me she was excited. We dressed in her uniform and she started down the hall and then, well then she broke down.

"Kristen, why are you crying?"

She made her way back up the hall, threw her arms around my neck and said "But I'm going to miss you"

"It is just like a regular day of pre-school. We'll pick you up before you know it." I assured her. 

She joined Paul and Bradley on their morning walk and all seemed to be fine. 

Jeanne, Poppa, Gigi, and I took a million pictures.  

Gigi and Poppa joined us for the big send off

Jeanne and the girls

We waited and waited and waited ... FINALLY the bus came.  

Brooke grabbed Kristen's hand, they headed off down the driveway and made their way to the steps of the bus.  

And then, well that is when the magic happened. The moment I had waited 4 years to arrive did just that. I got the picture of the faces (not the backs of their heads) of my two beautiful girls climbing onto the bus 

I GOT THE PICTURE !!!!!

I thought it would be easier

Tomorrow is the first day of school. YAHOO .. back to a routine. This year is a milestone .. both girls will be in school ALL DAY. I was filled with anxiety when Brooke went to Kindergarten in 2011, I just re-read one of the posts I wrote that day, you can find it here. 

I thought it would easier (for me) this time. I mean we know the principal and lots of the school staff.  We went to the welcome back barbecue last night and lots of people shook our hands and offered welcome back hugs. This is not our first rodeo. 

Kristen's teacher found the spot we'd chosen to sit with our dinner and introduced herself ... Kristen wouldn't even make eye contact, would not talk, would not tell her name, NOTHING. Brooke shared the entire story of our summer with her.  Talk about Ying and Yang.

My friend sent her little one to kindergarten on Monday and she said it was harder than when she sent her older daughter. She thought it was because she was "the baby". Jeez .. I hadn't even thought about that. This is our "last" first day of kindergarten. On Wednesday, both girls are in school, all day. How did that happen? How is that possible? Weren't they just born? learning to walk? starting to talk?

I thought it would be easier this time because we've done this before. Now that the day has come .. I'm not so sure .. I still have that knot in my stomach and when I start to think about watching her get on the bus my eyes start to glisten.  

We were assured that Kristen will be fine on Wednesday. I sort of believe that, I am pretty certain that once she gets on the bus she'll follow her sister's lead and never look back. I guess that means we are doing something right .. training them up to make their own way.

I thought it would be easier ..... 

O Captain my captain

Earlier this week, I was sitting in the kitchen of a close friend's beach cottage and heard the familiar tune alerting me to a new text message. I grabbed my phone, flipped it over, and was stunned. "Actor Robin Williams has died at the age of 63" it read. It was not until later that night that I learned that he had taken his own life and my jaw literally dropped. 

I think that there is this notion that people in the spotlight, people with money and fame, are immune to common everyday challenges. I knew that Robin Williams had struggles with depression. I think I drew the conclusion that he must have the best medicine, best treatment plans, best therapists. I mean he was always laughing - right? I guess that is the thing though, about depression, sometimes all that isn't enough. 

Almost 2 years ago, something very similar struck our tight knit little group of friends. That dreaded phone call in the middle of the afternoon with the news that he was gone, taken his own life. On the outside, he was the life of the party and always laughing. I've been thinking about him more than usual since the news of Robin's untimely passing broke. 

It is so easy to judge and create labels - how selfish, cowardly - you know the things that people say. I think we really want the answer to the "why" when we can't wrap our heads around the reality, so that is what we come up with. I think the answer is you never really know what people are dealing with, what their fighting, wrestling with. Some people are really, really good at keeping all that hidden and sometimes it is just too much. 

"Oh Captain my captain, your fearful trip is done"

Don't BLINK

"trust me friend a hundred years go faster than you think - so don't blink" Kenny Chesney

Can you believe that the first week of August is over?  We are still enjoying the sunshine, the pool and summer fun activities but I'm painfully aware that in a little over 2 weeks the girls are back to school.  For all my teacher friends, that reality is closer. 

Despite the uncertainty of my employment future - we have had a great summer. 

The highlight was almost 2 weeks for us and 3 weeks for the girls in South Carolina. We stayed up late and slept in, our big decision for the day was which bathing suit and flip flops to wear. 

Don't get me wrong, the CT and RI beaches that we live near are nice but there is something about the water and the sand in Myrtle Beach. For the most part we avoided the commercialism of the area - we did go to the Pirate's Voyage dinner show and spent a day at Broadway on the Beach - but mostly we just soaked up the sun and the salt air. 

 
So summer is quickly coming to an end and we are shifting gears. We're getting school supplies ready, planning which school uniform we're wearing on the first day and realizing that the list of things we were going "to do this summer" still has lots left unchecked ... it is so amazing to me how fast time goes. 

"Don't Blink"

What you see

I stumbled across this quote earlier tonight, let's just say it struck a cord. 

The past 6 weeks have been an adjustment to say the least, new routines, no routines, no schedule, it is all um... weird.

There have been applications, phone screens, rejection emails and interviews. I get emails with anywhere from 15 to 50 possible positions daily - some are duplicates, some are not even close, like the greeter at Friendly's and others are not that easy to rule out. What does that company do? Am I qualified? Should I apply anyway? How long of a commute is that? 

Last week wasn't a great week, Kristen is struggling with my not working, when the girls struggle, I struggle. There was lots of back and forth to workshops, meetings and preparations for a full weekend of family activities. The workshops are definitely worth the time but the back and forth makes it harder to get in a groove. I was tired from the running and felt like little progress was made on the job search front.  The self-imposed emotional breakdown followed.  

I do desperately want people to believe that I am OK, to think that I have it together. Most days it IS OK, but some days it isn't.  

I learning to accept that it's OK, to not be OK. 

I Run .....

Yesterday was National Running Day and it also happened to be the Special Olympics Law Enforcement Torch Run. My brother works in law enforcement and organizes some of these activities for his department.  In the last few weeks we've had some delicious meals at their "Tip a Cop" events and yesterday there was a run from the police station to one of the elementary schools where the torch got handed off to the next department. I wanted to do this with him last year, but I had JUST started to run .. no way .. this year well I have the time since I'm not working and I run 5K's, I just got brand new Brooks running shoes and even my Mom said they run "slow"

The first time you ever do something there is a learning curve ... when we did Relay For Life, when I bought into a Community Sponsored Agriculture share, anything ... clearly the more you participate, the longer you do something the better you get, the more you learn. Let me just say, we will chalk yesterday up to a learning experience.

This is quite a production. The City of Groton was the lunch stop - David picked up pizza, a few other officers picked up drinks and the team ate before heading out. There are State Police on motorcycles, there are cruisers, there is a truck with volunteers in the back encouraging you as you run.  There is a follow car behind the last runner.  The last runner, that would be me ....

I so should have bagged out of when my brother announced, "actually it is really more like 4 miles - not 3.  No big deal right - it's just another mile"  I didn't quit then, but I had a back up plan .. my parents were stalking the run from various points .. I could just "fallout" and get in with them.

 I arrived at the police station, full of anxiety, no way I was gonna be going to be able to do this.  I really should have climbed into a car when David said "9 min mile pace" 

Pictures were taken, the torch was lit, and the engines were started ... 

Torch Run - Runners and Support Team

I was in a car before mile 1 because I just couldn't keep up.  I chatted with the off duty officer that was kind enough to let me ride with her.  We listened to the music they played and the officers took turns running with the torch.

City of Groton - Special Olympic Torch Run
David made the hill look easy even with the torch

Then about a mile before the hand off to the next department .. that is when the real magic happens.  A Special Olympian waits patiently with her mom on the side of the road to join in.  Our first runner was Kathy ... she grabbed the torch and was off, the officer that was supposed to help support the torch had to catch up. They were in section of town with a lot more traffic and that combined with the effort it takes for 2 people to run and share the torch duty the pace slowed some.   I was able to jump out and sprint ahead and get photos ... 

Kathy and Officer Edwards sharing the torch

A little ways down the road, Stephen, another Special Olympian joined the group.  He ran with David and after a few pictures I ran with them.  Stephen was SO excited - the lead truck was encouraging motorists to beep in support and Stephen would smile and wave whenever someone did. We asked him what his sport was
"I swim"  Stephen answered
"Swimming, that's hard isn't it" David said 
"No, not really" 
And he just kept running

Then before we knew it there was the Town of Groton Department waiting for their turn. 

The torch was passed and the group loaded back into cars and went their separate ways. 

I went yesterday expecting to run and expecting to struggle.  I went partly because I could hear Paul's voice in my head saying "we're not quitters" even though I knew I was in trouble standing next to all those police officers who are in much better shape than me. 

I had sort of forgotten that the athletes would be running too and what that does to the atmosphere - how determined they are, how passionate they are, no matter how hard it gets - they never even think about stopping .... 

The last few months I've been ignoring the gym and my running. Making excuses - up too late, need new shoes, don't have time ... I'm pretty sure I didn't run a mile yesterday .. but .. this morning I ran TWO.

Sometimes you need a kick in the ass ... yesterday I got mine compliments of my "little" brother and 2 Special Olympians.  

and yes, I RUN.